Archive for the Bardo Thordol Category

The Ten-Thousand Things

Posted in Bardo Thordol, Crazy Zen Wisdom, Crossing the Abyss, Poetry, The Liberation Through Hearing on August 29, 2019 by dreamlanddancing

 

 

Each Day

As I face

The Ten Thousand Things,

that would either

impede or obviate

my pursuit

of The One,

it occurs to me

that

as I move in any single

aspect or angle

in the pursuit

of The One,

if I should

merely persevere long enough,

that eventually

I will become

one with

The One.

 

 

 

Wu!

Wu-Wei

Wu-Wei-Wu.

 

 

 

Matte Kudesai

Patience Please.

 

 

 

If I should

pursue

The One,

for the rest of

what is left of

my life,

I will never

Arrive.

 

 

The deer runs

not because the dog chases it;

the dog chases the deer,

because 

the deer runs.

 

 

 

 Wu!

Wu-Wei

Wu-wei-Wu.

 

 

 

Matte Kudesai

Patience Please.

 

 

 

The more passionate

the methods used

in the course of 

any pursuit,

the more surely

that

desire

will succumb

to

confusion.

 

 

 

Wu!

Wu-Wei

Wu-wei-Wu.

 

 

 

Matte Kudesai

Patience Please.

 

 

 

Each Day

As I face

The Ten Thousand Things,

I realize

that

No matter

which way I go,

all things return to The One.

 

Some directions

will be longer

or shorter

or faster

or more secure,

but the path we choose

will determine

both our Methods

as well as our intentions

and whether we know it or not,

instead of 

seeking

the attainment of anything

somewhere in the future,

if I embrace

my present circumstances

with joyous resolve,

compassion

and Grace,

fully engaged

in the ever-present

never-present

present moment,

there will be no time for

dreadful speculation,

the result of wallowing

in fearful rumination

instead of being completely

 in the Here and Now.

 

Acceptance, rather than Denial

allows us to focus on

what our life really is, 

rather than

what we wish it was.

 

If you are unhappy now,

what makes you think

you will be happy

sometime later

in a future

that will never come?

 

 

 

Wu!

Wu-Wei

Wu-wei-Wu.

 

 

 

Matte Kudesai

Patience Please.

 

 

Thanks.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

08/29/2019

 

Never Too Late…?

Posted in Bardo Thordol, Crazy Zen Wisdom, Observations of a Recovering Buddhist, Poetry, The Liberation Through Hearing on July 15, 2019 by dreamlanddancing

Six months dancing with Death in a dream within a dream

 

 

As finite Time hangs in the balance

All too conscious

that

as The One

returns to Zero,

just how precious

the ever-present

never-present

present moment

is

was

and will be.

Recuperation.

So many hours

for

necessary thoughts,

albeit dangerous or not

seducing me

into remembering

the regrets I could not rewrite

within my history.

Facing the shame of my wrongs

done unto others

to whom I can no longer

apologize,

yet totally eclipsed

by the magnitude

of my despair

for all that I will leave

undone.

 

Hesitation

preoccupation

self-consciousness

or cowardice

are indistinguishable

after the fact,

when

The Moment

was lost.

Retrospective or Requiem? Well, that just Depends. Pt. II

Posted in Bardo Thordol, Crazy Zen Wisdom, Post-Neo Dharma Bum, That was Zen, and this is Tao on June 22, 2018 by dreamlanddancing

The things we desire may turn into suffering, but the suffering itself may lead us to the Palace of Wisdom.

A life devoid of desire serves little purpose or motivation, but what we desire, and how we pursue those desires will determine the quality of our lives and our suffering so that we may rejoice in all of it.

Several years ago, I was forced to give up one of the great loves of my life in order to regain the greatest love of my life.

For more than two years, the sadness of that loss threatened to overcome me. I was forced to break the heart of another lost soul who had herself resuscitated me, as well as my marriage. 

It also propelled my drive to finish the second novel.

When it all began, I was despondent and lonely; my Eternal Beloved had proclaimed that she no longer loved me.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a disarmingly beautiful, tall, and slender young woman who sat next to me began a friendship that turned into a “work spouse” affair that grew into something much more than that.

What touched me most was how sweet and generous she was to me. I could detect no visible pretense or guile in anything she said or did, and her loving nature was as genuine as I had ever encountered. 

She loved the million-dollar words I used. She made me feel like the handsomest smartest, and funniest man she had ever met.

She made me feel loved again, and suddenly, my relationship with my wife was renewed.

I had been honest with her about my new friendship, and we were already no strangers to exploring physical sexual relationships when the opportunities presented themselves, but when she realized that my paramour and I had emotional feelings for each other, I was faced with an ultimatum I was unprepared to accept.

It was either one or the other, but not both. No compromise, no discussion. So much for Polyamory.

In one day, three hearts were broken, but in the process, my wife and I re-discovered each other, and the woman who saved us both went into rehab.

I had turned a blind eye to her alcoholism, and perhaps my love had enabled her affliction, but I suspect that the pain of rejection was enough to prompt her to seek help.

It had been the end of the happiest year of my life until I finally realized that the sweetness and joy I had been shown would always be mine; it was something that no one else could ever take from me…not even her.

I was forced to let go of everything in order to learn how to hold onto the feelings, rather than just the circumstantial situations or people, so that they should remind me what is loving, true, and beautiful.

