Awakenings: I Found a New Drug

 

As fond as I am of self-medication in the pursuit of Enlightenment, Ecstasy, Pleasure and/or Sexual Frenzy, I have to credit my physician for recommending what’s proving to be the Magick Bullet, or Missing Link… the last missing piece of the puzzle; this enigma that will lead me back to my one true home…eventually.

I do not say that in arrogance, but rather with a feeling of eventual certainty, a feeling more than a belief, although like quantum theory, an infinite series of repetitions will eventually introduce a mutation that will trigger a different result….

Yes, I know that I could also be describing the definition of Insanity (…like that’s such a bad thing, but if you don’t already know, it’’s not all that it’s cracked up to be), but the truth is that because of a change in a legal maintenance prescription medication, I was able to “Observe the Observer” long enough to recognize a serious error in my behaviors triggered by feelings that were altering my judgement, based on misperceptions that have existed as far back as I can recall.

I had finally repeated the error often enough to recognize the hidden flaw.

And surprisingly, it’s not a psych med, although it does seem to make just about everything work better.

(It’s also not an amphetamine.)

I just finished my third week.

And even if I am no longer able to take it somewhere down the road, or the effect wears off, the Insight that it has provided will remain, but do you remember a movie entitled “Awakenings”?

What I don’t know is whether or not I will still have the enthusiasm that triggers real Dharma Action.

There is something about uncertainty…a kind of edginess that I have learned to crave once again.

To be willing to Jump into the Fire…or the volcano, if the situation dictates it.

(And I didn’t have to fall in Love, Infatuation, or even a Crush.)

Go figure.

But the Proof of the Pudding is in the eating of the pudding….

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 

さよなら絶望先生

(Goodbye, Master of Despair)

Namasté

नमस्ते

Sukhino Bhava

सुखिनोऽभव)

Chazz Vincent

03/31/2020

 

Sayonara Y’all!

Awakenings

 

Life springs ahead.

Too much meditation,

not enough Dharma Action.

Time to awaken from this Dream

of Death

to enter

The Lucid Dream

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

03/31/2020

Fish swim with the tides, in and out of the lagoon as it empties itself, receives from, and flows back into the sea.

 

 

Friday the Thirteenth

…so I wake up hearing a voice whispering “Oh shit! Here we go again…why can’t we just go back to sleep?”

“Indeed. In fact, why bother to wake up at all?” I found myself replying, albeit sarcastically.

(I suddenly realize that at this point, I am engaged in clever repartee with myself.)

And it was then that I realized that I was only dreaming.

Nevertheless, I found myself deeply disturbed that such notions were in my head at all.

Yes it was only a dream, but apparently, dark impulses must be generated from within, but why?

One year was enough…too much in fact…for either recuperation or morning. Life was slipping through my fingers…as if trying to cup my hands to catch my own blood.

I was suddenly overcome by anxiety, as I felt my chest tighten and I became short of breath, as if suffocating.

It was then that I realized that I was only dreaming.

So I went to my long forgotten mistress, my muse, the keyboard, with whom so much time had passed, so long ago.

Initially, she rebuffed my advances, shamed me, questioned my motives, and demanded to know my intentions; jealous and hurt, she nonetheless reluctantly consented to physical congress, although it was really her affections that I had missed the most.

Go figure.

The longer that I tried to express myself, the further down the rabbit hole I fell.

I fell so far that it felt like I was flying, and suddenly I was.

It was then that I realized that I had only been dreaming….

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei
さよなら絶望先生
(Goodbye, Master of Despair)

Namasté
नमस्ते

Sukhino Bhava
सुखिनोऽभव)

Chazz Vincent
Friday, the 13th of March, 2020