Do People’s Feelings Matter? That Depends.

First of all, I always follow your posts, and generally enjoy them even when I don’t always agree….
But this one was magnificent, and I felt compelled to re-blog it.
This post covered more ground in less time/(space?) than a jet taking off from the deck of an aircraft carrier, but I doubt you intended to write a book on the subject, and let’s face it, there already have been plenty of them written on the subject.
It is a very ambitious effort on that behalf…and besides, I like your style of writing.
I had very mixed emotions (feelings?) about a number of the opinions you voiced because I disagreed with some of them…and that’s the rub…we intellectualize our feelings and let emotions rule our decisions, and the problem is that we don’t identify or recognize what we are doing one way or the other a great deal of the time.
Sometimes a difference of opinion can generate emotions like Anger. There is no doubt that they are connected, no matter how much at odds they may seem to be.
Of course, research would seem to indicate that hormones and polypeptides rule all of our emotions despite the fact that our interpretations of our feelings are learned behaviors that are the result of our acculturation.
And sometimes when we make promises and/or decisions, they are just as likely to be based on sappy emotions that are ill-conceived, as they are when we have to face the consequences…and even those decisions may not be logical or rational…especially a first marriage.
Your blog reflects a great deal of courageous introspection on that behalf.
Absolutely. Love IS A CHOICE…Happiness is a choice. Tolerance, Loving-Kindness, and Acceptance are choices we make also. When we make those decisions, we are less likely to indulge ourselves in self-righteous indignation. I firmly believe that those choices are more responsible for what we judge to be the quality of our lives than circumstances or even outcomes.
I think that whenever a man or a woman uses their emotions to control another person, or to justify their actions instead of taking responsibility for their CHOICE of reactions, that this is nothing short of extortion…I know people often call it emotional blackmail, but I think extortion is more accurate.
There is an expression called Dharma Action that addresses what actions we take that come from a place before thoughts, words, or opinions. Those choices of action accept everything exactly as it is, because arguments about context, or attempts to interpret or paraphrase are still based on opinions and emotions that amount to mental masturbation.
This always leads to suffering.
Pure emotions (emotions devoid of bad programming that may have resulted from disastrous primal experiences) are still a matter of choice…but the rest is bullshit…I couldn’t agree more.
The problem comes when Ignorance precludes the opportunity to know that we have a choice.
We would all be better off if we encouraged boys to be more nurturant and less opinionated, and encouraged girls to see themselves as complete and self-empowered.
Few institutions within our cultures are more responsible for confused emotions and bad programming than most religions.
Jealousy is based on a combination of insecurity, fear, anxiety, and envy but it can be therapeutic if we are provided the opportunity to experience it in a different context than we may have even known was possible.
I refuse to accept responsibility for someone else’s choice of how they interpret my choices if they are just using it as an excuse to try to control me, although anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I am quick to admit when I am wrong, (sometimes even in mid-argument) and even quicker to recognize, validate or empathize with the pain they may be feeling because I rarely ever intentionally try to hurt anyone anymore.
If they are sad, I am sad because I care about them as people, even when they are delusional.
If the world doesn’t understand me, then that is my fault for not communicating more effectively, but if they understand me and we still disagree, I can accept that, regardless of whether they can or not.
People are quick to blame or condemn others, but rarely take responsibility for their own actions.
We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions.
Genuine feelings are important. People are important. Love is important. Selfless love does not change, so it cannot turn into hate. Selfless love does not need to be requited. I exists all by itself, and we can choose to own it in a way that no one can ever take from us, even those whom we love.
Bullshit Feelings are Bullshit.
You Matter.
Chazz Vincent

Must Be This Tall To Ride


I once wrote that feelings are bullshit.

Except I wrote it more dramatically: “Feelings. Are. Bullshit.”

That probably seems rich coming from a guy who frequently writes emotion-based stories and whose only success as a blogger has come from a series of posts validating emotionally damaged wives’ feelings and warning husbands to ignore them at their peril.

Because of a technical glitch, an 18-month-old post titled Love is a Choice was re-posted to my Twitter feed over the weekend after making a small edit to that post and hitting the Update button.

A reader saw the tweet, read the post which included my “Feelings are bullshit” claim, and asked a challenging, but fair question: “Matt. I just read your post on ‘Love is a Choice.’ Do you still feel this way about feelings?”

Human emotion is a fascinating and complex thing.

I don’t think I need to rattle off the…

View original post 1,314 more words

2 Responses to “Do People’s Feelings Matter? That Depends.”

  1. Posted this in response to your reblog notification, but I don’t know whether you get notified in return… just in case… (thank you, again.)

    “We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions.”

    That, I think, is one of the wisest, most-insightful things I’ve read in quite some time.

    Life is often a series of actions and reactions, and much of the time, everyone is acting and reacting based on totally false information because we like to guess, and we’re not always good guessers.

    It’s fascinating, really.

    This is a really great comment. Full of thoughtfulness and wisdom. Thank you for leaving it and contributing to the conversation.

    Also, thank you for sharing this post with others. As someone who has read a lot of things here (can’t thank you enough for that, especially since I’m so wretched about reading other blogs), it means so much to me that something stood out for you particularly.

    Different posts yield different kinds of responses. Sometimes people really like them, and I can tell because of engagement or comments or likes or shares or whatever.

    This wasn’t one of those. Super-lukewarm response.

    So, it’s really nice that someone thought it was more than crap, and was willing to invest so much time and thought into the subject matter.

    Thanks a lot, Chazz.

    Bullshit feelings are bullshit, indeed. An excellent way of putting it. 🙂

    • There are a few people whom I read regularly because we just kind of “click”.
      I started following your posts about a year ago, I believe, and have made short comments once or twice, but I went to my readers page mostly just to catch up and see what was out there and see if I got any responses to any of my recent posts. (I am the worst of bloggers, because I am predominantly a writer of fiction and essays and poetry, but I like the feedback and very occasionally get really jazzed by something I read…), but if I see one of your posts, I will read it (it was already about 10:30 PM).
      I stayed up until 2:30 AM finishing my reply because it touched on so many areas that are almost a bi-line for me.
      (and I am going on a bit again) but thanks for the inspiration. I guess it has turned into a conversation of sorts….

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