Coming Tonight: Take Back The Crush

In Twleve-step terms, I would lable myself a Romancaholic. Although I would have previously termed myself a Sexaholic I now realize that it is so much more. As a control freak, cynic, and more than a bit Jaded. over the Top, and around the bend, all at once. And finally learning how to let go and enjoy it.

I refer to Infatuation. Free-form emotional par couer. Romantic, spiritual, sexual, and most especially humourously intellectual. Once again, out of the blue I am mesmerized. Freefall. We are naked in each other’s eyes, although we have yet to undress each other, having not so much as touched…well, except for that one moment….

We don’t have to, no matter how much we want to, and yet, neither of us is prohbited from acting out. We are in no hurry; no matter how brief the interval, and I for one, am not afraid of time. (see previous post, re: Infatuation).

And so, it would seem, I am seduced by the active process of falling in love; it is not Love, but for brief moments, like large quaffes of Cocaine, (or at least, so I am told by My Advisors…), the most intoxicating liqours of pherimones, polypeptides, endorphines, and Euphoria.

For a moment, at least, I have traded my cynicism for Romanticism. I am no stranger to The Crush, but it has been many years. I am renewed by Enthusiasm for The Crush. Lolita is now Thirty-five.

Today I awoke feeling better than I have in years. A Beatles song was playing in my head, and a calm I can only describe as Timelessness engulfed my soul. I stand on the edge of the most precarious of precipaces, hanging ten and looking over the edge of the abyss, fascinated once again. I want to start reducing the dosages of my SS/NRI’s, as I now feel not only elevated, but renewed, and restored. Experience and Wisdom are exchanged for Youth, Vigor, Enthusiasm and Inspiration so freely that it cannot help spilling over to those around me who need it so much. Our Worlds are all improved in the process, and time and patience will determine the outcome I envision, as well as acceptance of whatever does.

We have a long-distance relationship that spans two desktops, barely six feet apart, yet inviolable. For Now. We are like two Siamese cats, focused on the same intent…”Everything but…” as Desire magnified by The Waiting and Inexaustable Patience fortell of a pair of Sphinxes Engulfed in Flames Dancing across the Sky as they prepare to Pounce upon The Present Moment, their long-awaited Quarry.

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