OVERCOME

Ten thousand yesterdays pass beneath the wheel.

The slightest reminder triggers

both tears of joy

and sadness.

This wonderful, blissed existence…

Vignettes of spaces and time,

like pearls on a string.

each marked by a unique ambience…

Sweet, sweat and feelings so thick you can smell them,

even taste them

in the air between us.

upon which we ride

giant waves and gentle swells

of Understanding;

thoughts, ideas

and words

passed between us

like

saliva

or even

saltier

sweetnesses

shared freely…

engulfing some

and savoring others.

Tall, open-faced waves

of Satsang

rising up from a placid, tranquil sea.

Each scene has a coming

and a going.

And make no mistake;

the goings were so

exquisitely painful

as to have made it worth

it All

just to have Known You

at all

Perfect Film Noire.

All of it; the whole

scene that my life

was engulfed

in…that night

or any other;

when we said good-by,

knowing it was the last time…

both pretending it wasn’t.

…as I sat there smiling,

with mixed emotions

watching you walk away,

still salaciously

enjoying

and musing over your form

right up to the end…

of you and me;

the end of the story,

the last chapter…

Punto Finale.

Incredible highs

crushing lows

and nowhere to hide

from myself

except

In You.

Where shall I go?

A couple thousand yesterdays pass

and it happens again;

new script

new location

different story

same ending.

I try to convince myself

that I’m OK

that I will survive.

I disconnect

and move on,

dragging this sack of tears,

afraid to breathe

for fear of

breaking it…

setting loose the grieving postponed,

but never addressed…

“Après moi, le déluge

(or so I thought…)

How do I step away from you

and not loose touch

with

who I was and what I did

when

we first met?

Were those feelings not your own?

Just as mine?

Those images of us and who we were;

what we did and how we did it.

Can’t we keep them in a special place

of each our own?

Here and Now,

they all come together,

the joy and the grief alike

as if I’d just released

a box of stars

from captivity…

juxtaposed

and balanced

against each other in

Dissonance and Harmony;

Polyrhythmic Polyphonous

Symphony combined.

Judging Nothing.

Disdaining Nothing.

Here nothing is sacred or profane

as it suddenly becomes so clear

how every single moment

was leading up to this:

Ten thousand yesterdays

balanced against

only this one moment

with the anticipation of

Ten Thousand Tomorrows

not guaranteed, but

give or take a few…

maybe just a chance

to finally get it all right

at the same time.

Please just know

that I Know

that you did the right thing….

“Water seeks it’s

own level.”

Each of our lives is

” a Movable Feast”

Graze where you will.

You at yours

and me at mine.

All things return to the one.

and

She is with me now

as we approach

Zero.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

10/18/2015

 

 

7 Responses to “OVERCOME”

  1. This sounds like a beautiful love story.

    • It ‘s also a story of addictions…in my case, to be in love with being in love; swept away by the tide of emotional rapture, knowing full-well that with joy and desire, comes suffering. They are all one thing. It has to do with embracing the pains that I learned to disguise and carry within myself unaddressed. It also has to do with remembering that ambiance that engulf each period of my life. They change about every six to eight years. Each one is like a separate life…and death.
      Lately I’ve been having flashes of insight or realization abut how the elements fit together…like watching a series of films you had already seen, but perceived differently, due to juxtaposition and synchronicity, despite their lack of chronological sequencing.
      To be in touch with what I had once been, but the gestalt…pain and pleasure in real time…to take a giant breath of air inside a different theater.
      It’s what separates rumination from rapture.
      But I have a feeling you already understand, so thanks for giving me an opportunity to verbalize it.
      XO,
      Chazz

      • This is the intimate personal view that you have. Reading it made me think of threads running through it all and how you talked about watching films you’ve already seen…I get that. Shades of changes happen outside linear time…or parts of changes come together from different aspects of life as we live it. I think that’s in the same ballpark as what you’re saying. As an outsider reading, it was one rolling wave.

      • Good, It should be to an insider too.
        It folds back onto itself; just like a wave.

    • And you are right…it is…several stories in fact.
      Grieving has a way of disconnecting you from something that you love that might remind you of your loss, but wasn’t really directly connected, like “throwing out the baby with the bathwater”.
      I stopped feeling guilty about everything, and just remembered what I liked about me and my life both then and now…and I also accept my failures and missed opportunities…maybe next time I won’t be so myopic, selfish, or lazy.
      I usually got exactly what I deserved…sometimes good, sometimes sad.
      But if you stand far enough back…it’s one continuous love story.
      Yeah…I see that as I read this now.
      Thank you.
      XO,
      Chazz

      • Yes, standing far enough back – that’s where I was. Having guilt can be like wearing cement shoes – just like resentment and fear, no? If I can rise above those weights and see things without flaring emotions, I find that I normally get what I “deserved”. I don’t care for that word “deserved”. It sounds too preordained to me and I think we have more power. How else could we be able to really fuck things up if we didn’t have a wide range of power? I haven’t learned how to use it wisely yet. I believe that understanding the how and why of our created situations, can reveal where the power lies. Mastering that will be a whole other thought train on facing fears…or rather… believing the possibilities already exist, which they all do, metaphysically speaking. Have you seen “What the Bleep Is Going On?” It’s a movie about a lot of possibilities that already ARE. xo, J

      • I need to do some research and find that film.
        Everything you need, you already have; everything you need to know, you already know; everything you need to be, you already are.
        Jo-Ju’s Dog already has Buddha-nature…he just doesn’t know it.
        XO,
        Chazz

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