In Search of Cinnamon

Within some of the darker venues of the Sex-for-Fun Community, (especially Bondage & Discipline or Sado-Masochism) it is often necessary to establish “safe words” that clearly communicate that the line of demarcation between “fun” or “play” has been crossed over into danger, fear, or revulsion. This is a very important distinction that can only be made on a moment-by-moment basis to prevent serious injury or even permanent psychological harm…or at least that is what My Advisors tell me….

When I learned of this, I was fascinated by the idea of pushing the envelope of experience so far that one does not even presuppose that the limits are known before the experience begins. Most of my life has been spent trying to dance on the Razor’s Edge between Wisdom and Insanity, Danger and Doom, or Ecstasy and Injury, so the concept of an “Out” word was a heretofore nonexistent luxurious indulgence for any risk-taker such as myself to seek safe harbor in Stormy Times.  

For this and many other reasons too myriad to chronicle here, I do not have a lot of close friends. I consider all my dearest long-term friends to be Survivors for many, many reasons, not the least of which being their experiences with me. My intentions were (almost) always good, but when the stakes are high, even the slightest “slip betwixt the cup and the lip” can be disastrous. Inevitably, I forget to consider that we are all not necessarily reading from the same sheet of music, or dancing to the same drum….New friends are at the greatest risk. My Zeal to Communicate and my Enthusiasm to Share are often not mediated by careful or sober consideration of Consequences. I worry for them; usually after the fact….

This time, we have a “safety word”, even though we’ve not had much opportunity to really explore the limits of depravity or perversion in any way resembling our capacity for imagination or appetite…(It’s a new friendship) so our “safety word” (Cinnamon) is more symbolic of our desire to be provocative without provoking disdain or revulsion…to never want or need to look away, or to back off the accelerator, because we believe that somewhere each of us has a perfect match for our most daring and adventurous inclinations, impulses and indulgences. It is the Sexual Equivalent of Playing Chicken.

I recently saw a video on Theoretical Physics that explained how The Immovable Object and The Irresistible Force  would, by definition pass through each other…Suppose No One Blinks? No One Turns Away?

We are both obsessive-compulsives, so it is our nature to pursue our Quest even though it may lead to our destruction because if it doesn’t, we may well realize even a moment of Perfection and Bliss sufficient to Discover World Peace…each of us, within ourselves, long enough to share it within our separate worlds. Perhaps it is the separation of our worlds that allows us to indulge ourselves in the abandon of Anonymity and still be Best Friends.

A long-lost Best Friend once suggested we explore a particular Perversion together, whereupon I asked…”But will you respect me in the Morning?” She answered “You Fool! Be GLAD I don’t Respect you now…but if you’re very, Very Good…I Might….”

Cinnamon is not in the vocabulary of the Fearless, no matter how hard you search for it…and the harder you search, the more Fearless you become.