Confessions

Confessions of a Mad Philosopher

 

Understand that you are being warned: This may well be the most dangerous book you will ever read, depending on what it provokes in you, or if you have lived most of your life being force-fed Dogma, by ideologues who do not want any unauthorized questions asked at all. If you don’t believe that it is possible to ask yourself questions that are capable of cracking your own reality, then you haven’t been using your imagination to its fullest potential. True realizations often come as a result of admissions of the potential truth of something we most greatly fear. If not, you may consider yourself a seeker of the truth, even a bit of a risk-taker. I still have serious concerns for the well-being of unbalanced individuals who might read this book, but fuck them anyway. A man should be allowed to choose his own Poison.

 

If you get stuck, put the book down for awhile and just think about it. Then stop thinking about it for a while. If you are still stuck, start reading it again, but never give up on yourself. You just haven’t gotten it yet. I read a book about Korean Zen, off and on, for about seven years before I even scratched the surface, in terms of understanding anything about anything…I tried so very hard to achieve understanding, that I missed it right under my nose until I blew it, so to speak. The answer was “Nothing”.

 

There were numerous times that I put down everything, Zen, EMS, Desire, Looking for a way to Finish This Book (…or more accurately, to realize a way to End  The Story…). Jeff and I both wrestled like Job with our respective marriages, relationships, and finances, and lost. Then Jeff lost hope and died, while I swam in a sea of legal, prescription, psych medications…, and drowned. I watched my latest career choice circle the drain as the time clock seemed to be running out.

I sat, meditated, went to work, came home, ate, drank, shit, bathed and slept. I was full and empty at the same time. A long time ago, I was simply delirious, and intoxicated by my new, unexamined Life. I started asking dangerous questions, and eventually began to look for answers. Back then, I believed I had all the time in the world. It later came to my attention that these were such important questions, that I should seek these answers myself, rather than to entrust the purpose and direction, or more properly the nature of my search, to anybody else, so as to avoid taking serious council from those with an axe to grind, and in the process, a profit to be made.

 

Sometimes, it’s not so much a matter of answering questions as it is recognizing false answers and improper questions. Your choice of how and what questions you do ask are more important initially than the answers (and motives) of those who want to answer.

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