I once wrote a post here called “She Wants to be the Other Woman”.

It was written for Suki, my spouse and co-conspirator of over twenty years.

The mother of our three children.

She rarely writes at all anymore; she says it is just “not her thing” and although it was not her strongest skill, the inspiration, understanding and support she provided was a creative thing of beauty in itself.

She never got to enjoy the kind of creative banter or literary flirtatiousness that I have enjoyed with a number of fellow writers (and fellow travelers) who have inspired me in other ways.

I assumed she already knew, and enjoyed the companionship and intimacy not provided others who have inspired me, in much the same way as a wife is jealous of a mistress.

My real mistake was in not recognizing that she never felt she got the credit she deserved just for being there for me.

Favorite Poems #’s 1,2,6 and 9 were inspired by her.

We give to others according to their needs, as well as for what we get from them.

We all bring something different to this movable feast we call our lives, and nothing tastes better than it does when we hunger for it, and we will do more to get it when those hungers are not satisfied.

Her hunger was for recognition as well as acknowledgement. I regret not understanding that now, in retrospect.

Between Suki and Anastasia (sometimes literally) I drew inspirations I have learned to envy and miss in more ways than I could have imagined. It is not surprising that they developed the rapport that they found within each other that I was blessed to witness, and I share her nostalgia for that wonderful time in our lives together.

At least Suki is still here, although sometimes I feel like I was the consolation prize. The long gone Astral Traveler left without even saying goodbye, but I later learned that it was just her way of hoping we would leave the light on for her, because in truth, she always came and went as she pleased, and we loved her for it.

(We still do, by the way.)

She called me from somewhere in eastern Europe almost a year ago; she had been traveling with a techno EDM band that barely spoke any English at all, and I understand she is playing electronic percussion for them, which is quite amazing, since she never played the drums at all before, and often lamented that she always ended up with the guitarist even though she wanted the drummer.

Now she can be the drummer she always wanted, but never got.

Good for her.

To even know either of them was a blessing for which I  will always be grateful, but since I never seem to manage to say it…

Thank you Suki.

Dōmo arigatōgozaimashita, tsukimono suji no kimi.

どうもありがとうございました, 私の最愛の白い魔女

We miss you Anastasia, and yes we’ll leave the light on….

Chazz Vincent


Sayonara, y’all!


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