Polyamory: If You are Fearless, You can Have it All.

Polyamory: If You are Fearless, You can Have it All..

If you can give up your Possessiveness, you can Love much more than you can ever own.

Polygamy is a poor solution to a problem that never needed to be fixed, and Polyamory and Polygamy are not synonymous.

You can have your cake and eat it, too.

Swinging is not the same thing. It seems to be an unwritten law that you can’t get too close. The same people who embrace the concept of watching their significant other being pleasured by a near-stranger will usually freak out if they begin to fear that it’s more than just sex. Long-term Fuck Buddies know what this is all about better than just about anyone else. You can know someone intimately and care deeply for them for years, and suddenly, they meet “their soulmate”, announce their engagement, and if you’re lucky enough to get invited to the wedding, it will only be because their “soulmate” does not know of your History. Fuck Buddies will watch their “Friends with Benefits” “go Steady” or marry and “settle down” all the while waiting in the wings, knowing that eventually the Hurricane of Romance will fizzle into a Tropical Depression before they come back to the fold. Usually. Sometimes it takes years, but eventually, the Rot sets in, making the most die-hard monogamist susceptible to The Wonder lust of Wanderlust.

Cheating is a terrible idea, unless both parties involved are equally committed to their status quo. A marginally satisfied married person is ill-advised to get involved with a lonely single, or a totally dissatisfied married person looking for a new perch on which to land. The Kharma is awful, the necessity of deception is poisonous, and no good can ever come from lies. Eventually, on Thanksgiving, or Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentines Day, Labor Day or some other holiday sure to promote the Angst, the phone will ring, your spouse will answer, and your Paramour will hang up. Welcome to Hell.

Unless you possess the heart of a degenerate lying bastard, this kind of affair will weigh down your soul just as badly as that “ball and chain” of a spouse, and Polyamory is not about just Getting Laid.

We learned a great deal from the Sixties and Seventies. Most of it the Hard Way, but the only thing worse is to not learn at all. Monogamy is unrealistic to the point that it sets itself up for failure by denying Human Nature. I am not especially fond of this term, because it is so misunderstood and misused. I seriously doubt that there are many behaviors that are inherent to all Humans, in spite of he fact that most emotions are the result of the release of polypeptides, hormones, neurotransmitters and other biochemical agents. It is my belief that how we process or interpret most stimuli is the result of training, programming, cultural mores, previous experiences and other learned responses. What can be “learned” can also be “unlearned”. Most of our collective Cultural Heritage is so insidiously ubiquitous that the illusions created by it represent a series of mutually interdependent Lies designed to support the status quo. Religion is designed to control behaviors by invoking an unquestionable source of external control so strong that it has shaped History, Maps, and toppled governments by individuals claiming some sort of franchise on the opinion of “Gods Will”. Patriotism serves a similar function in terms of evoking unquestionable “authority”.

In the process, we become so accustomed to Culture, Customs, Religion and Politics shaping our perceptions as a replacement for Figuring it Out for Ourselves that we are just as likely to replace one Institutionalized Illusion for another.

So we replace Marriage and Monogamy with Polygamy or Plural Marriage. It’s extremely difficult for two humans to find Everlasting Happiness in one marriage…Polygamy is characteristically One Man and More than One Woman. If you are a Mormon, that may work, but it is not well-suited for anyone who is mentally living in this century; it is a sexist male-dominated concept about as timely as a Cowboy Hat. A more logical approach would be for One Woman and More than One Man, since one woman is better capable of sexually satisfying more than one man than vice-versa, but then again, A Woman without a Husband is like a Fish without a Bicycle, and the men would waste most of their time trying to outdo each other. Marriage as an attempt to provide structure for financial and social institutions like Child Rearing, and Joint Property appeared reasonably necessary until fairly recently, considering that many couples now raise children and secure mortgages without benefit of matrimony, and our legal system and healthcare benefits have adapted accordingly. Just in time for same-sex couples to press for legal and social recognition within the framework of Marriage…of course, they have every Right to be just as unhappily imprisoned as heterosexuals…but…Why?

We seek the comfort of stability and guarantees of eternal bliss in spite of the fact that change is inevitable and healthy. New influences, new dynamics and opportunities for personal growth that take us outside our comfort zone and transport us to a world where Sex is alive and Magic is afoot…This isn’t the kind of thing that happens every six to eight weeks…Promiscuity is not Polyamory, and all roads do not lead to Shangri-La, but if you are very lucky, every now and then, when you least expect it, Love will whisper in your ear; it will speak in tongues you may not recognize, but you will understand. You must have very special ears to hear it, but its Wisdom will speak volumes. When it does, listen carefully to its intoxicating cadences. The messages are not for you exclusively, but are meant to be shared…and always remember that some day the glove will be on the other hand, and it will be you that is benefitting from someone else’s epiphany.