If one is fortunate enough to recognize the arc of one’s life, and wise enough not to try to hold onto the past with excessive rumination there is potential to discover some degree of purpose, or motivation running through the narrative we somehow believe we are writing, at least until we finally come to recognize that we are mere actors, or perhaps more accurately, impostors attempting in vain to emulate the beings we aspire to become.

It is only then that we can attain any degree of authenticity.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei…

Sayonara Y’all….

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

06/21/2018

“for those who think, Life is a comedy…for those who feel, Life is a tragedy”

Posted in Bardo Thordol, Crazy Zen Wisdom, Uncategorized on April 4, 2016 by dreamlanddancing

Someone close to someone very close to me was found dead on Easter morning. A suicide by gunshot to the head.

This past month has been a bit hellish, but ultimately, very life-affirming.

Only just now have I allowed myself to let my emotions be recognized.

So far, it looks like a three-headed dragon.

This is the first post I have ever made directly to this site without composing on ms. word…I didn’t want to over-think it.

I just needed to acknowledge this.

More to come.

Namasté
नमस्ते
Chazz Vincent

 

 

 

Punto Finale

Posted in Bardo Thordol, Buddhism, Crazy Zen Wisdom, Poetry on November 28, 2015 by dreamlanddancing

When we all are gone…

When the Universe

returns

to

The Void,

and the One

returns to Zero,

there will be no sadness,

with no one to mourn

our passing

or celebrate

our existence.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

11/27/2015

 

Nothing Lasts Forever.

Posted in Bardo Thordol, Crazy Zen Wisdom, Crossing the Abyss, Jantor To The Temple Of The Holy of Holies, Poetry on November 14, 2015 by dreamlanddancing

Nothing Lasts Forever.

No Thing Lasts for Ever.

That which we call Nothing…

The Void

yielded an entire universe

in one Big Bang.

The Bone of Space passes

through

Empty Space as thick as molasses.

Even this will not last forever.

What looks solid is empty

eventually we shall pass back into the void again

until a similar set of random circumstances

spits out another universe.

Things pop in and out

of existence

at the rate of

ten to the negative twenty-second

nanoseconds,

but

Nothing Lasts Forever.

No Thing Lasts for Ever.

But only Nothing(ness)

Lasts

Forever.

Just This.

Only This.

The void between

Nothingness and Eternity.

It has all the time that doesn’t exist

in all the universes

that ever have or ever will be

born.

“First there is a Mountain

then there is no Mountain,

Then there Is.”

I alone sit motionless

in its center

as the entire universe

hurtles through

something more…

something outside of itself…

something else

that is Nothing

that is less than Nothing.

Pure Yin,

the vagina of

pure existence

from which Everything

springs out of Nothing

that does not need a man

to complete it.

When we all are gone

there will be no sadness,

with no one to morn

our passing.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

11/11/2015

 

OVERCOME

Posted in Bardo Thordol, Crazy Zen Wisdom, Love, Poetry on October 19, 2015 by dreamlanddancing

Ten thousand yesterdays pass beneath the wheel.

The slightest reminder triggers

both tears of joy

and sadness.

This wonderful, blissed existence…

Vignettes of spaces and time,

like pearls on a string.

each marked by a unique ambience…

Sweet, sweat and feelings so thick you can smell them,

even taste them

in the air between us.

upon which we ride

giant waves and gentle swells

of Understanding;

thoughts, ideas

and words

passed between us

like

saliva

or even

saltier

sweetnesses

shared freely…

engulfing some

and savoring others.

Tall, open-faced waves

of Satsang

rising up from a placid, tranquil sea.

Each scene has a coming

and a going.

And make no mistake;

the goings were so

exquisitely painful

as to have made it worth

it All

just to have Known You

at all

Perfect Film Noire.

All of it; the whole

scene that my life

was engulfed

in…that night

or any other;

when we said good-by,

knowing it was the last time…

both pretending it wasn’t.

…as I sat there smiling,

with mixed emotions

watching you walk away,

still salaciously

enjoying

and musing over your form

right up to the end…

of you and me;

the end of the story,

the last chapter…

Punto Finale.

Incredible highs

crushing lows

and nowhere to hide

from myself

except

In You.

Where shall I go?

A couple thousand yesterdays pass

and it happens again;

new script

new location

different story

same ending.

I try to convince myself

that I’m OK

that I will survive.

I disconnect

and move on,

dragging this sack of tears,

afraid to breathe

for fear of

breaking it…

setting loose the grieving postponed,

but never addressed…

“Après moi, le déluge

(or so I thought…)

How do I step away from you

and not loose touch

with

who I was and what I did

when

we first met?

Were those feelings not your own?

Just as mine?

Those images of us and who we were;

what we did and how we did it.

Can’t we keep them in a special place

of each our own?

Here and Now,

they all come together,

the joy and the grief alike

as if I’d just released

a box of stars

from captivity…

juxtaposed

and balanced

against each other in

Dissonance and Harmony;

Polyrhythmic Polyphonous

Symphony combined.

Judging Nothing.

Disdaining Nothing.

Here nothing is sacred or profane

as it suddenly becomes so clear

how every single moment

was leading up to this:

Ten thousand yesterdays

balanced against

only this one moment

with the anticipation of

Ten Thousand Tomorrows

not guaranteed, but

give or take a few…

maybe just a chance

to finally get it all right

at the same time.

Please just know

that I Know

that you did the right thing….

“Water seeks it’s

own level.”

Each of our lives is

” a Movable Feast”

Graze where you will.

You at yours

and me at mine.

All things return to the one.

and

She is with me now

as we approach

Zero.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

10/18/2015

 

 

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