Begin to Beguine

Begin to Beguine

The next Friday night Mark, Darcy, Charles and Suki were back at the Sanctuary early to begin the preparations for that night. Kali and Merle were waiting for them. Merle capped up seven more doses of what he finally decided should be called The Knowledge. He decided to up the dose to seven hundred and fifty micrograms each. No reason to suspect any adverse reactions at that strength, especially since he had already tested it at twice that…one point five milligrams. He recalled that the afternoon he had met Darcy was the first time he had done that high a dose.

She had been on Merle’s radar ever since, and lately he found himself thinking about her more and more often the last few days. He and Mark had already had that conversation about how Mark felt about not only Darcy, but also about how he felt about Merle and Darcy.

All of them had been very close for years now, and there had been more than a few temporary liaisons that had come and gone, although most of them had been initially attracted to Merle.

Mark was not nearly as prolific as Merle when it came to female companionship, but everyone knew that it was partly due to the fact that Mark had been in love with Kali ever since the first time they had been intimate with each other.

Merle had his own room at the Sanctuary, as well as his own home, and had never lived with a woman. Mark had several “roommates” before, but none of them were especially thrilled with Mark’s relationship with Kali, and neither of them did anything to hide the fact.

Mark brought quite a few women into the group over the years, but they came and they went eventually, some sooner, some later. Darcy was the first woman to get it as far as how the members of the group fit into each other’s lives, in spite of the fact that she had not really been exposed to Polyamory as a lifestyle, with long-term relationships, or no jealousy that couldn’t be resolved.

Darcy had lived with several different men over the years, but never really felt in love with anyone before Mark. Her parents and all her peers had been involved in one dysfunctional relationship after another, following their hearts as innocently as children, but always ending tragically despite their best efforts to make it work. Darcy grew up not expecting too much from love until she met Mark.

Different paths had led them together, but as they became closer and more candid with each other, they found that each of them had something to give the other, just by being themselves, and allowing the other to act spontaneously with the good faith that they would find it in their hearts to give each other the benefit of the doubt when it did arise.

There is no roadmap for Polyamory, and anyone who claims to have The Answer to Much of Anything Worth Knowing should probably be given the same level of respect as a lightning rod salesman. Until you come to certain levels of understanding about yourself, you can only get so far before you reach some kind of an impasse. You have to be prepared to accept everything without flinching, without blinking or compromising.

Compromise is a slippery slope at best. As soon as you start to modify your behaviors, you have to question whether or not you are really compromising your ideals, if not your Self. Every day is a conscious choice. No one can make those choices for you. In a perfect world, there are no arguments because understanding is achieved in a place before words, even before ideas.

In a perfect world, we would all come and go freely, and trust in the fact that all things will unwind according to their nature, which cannot be denied. You have to let go of the illusion of control.

If you want to experience true understanding, go ask a dog about the moon.

Darcy once said “If you just let one day happen at a time, the future will take care of itself, one way or another. If you compromise yourself too much just to make it work, what you get when it does…if it does, won’t be what you really wanted anyway…and you can only lie to yourself for so long, no matter how well you lie to others. When I get to the end of my life at least I will know I was true to myself. I want to believe that I will get the opportunity to share that with someone who will appreciate me as much as I do them.”

They shared a slightly cynical fatalistic point of view that allowed them to love each other with a wild abandon that precluded worry about consequences that couldn’t be avoided.

Mark knew Darcy would be hot for Merle as soon as she met him, and accepted the inevitable with this amazing attitude that just fascinated Darcy even more. Initially, Mark was unsure if Darcy would be as understanding of his relationship with Kali as Darcy was about Mark’s acceptance of her attraction to Merle.

Darcy had been the first to get “restless leg syndrome” in all her previous relationships because she was never really in love with most of the men in her life before Mark. She had learned to not expect too much from Love early on in her life. Easy come, easy go even though she secretly knew that she longed for so much more…she just never quite knew what it was, she just knew how she wanted to feel….

Mark had to admit he did feel a bit of a pinch, maybe a wistful pang knowing that no one who ever had sex with Merle was ever quite the same. It was an experience that transcended his tremendous size, or even his skill as a lover. It was everything from his presence, his energy level, his guile-less confidence balanced by his tremendous humility…and his accessibility, balanced by his “Loving Detachment”.

Merle was also deeply in love with Kali, but understood that he received and fulfilled needs with Kali in being himself just as he was because the roles they played in each other’s lives suited both their natures.

Merle explained it like this: “There will always be times when you will be struck by loneliness and emptiness whether or not you are with someone else at the time. When you feel that angst, that pang, you have to lean into the feeling, and embrace it whether it feels like an arctic blast of air that will freeze your lungs, or  a searing desert sirocco that seems to suck your breath away. It is your life calling attention to itself, to remind you just how precious each moment is.”

Without emptiness and longing, there would be neither need nor appreciation of the comfort and sanctuary of Completion.

Kali, Suki, and Darcy started early getting the food and drinks ready for the evening. Once they started the evening, none of them wanted to be either burdened or wanting for anything.

Ash arrived last, even though he ran the rehearsal early. Meanwhile, Merle, Charles, and Mark occupied themselves with furniture, pillows, blankets, candles, lights, music and all things magical, including The Knowledge.

Multiple altars of a sort, with mirrors set to reflect into each other from various points of view were arranged in several different locations, including the patio, the living room, and each of the bedrooms, including Merle’s.

Charles and Mark had devised a series of mirrors and green and red argon lasers to visually approximate the Tree of Life from the Kabala. This had been their first project together. Charles tended to be a bit excessive when it came to details concerning an idea or a vision he might get, but the group was already used to his methods, and he generally took the attitude of “Fish, Cut Bait, or Swim” as regards his pursuits.

He was responsible for the visual and auditory support at THFWS, and he had earned himself a position of respect within the congregation, and as they were now also broadcasting, he had found ingenious ways to produce different presentations leading to the same effect on small screen as well as mass audiences, and all the TV feeds carried a seizure potential warning/disclaimer that was aired before the show began. (It was that good).

Charles was an artist in his own right, but never managed to acquire the wealth he needed to support his artistic pursuits, which virtually never managed to pay for themselves much beyond the cost of the production. He said he once figured that his accumulative hourly wages for his audio-visual multimedia projects came to about twenty-five cents per hour, but he loved the work of his art and worked as a telemarketer to pay the bills for him to live.

His Tree of Life had proven to be quite an undertaking, but once it was finished all agreed that it was more than worth the effort. It stood over twelve feet tall, but the vaulted ceiling in the living room was easily capable of accommodating it. Ash talked about moving it into the auditorium for services eventually, but Charles insisted it would be better to make another, even larger version for the services anyway. It seemed that the alignment of the beams and mirrors was very critical to work properly to give the desired effect.

They all stood around the tree as Charles began to demonstrate and explain what it represented while Merle handed out The Knowledge.

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