Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome: THFWS&TTM’s

Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome

“It wouldn’t be your usual kind of miracle…and no virgin birth…that’s for sure! But how?…how could this be?”…she winced as she looked down at the test stick… “this is sure as hell one time that ‘Positive’ does not involve anything positive for me…I’m certain of that…at least I think I am. Damn! The timing is all wrong for this!…Shit!”
She suddenly envisioned some dewy-eyed young Ms. Thing holding a piece of plastic in her piss-stream and seeing a happy face appear instead of a plus sign…and jumping for joy, shouting something like “Yippee!”
But not her…not Darcy Sallye, who vowed years ago that she was not going to be tied to some man who would ruin her life with heartbreak, disappointment, and betrayal or drunkenness and violence by virtue of an accidental union of egg and sperm.
Granted, that was years before she met Mark… and about three months after she got out of rehab.
She decided then and there that she would break the cycle of the chains that threatened to bind her. All the women in her family had been enslaved by bad choices made in a careless moment of lust and passion that fizzled out and faded away a lot sooner than the obligations that remained.
Redneck men…even the best of them, are famous for saying stupid shit like “Hey! I pay my child support every month!…” like it’s some declaration of honor, instead of something you’re supposed to do in the first place, even if they’re not around for the kids they sired with you because they’re too busy with the new wife’s kids…(whether they’re even his or not)…and especially if he thinks they are.
Darcy had never been in love before.
Sometimes she might have been in lust, especially with the dangerous ones…she had a taste for bad boys, but as soon as she recognized it for what it was, she would do something really mean or vindictive first before they got the chance to get the upper hand….
Sometimes it might have even been a strong like depending on how long she’d been too lonely, but it was usually just a case of already knowing she was just settling for what came along, and she was damned if she was going to be stuck…trapped…with no escape and too many regrets.
But now…the first time in years she’d even given it a thought, here she was in love…deeply in love with Mark…but…she couldn’t expect him to raise it as his…without…well, a DNA test for starters…after all, she had fucked all the men in the group on more than one occasion…with Mark’s blessing and encouragement in fact.
This was new ground for her…to be this free and so much in love at the same time. It was exhilarating and empowering to the point of intoxication….but suddenly, she was faced with a serious dose of reality in the middle of the wildest fantasy she had ever known.
“Jesus!” she thought… “What if it was Charles’ or Ash’s…or Merle’s” Charles and Ash were both married…could she…should she…just get rid of it…him?…her?
If Merle was the father, it would probably be more than Mark could take…she could live with it, but not Mark…and she understood why…Mark and Merle had been so close for so long…like brothers…but Mark always felt like he was the runner-up…second place…the one the girls settled for if they couldn’t get Merle, or if they couldn’t keep Merle (and no one but Kali could do that).
Mark was just a little too submissive, and sensitive and understanding for his own good. Women would use him as a doormat if they thought they could get away with it…and they often had. He had learned that all too often, they mistook his compassion and understanding for weakness, which taught him to keep his cards close to his chest and women at arms’ length.
Darcy was the first woman Mark had trusted enough to let her get close enough to occasionally dominate him…(just enough to act out a few of her own kinks about men).
He was an alpha-male to the outside world in all other aspects…he seemed to crave a sort of surrender to a woman like Darcy because he trusted her enough to believe she would never hurt him intentionally, even though they both feared she would one day, in spite of her best intentions….
Part of her wanted to just get rid of “it”…while it was still just an “it”…like it never happened…but something made her feel like there was this miraculous quality to the situation that refused to be ignored…the sperm that wouldn’t take no for an answer…the egg that refused to wither unrequited…what kind of destiny was being played out?
She didn’t know for sure, but those feelings made her question her judgment.
“Dammit!” Her tubes had been tied for years for Christ’s sake! They only “precautions” she had ever taken were just like the label said…“for the prevention of disease only…”
She hated rubbers because she felt like they insulated her from that spark she loved to feel from skin on skin…and skin in skin…and that warm flush from the flood…when the river overflowed its banks…full of electricity and life, just squirming inside her…gushing in and flowing out; a salt tide that flowed as if pulled by the moon herself and so copious she could almost taste it sometimes….
The term galvanic skin response refers to a measurable quantity of electric current registered during polygraph tests that fluctuates according to the emotions of the test subject…(or the level of passion between two lovers) that was insulated by latex, and like rubber gloves on a jewel thief’s hands, left no trace to even prove anyone had even been there.
As soon as she felt safe enough to go bareback, she usually did, which was not really all that often until…well, since she fell in love with Mark.
Every time she looked at a prick with a condom stretched over it, all she could think of was a bank robber with a pair of panty-hose pulled over his head, and it was all she could do not to laugh.
She quickly learned that men are not well-disposed to laughter at the sight of “the mighty sword” because most of them are so insecure that they end up taking the whole experience much too seriously to just relax and have fun.
They were usually so preoccupied with the self-imagined act of her conquest …yeah…as if….
If men had any idea how they looked to women when they were all puffed up with their exaggerated image of self-importance and control they might just learn to pay attention long enough to understand women a little better and really become much better lovers than they could imagine.
Ever since she and Mark were reasonably assured that neither one of them was going to give either of them Aids and die, those ski masks of sex had become a thing of the past…it never had anything to do with birth control in the first place…she thought she was safe…“Now what?!?!”
She told Mark she was going to buy a test kit to find out, so he would be expecting an answer soon, but she wasn’t really sure she knew what to expect from him.
She really didn’t know how she felt, and that would undoubtedly be his first question…what did she want to do? Men ask that question because it sounds like they really want to know what the woman wants, but the problem is that it just avoids answering the question for themselves in the first place.
A baby? She wasn’t getting any younger, so if she was ever going to become a mother, this might be her only chance, given the fact that this pregnancy wasn’t even supposed to have occurred in the first place.
She knew it would change her life forever…was Mark ready for marriage? Was she even ready for marriage? Did they really even need to get married? Was she ready for Motherhood?
Frederick had brought out a strong maternal instinct in her over the years, and she had thought that it was enough…tried to convince herself it was…at least until now.
Now the opportunity had forced itself into the equation and demanded a decision that she thought she was never going to have to make. Whatever choice she made, it ruled out another entire set of possibilities irrevocably, like a great fork in the road of her life.
What if she never got the chance to make this decision again? Freedom might mean emptiness in retrospect and a lifetime of regret, but commitment could just as easily equate to enslavement to a different kind of regret…even resentment.
Mark had gone out to the store to get something to fix for dinner. When she heard the front door close as he came back, she took a deep breath.
Time for the moment of truth.

