On Letting Go, Pt. VI: Stereotypes Labels, and Rules

On Letting Go, Pt. VI: Stereotypes Labels, and Rules

We are a culture that espouses Freedom, Individuality, and Liberty, but because we do not recognize our connection with all other sentient beings, as a result, we feel isolated.

We see everything around us as being separate from ourselves. There is a pervasive aura of loneliness that drives our obsession with a sense of belonging.

We label and categorize. We objectify and pigeonhole. We seek to identify ourselves with membership into this or that particular group if we feel it will give us a common identity.

Ironically, the less “mainstream” the group is, especially if it espouses rebelliousness and rejection of the norm, the more stereotypical and uniform its member become.

It doesn’t take long before some asshole will try to formulate rules, protocols and even a specific vocabulary for appearance, behaviors and speech within that particular splinter group, and in so doing, the very same urge to break loose from the herd just produces a smaller, more uniform herd.

No matter how close-knit the members of the herd become, there is little tolerance for deviation amongst themselves.

There is safety in numbers, especially if whatever group with which you identify is subject to prejudice, oppression, ridicule, or even violence, and yet you still will inevitably pay a price for your membership dues.

As a result, eclectic, articulate, sophisticated and well-educated persons of African descent get told to “Black up” by both other Black as well as even some Caucasian peoples.

Mexicans who do not fit some of the same stereotypes that many of them find repugnant get called “Coconuts” (brown outside/white inside) by those of their own ancestry.

Even the GLBTG “community” is derisive towards bisexuality and transgender persons.

Bikers, Goths, Liberals, Artists, Intellectuals, Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, Sports Fanatics, Buddhists, Soldiers, Cops, Firefighters…even Civil War Reenactors are all well-advised to only color within the lines.

Once you make that choice, your lack of choices will begin to loom in front of you like an oncoming train.

Even non-conformity leads to conformity.

My own experiences amongst the aficionados of Kink/Fet have been particularly acute in this respect. You either give or you recieve; you are either a Dom or a Sub for instance. I was once told “You can’t just jump from one thing to another because no one will take you seriously.”

That advice was actually a great relief, although I am sure it was not taken in the spirit in which it was given because I think there is entirely too much seriousness almost everywhere I look.

If it will help spark a little more acceptance, then by all means, don’t take me too seriously…I’d rather make you laugh than growl.

Some may be more broad-minded than others, but I view life as an all-you-can eat smorgasbord where sometimes you may be the chef, the diner, or even one of the entrees…possibly a desert.

It is not my intention to criticize anyone’s choices of identity…that is something they have to choose for themselves. As my teenage children were growing up I was reminded (by way of their behaviors), that “All the world’s a stage…(that we are going through)”.

We can choose at any moment to change in the blink of an eye, even though the actualization of that choice may take you the rest of our lives to accomplish.

The real litmus test for any of us is the question of Authenticity.

It is not a question of living up to anyone else’s pre-determined standards…in fact, it is the exact opposite of that.

There will be some people who will see your freedom as a threat that they will personalize because it confronts their fears and reminds them that they are not free.

The eternally questioning mind will lead you to wherever you belong. Since one thing tends to lead to another according to your nature, that will represent a continual on-going process.

You can rationalize and intellectualize anything, including talking yourself out of being who you really are, or you can repress your true self with fear-based biases that are forced upon you and live in denial, or you can step away from all of it, and in the process step closer to your self.

In a place before words, before even thoughts…you already know.

Trust your heart.



Chazz Vincent



5 Responses to “On Letting Go, Pt. VI: Stereotypes Labels, and Rules”

  1. doveinthedungeon Says:

    Perfect — as I struggle with some internal issues here. Needed to hear this. 🙂

  2. Madeline Harper Says:

    Great post! Thanks for sharing

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