The Rules of Engagement: THFWS&TTM’s

The only place where true freedom can be properly enjoyed is on the frontier. Davey Crocket is reputed to have said that when he had to carry his firewood farther than he cared to just to get it back to his cabin, it was time to move.
For many people, the encroachment of what passes for nominal civilization is directly proportional to the limitations placed upon their behaviors and actions based largely upon the ratio of residents per capita per mile.
For some, this poses no real dilemma if they are not predisposed to desiring to walk about their property nude, own large working-breed dogs, work on high-performance automobiles, play music at high volumes or discharge firearms, especially if this is done late at night.
Some of us require large amounts of insular space around us; we may necessitate it to protect others from the potential shocks of proximity to some of the more extreme, ruder or more intense bi-products of our lifestyles and tastes, and at the same time, we may ourselves require solitude for contemplation and cultivation of our creative impulses, devoid of the distractions of city life.
Others crave companionship, fellowship and a sense of belonging. They may be fearful of either loneliness or the intrusions that nature often makes against our intrusions into their realm. They crave the pulse of a city that never sleeps and the press of the crowd.
If you are fond of Thai food, Sushi, or other exotic cuisines, the theater, opera, cinema, and other bi-products of our culture, lavish high-rise apartments, or feel the need to be protected by the police or fear being more than six minutes from emergency medical rescue and cutting-edge medical facilities, you will be forced to make certain choices and concessions regarding your personal freedoms and civil liberties.
It is the nature of a society that the more that you require of it, the more it demands of you. Self-determinism is essentially at odds with high concentrations of population, all-inclusive social welfare, and the norms that a highly evolved interdependent civilization imposes in terms of conformity and adherence to limitations and expectations of acceptable behaviors.
There are all kinds of frontiers. Most of the above-listed references have to do with the physical proximity of people, which largely seems to determine how much conformity and adherence to regulations are required of them.
But there are other frontiers as well. And whether you live in Manhattan, Los Angeles, or a simple cabin in the woods in Florida, it makes no difference if you are in a rural or urban environment, although the issue of proximity still remains a crucial factor in an entirely different way. It has to do with what boundaries and limitations are placed upon our interactions with the significant others in our lives.
Simple monogamy is by far the most common norm in virtually all societies in recorded history. It limitations are clear-cut, if not easy to follow. For most people, it is the only way they can even imagine determining their actions, and even their feelings.
Polyamory is by comparison a broad and expansive concept that by definition simply means to love more than one person. It is not a new concept. Just within the last three hundred years there have been a number of utopian free-love societies that were large enough and sufficiently public to attract the attentions of the world at that particular time as well as famous people who have espoused its virtues.
Notoriety has been the undoing of many an author, artist or free-thinker. We are conditioned to seek fame and recognition despite the fact that real freedom is much like the perfect crime that is only perfect so long as it goes unnoticed and remains anonymous.
Modern free-thinking adults have few roadmaps to guide their behaviors, least of all our parents’ marriages. Once you step off the end of the dock of simple monogamy it is easy to be swept away by the current of the broad and expansive river of Polyamory.
While it is useful to elicit the guidance of others of similar interests, all too often those who claim to have the inside track on any subject off the beaten path are just as likely to become demagogues of their own beliefs as those whom they claim to aspire to reject.
Somewhere there has to be a median between rejecting all standards and modes of behavior without regard to the council and advice of those who have had some documented level of success in their endeavors and mindless conformity with yet another set of rules, definitions, and pre-determined modes of behavior and actions.
Polygamy, polygyny, and polyandry are illegal in all fifty states. Period. Because marriage is largely a religious-based concept, anything other than heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman will continue to face a barrage of legal encumbrances certain to thwart the pursuit of happiness by those who seek it.
The emergence of civil unions as legally recognized institutions devoid of the claptrap of Judeo-Christian religious morality opens a viable crack in the seemingly impenetrable wall of resistance to more enlightened and less limiting forms of familial structure.
It is possible, for instance to set up what effectively constitutes a group marriage or line marriage as a 501(c)3 tax-exempt foundation devoted to the pursuit and study of alternative forms and styles of living or higher consciousness so as to grant the same degree of legal and financial support and recognition to all its members as to those afforded any simple monogamous union.
This includes joint ownership of property, healthcare insurance, and the ability to pass on wealth and property to the rest of your family without facing inheritance taxes, as well as creating a familial lineage of people of common mind and purpose regarding non-traditional family values.
This concept is pure genius in that it capitalizes on everything that allows an individual to thwart the otherwise repressive and stultifying socio-political atmosphere that our society has come to represent and do it with impunity.
There are also a number of publications devoted to the pursuit of Polyamory and social organizations designed to support and encourage its practice.
Support groups and advice have the potential to empower people of like mind who face endless derision and resistance from those who feel the need to oppose them because they believe that their mere existence threatens their own way of life.
Sometimes it is comforting just to know you are not alone.
On the one hand, there are many of us who fundamentally are predisposed to reject labels and rules that would limit and artificially define who we are or what we are supposed or expected to do or be.
On the other hand, there is safety in numbers. Advice and opinions can be useful knowledge to allow each of us to make up our own minds and chart our own course so long as it still allows for the individuality most of us seek to express as we endeavor to discover our own perfect world.
Whether you simply seek a triad or quad to enhance and expand the parameters of your love life or desire the acceptance of your mate to pursue a relationship with a “work-spouse” or even a non-sexual “special friend” for whom you have deep and abiding feelings and understanding without jealousy or desire the community of some form of group or line marriage, once you make that conscious choice to leave the conventional limitations of simple monogamy the range of choices available is as diverse as the difference between a monochromatic, monotonal existence set to a 4/4 march beat like a Roman galley-slave and a full spectrum of polyrhythmic polyphonic polytonal living color. The choice is yours.
Life is a giant covered-dish pot-luck smorgasbord, and we all bring something different to the table.

5 Responses to “The Rules of Engagement: THFWS&TTM’s”

  1. We do indeed… This is a very interesting post.

  2. Nice hearing you again : ) I have always thought that IF I was gay, since that topic is in the nes all the time, that I wouldn’t be arguing it. I would simply use the law itself. I knew there were legal ways to do anything you want…and you have it. It’s like the lessons in martial arts – to use the energy opposing you in your favor and the use of law fortifies your choice. I do wholeheartedly agree with what you said here though:
    “the fact that real freedom is much like the perfect crime that is only perfect so long as it goes unnoticed and remains anonymous.”
    That is the real place of freedom in my mind and it takes a stealthy mind to build a foundation there, amongst the outside world. xo

    • Thanks, Jayne. I think the trick is to be able to go from our “perfect world” in our minds to the reality of the here and now. “Stealthy Mind”…I really like that expression…. 😉
      XO,
      Chazz

      • Yes, I agree. That perfect world in our mind can be an intoxicating mirage at times – the stealthy know when to go up for air. I don’t know if I’ve learned that yet but I keep at it. Never give up Never surrender : )

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