The Warm-Up Act for the Aristocrats (…or Low-Brow High-Diving)

I had to push an oyster through a coin slot

to go on my favorite ride,

The Monkey with Two Backs.

The boardwalk was teeming

with inquisitors that night,

but I had a little Time to Kill

before we went onstage.

The sign said

You have to be THIS BIG

to go on this ride,

which should have been no problem,

until I learned I had to stand up straight

to qualify.

We did

The Monkey Dance

Like there was No Tomorrow

and for all I knew that night, there was none,

and if there hadn’t been

I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

By the time I got inside the theater

My friends were already

Performing like Porn Stars.

I stood there gawking behind her

as she bent over

leaning forward

on her knees,


the Anaconda.

Her face was turned away from me,

but her blind eye

winked knowingly,

inviting me

to come inside,

like a starfish

doing jumping-jacks.

Mister Weasel’s French cousin

Monsieur Huis’elle was

Patiently awaiting

A nod, a wink

and a flash of pink

From Madame Huis’elle

(she is no mere Mademoiselle, to be sure)

to mount Jacob’s ladder

and climb

the Tower of Babel

to perch on the platform,

wings spread

like an Anhinga,

as I launched myself into the rafters,

poised for the longest of instants

hanging in midair,

I imagined I was

diving out of a midnight-black sky

so full of stars you couldn’t count them all

in a hundred centuries,

straight down

into a single clam


Laid Wide-Open,

and slathered with salty butter

on two half-shells.


(she was delicious).

One Response to “The Warm-Up Act for the Aristocrats (…or Low-Brow High-Diving)”

  1. Brilliant. I Love The Way You Think!
    Your Friend,

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