Love is neither finite nor static. It is elusive, ephemeral, dynamic, and metaphysical, possessing a life force of its own. Like high-voltage, if you respect it, you do not have to fear it. It can empower you, or it can possess you. Love cannot hurt you unless you hurt yourself. If you embrace change its kiss will set you free.

For every Dom, there is a sub, but within any Dom, there exists as Sub waiting to be dominated. If there is a Dom’s Dom why not a Sub’s Sub? Is the Child not Father to the Man? Life and Love can be straight and rigid or curved and fluid. For Any of Us. Although we are always ourselves no matter what we do, the dynamics of any relationship tend to be limited unless acted upon by some other outside force. Think of it as Sexual Eclecticism. The alternative is a Stalemate.

Love Many and Trust Few, and Always Paddle Your Own Canoe.

17 Responses to “Polyamory: If You are Fearless, You can Have it All.”

  1. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words Says:

    so much in one post….
    interesting…..one can wander in these thoughts and
    find a new one each time I think…
    good post..direct and real….I like that….
    I love the last line…
    Take Care…

    • Thank you…and welcome to my blog. I went to yours, and find myself intrigued and fascinated by your words and images. The Goddess is very much alive within you. Baraka Bashad. πŸ˜‰

      • LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words Says:

        She has been within for as long as I have memories…
        I was in church one Sunday( Methodist, and in the South we went where I families went) I was about 6 maybe 7…the preacher was giving a sermon on Adam and Eve, I raised my hand being a polite southern girl, and against his better judgement( the look on his face said it real loud) he ask me “do you have a question?” yes…if you as a man is made in God’s image as Adam , where do I come from?( paraphrasing the conversation)..he politely said” from the love of your parents…)and as I knew that was false, my father abused me everyway possible, including beating my mother when she was pregnant with me to get her to abort me) I said…NO, if you are a picture of God, I am the picture of Mrs,God? I knew then I was of Goddess and I bow to no man…for some reason I even knew about Lilith when no one ever told me about Her…
        so Thank you…your words are so full of kindness for me to hear..

        and as I wander today…I think perhaps you know of Her ways too…though I could be wrong….
        I have enjoyed several of your stories…you are so paint a living picture full of colors for the reader…I felt as if I were a voyer looking through a window of your mind so to speak…

        I will enjoy following your blog as well as reading your thoughts…
        I hope you stop by mine every once in awhile…I like the energy you leave in your words…
        Take Care….You Matter…..

      • Merry Met…

        Powerful women are an aphrodisiac for the soul. My morning will be occupied with reading and responding to your lovely replies and comments, as I do not have as much time as I would like in the am, but get up early just in case I am rewarded with such intriguing intercourse…but tonight, I plan on returning to your site to feast….

      • Maryrose, Lady Blue Rose (…Summer and Smoke?)

        Every so often, I am blessed by the opportunity for exchange between parties of like mind, but opportunities such as you provide are the most joyous of blessings.

        As such, we are known by the company we keep, and you are not mistaken. I would love to discuss this in much greater depth and detail in a more private arena, like our e-mail sites, perhaps.

        Looking forward to sharing secrets and learning more. πŸ˜‰

      • LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words Says:

        Summer and Smoke…?
        I like that …it sits in my mind wanting to add more LOLs..
        Hi There agaian..I would have been back sooner, I started a new job…preoccupied learning it…
        and the rains the other night were incredible…I got flooded out here on my place….2+ inches of rain per hour…over 7 hours of rain…lots of water to find places to run…and I think it was here LOLs..my geese were swimming in my driveway it was so deep…
        so I have been slowly assessing damages…

        I don’t have your email…but I think you have mine…sure you
        can email me…I have that cat curiosity thing too…LOLs..
        so feel free to email…

        and now…Domestic Goddess chores …like laundry needs to be done…my mundane world hollers loudly at times ….

        Take Care….you Matter…

      • If I’m not being too personal…BlueRose…like in the Glass Menagerie?

        Real life has a way of rearing its ugly head more often than I would care for it to.

        Catch you later

        So do you….

      • LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words Says:

        no it’s not to personal…
        to be honest I can’t remember what it symbolized, I think a nickname for a sister with an illness?
        Blue Rose is the rose that symbolizes Goddess… (Feminine Energy) when the Blue Rose comes to be in this world it is a sign Goddess of the feminine Energy will reign again….I think it was about 5?years ago a Japanese firm isolated the blue gene and had created a real blue rose…not the lavender-blue one, like Blue Girl, and Blue Angel…if that was so, I haven’t heard of it yet…( I would have one LOLs…I grown roses and many many varieties of plants…that’s my additiction in this life I think)
        anyways, a friend gave me ladybluerose….maryrose was given to me at birth(mary) and a gift of someone from the otherside..)
        I know about life rearing its ugly head..not a problem…when you feel like emailing or if you still do give me a holler, I’m around…
        Take Care….You Matter…

      • Although fascinated, I am a novice to many things involving the ways of Majic.
        Thank you for sharing that.

        (In the Glass Menagerie, it was a phonetic corruption of Pleurisy)

  2. Desiree G Says:

    “Love is neither finite nor static. It is elusive, ephemeral, dynamic, and metaphysical, possessing a life force of its own. Like high-voltage, if you respect it, you do not have to fear it. It can empower you, or it can possess you. Love cannot hurt you unless you hurt yourself. If you embrace change its kiss will set you free.”

    Perhaps this needs to become my mantra. If I can truly grasp and embrace the meaning within these words, I may find what has been eluding me. Thank you.

    • You are welcome. The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step, and its meanings will broaden and deepen if you choose to let your experiences enlighten you. Good luck. I appreciate the comments and the feedback. Thank you.

  3. If you want to get a surface idea of the degree to which I inhabit this realm(?) ~ for lack of a better word ~ you are free to read here http://mrsfever.wordpress.com/?s=polyamory&submit=Search, though I am neither static nor clingy (see what I did there?), and therefore do not air my laundry – dirty or otherwise – on my blog. Suffice to say, I agree with much of what you said here. I also disagree. (I have a tendency to do that… Nothing is ever simple, sigh.)


    Your thoughts about Human Nature (capitalized, of course!) caught my attention. And while reading it, I was reminded of an exchange between Katharine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart in the movie “The African Queen”.

    “Nature, Mr Olnutt” chastises the missionary spinster to the bachelor drunkard, “is what we are put on this earth to Rise Above.”


    Has nothing to do with anything, really. But that scene always makes me smile. πŸ˜€

    As for a woman needing a man like a fish needs a bicycle:

    (I am aware that this song dates me. I’m afraid I just don’t give a shite.)

    :: insert erotic daydream involving one (1) Edge ::


    I think I had something actually *productive* to say, but I’ve forgotten what that might be. Perhaps, as you say, I’ll be Bach. πŸ˜‰

    Oh! And I like your post. πŸ˜›

    • I thoroughly enjoyed the post on monogamish polyfuckery…you are a very complex individual, and that’s the closest I would dare come to labeling you (in the hope that even that does not offend you)…labels objectify individuals, and I am a die-hard non-conformist, as long as I am not obligated to NOT conform if I so choose.
      In college I played the part of Bernard Marx in a screenplay adaptation of Brave New World even though I had only limited involvement in the Drama department because the director had worked with me on a few projects before and believed it wouldn’t involve any acting on my part, due to my generally contrary nature (there’s that word again…).
      In truth, the quote was “a woman needs a husband like a fish needs a bicycle….
      I probably should read that post again, just to see what I think of it now…it was written about the same time that I was writing about crushes and infatuations, and a piece called In search of Cinnamon, and The Fluid Dynamic between Sub and Dom.…My life experiences at that point in time were leading me in a particularly rich set of experiences and directions.
      Overall, I would say that I am blessed to be in the position to be monogamish…it’s comfortable to have a life partner that is a primary relationship and still be able to mutually encourage each other’s explorations and opportunities to share.
      I have also been fortunate enough to be the “extra” when I was single (on numerous occasions, since I have been married 6 (six) times…yikes…that does sound weird, but Suki and I have been together for many years now, and not likely to go our separate ways for any real length of time (if she doesn’t kill me in my sleep one night)…I am no picnic at the beach…maybe a little too complicated for most people to deal with on a long (or sometimes even short)-term basis…but regardless, it was always good as long as it stayed real on one level, and kind of unlimited, or experimental on another…rules are made to be broken, or at least bent or stretched.
      “Communities are a concept for weak-minded sheep and true believers…real individuals by definition, defy definition.
      You are indeed a very interesting read, Mrs. Fever…I would be the last person to criticize anyone as being “dated”. We are who we are, and age has almost nothing to do with it. No need to be “stuck” in a rut, and I am a great believer in eclecticism. (Besides, I am very fond of U-2 myself, as well as a whole lot of other things from all periods of time.)
      CUL8R πŸ˜‰

  4. […] Visit and thank the blogger who nominated you. Β {Thank you,Β Chazz.} […]

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