9 Responses to “Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome: THFWS&TTM’s”

  1. First off – I’m nervous for her – anxiety ridden just by reading this and she’s calm. All of her “not knowing” put before a lifetime of responsibility is an overwhelminf thought but I’m a parent already.
    Her not knowing whose baby it is and in love with a man who wouldn’t be able to live with one possible answer is a precarious postion to be in. It becomes a choice between him and the baby. That’s always what it comes down to and how can you pick a grown adult over a helpless, needy baby you made?
    You got the ambiguous state of mind right. If she’s a calm one, this is enough reaction. If she’s an emotional, reactive woman, this may be too calm. There’s no anger but there doesn’t have to be so that’s good. Personally, I would have to figure out if I could be a mother and then get a grip on the father’s character before I told him…maybe. This whole subject gives me the willies because once you are pregnant – there is no retreating…and that is me being completely conscious of every choice a woman can make. There’s no easy way unless you have a great relationship and even that is no guarantee. Shit, I need a drin Chazz. XOXO ( By the way, I’m a big huge advocate for vasectomies )

    • Well, the next chapter should relieve those anxieties…I hope you like it…
      XO, Chazz

    • Well, this was one of those times where I found myself trying to just keep up with the flow of the story…as you can now see, it is unfolding into yet another aspect of the dynamics of human behavior.
      It is so easy to get scared into thinking that when one idea or another presents itself, it precludes being able to continue on your chosen track. When you feel like you’ve written the script of your life into a corner, then it is time to paint a door.
      It’s true in writing because it can also be true in your own real life.
      What our characters are now considering is a huge leap of faith, even for people with hearts as big as theirs, but trust me, somewhere it is going on just like this even as we speak…my research (and my ‘advisors”) have led me down a most curious path. It is not for everyone, but what is?
      Just knowing that reading that post could incite such strong emotions tends to make me think that I’ve done my job as the writer of something that people might like to read…that it is an adventure to be explored…off the beaten path to be sure, but….
      Let’s face it…when the American Dream runs off the rails…it can be a call to reach deep into our most creative and imaginative regions…its your life, how you live it is a conscious choice.
      The vasectomy is probably the most fool-proof (man-proof) method that there is, but in this case, it would have prevented a journey of almost inexplicable bliss of discovery and serendipity…it’s all about alternatives.
      I hope all this helps draw you into the story.

      • Yes it draws me in because it sounds like real life – or rather, life I recognize.
        Did you ever know the children’s book “Harold and the Purple Crayon? I love that book. It popped into my head as soon as you said you drew a door. xo, Jayne

      • When I made the comment about drawing the door I was actually thinking about beetlejuice… funny.

      • But I like the “Harold” twist…its sweet, and kind of sentimental, rather than sinister…,thank you for that.
        XO,
        Chazz

  2. Dear Chazz,
    As you can see I haven’t liked or commented on many of your recent writings…I do read them via e-mail notification. As I’m sure you know all too well how the day goes by with taking care of responsibilities or not…Before you know it many days have passed by okay enough ranting.
    When I read this installment if I did not know You were a male, I would have thought this was written by a woman. I thought you were Extremely Perceptive of what a woman’s thoughts and feelings were regarding an unplanned pregnancy, questioning her feelings on motherhood, and the elephant in the room…Not knowing who the genetic father is. But then I get a sense knowing this group of people, the dna of this child is not going to be of any priority or issue.
    I perceived Darcy’s emotional state to coincide with her character.
    She is focused, maintains a calmness during a crisis, and weighs her options. My perception is she knew in her heart she was surrounded by loving, non-judgemental people that would openly accept this child knowing the father could be any of the men in the group besides Mark. And the women would support, and care for Darcy and this unborn gift.
    Jayne is right once you make that decision there’s no going back, and for me I would/could never consider placing a child for adoption after going through a pregnancy, feeling this child growing in me.
    I believe sometimes as difficult and unplanned situations are and can be. It’s a path we are meant to travel. Although we may have an option sometimes the answer is right in front of us. Being the creatures we are sometimes we over-look, over-think, and turn it into a catastrophe. I’m learning to flow with where I’m suppose to be, and live in the moment. For yesterday is gone, today is now, and tomorrow is the future, and Goddess knows I might not be in this dimension tomorrow.
    OMG did I LMFAO “Every time she looked at a prick with a condom stretched over it, all she could think of was a bank robber with a pair of panty-hose pulled over his head, and it was all she could do not to laugh.” Fan-F*%$ing-Tastic this vivid thought will now be forever etched in my mind!
    ~A 😊

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