“for those who think, Life is a comedy…for those who feel, Life is a tragedy”
Someone close to someone very close to me was found dead on Easter morning. A suicide by gunshot to the head.
This past month has been a bit hellish, but ultimately, very life-affirming.
Only just now have I allowed myself to let my emotions be recognized.
So far, it looks like a three-headed dragon.
This is the first post I have ever made directly to this site without composing on ms. word…I didn’t want to over-think it.
I just needed to acknowledge this.
More to come.
Namasté
नमस्ते
Chazz Vincent
This entry was posted on April 4, 2016 at 5:18 pm and is filed under Bardo Thordol, Crazy Zen Wisdom, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
April 4, 2016 at 8:15 pm
I’m sorry. ❤
April 5, 2016 at 5:03 pm
The hardest part is to witness the sorrow of someone you love. He was not a good person, and he abused her until she was afraid for her life, She realized that if we hadn’t insisted she leave and given her a place to stay, she would be dead too.
Now she is gone; back to be near her children. It will be a long time before she is able to think of us without re-living how it ended…I have to accept that and let her heal.
April 5, 2016 at 9:21 pm
Upfgh.
And if her time with you was time *away* from her children, that correlation will likely be forever linked in her mind as well, regardless of the fact that it ensured her safety. It is a sad, sorry (and all too typical) truth that victims lay blame at the wrong feet, and for the wrong things. While I hope that is not the case in this situation, it’s always best to be prepared. Even if henceforth your relationship is forever altered, sleep sound in the knowledge that you provided a safe haven when one was needed.
My sister-in-law (my husband’s sister) was married to an abusive alcoholic for decades. He was not a good person. Even now, years after his death, she holds grudges against her family members who tried to help, who wanted only to keep her and her children safe. HOW DARE THEY?!
Sigh.
And now, with her sons, the cycle continues.
A n y w a y
A very long way of saying, “I get it.”
Nothing about abuse is easy. And nothing about grief is simple. Hang in there. ❤
April 6, 2016 at 4:51 pm
Thanx. Her children are young adults in another state. Now she is living with them, so that’s OK.
I think it is just going to take some time to forget and we are still a grim reminder.
It is said that a Buddhist will go straight into hell to save a friend.
Sometimes you just have to accept the price you pay for friendship. I don’t think she blames us. It’s just a matter of association with the horror she faced.
Her kids are fantastic. We met her daughter. She is very strong and well-adjusted.
Time to let go so she can heal.
Thanks for your kind words.
Chazz
April 5, 2016 at 2:01 am
What a horrible tragedy. Sending positive energy your way.
May 15, 2016 at 4:17 am
Thank you.
April 5, 2016 at 8:12 am
I’m so sorry ….
April 5, 2016 at 5:10 pm
It’s complex, but the real suffering was not mine. I was merely a witness, and yet we had to watch her go to escape her grief.
May 3, 2016 at 9:14 am
It sounds like you were jarred – to be posting so bare. I can only imagine the positive reasons she had to be present with you and your Suki. xo
May 7, 2016 at 8:39 pm
Some things are out there in the stars someplace long before we become aware of them. It may be regarded as fate that we encounter them, but it is our CHOICE of how we interact with those forces that frames the picture of our lives.
Several years ago, Suki made friends with her before we became car-pool buddies. They met in the parking lot where I work while Suki was waiting for me to come out…just by chance.
Several years later, when I was forced into my “cabin in the woods” (16 miles from my workplace) I learned that she traveled even farther and I was on her way, and she reached out to me to offer a solution to my recent predicament.
We shared a 45-minute commute each way, four days a week. (I work ten-hour days).
One thing just follows another as we pass along the wheel.
XO,
Chazz