Archive for the Mature Theme Category

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: chapter 33

Posted in Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Mature Theme, Much Too Good For Children, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone, The Knowledge of Good and Evil on April 10, 2020 by dreamlanddancing

 

What Amy didn’t know was that as her hair fanned out, it was just then that Elliott was beginning to experience the first visual effects of The Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

The expansion of Time resulted in seeming to slow down everything he observed around him, like watching a slow motion replay of an explosion.

He later reflected that it seemed as if his “scanning rate” had rapidly accelerated as frame by frame, everything else was being broken down into a series of smaller, yet slower intervals.

Amy’s rich chestnut hair eventually seemed to be standing straight out in all directions. The movements were so slow and minute that they were barely perceptible. Everything about her seemed to glow from within, creating an aura, like a halo that shimmered with neon highlights that slowly were being flung off of her.

“…Elliott?…hey Boss! Are you coming, or not?”

“Hell, I’m not even breathing hard. Why?”

“Be patient El…I meant are you going outside? …Whoah! You’re already getting off, aren’t you?…I can see it on your face, and in your eyes…can you walk?” Amy chuckled and she took on an almost motherly tone.

“I hadn’t given it much thought…at least until just now when you asked. Maybe I should try to stand up to see. Would you mind spotting me?” Elliott winked as he offered up his forearm parallel to the floor like an elderly woman stopped at a street corner waiting for a Boy Scout to escort her across.

Elliott then began to notice that he could hear the sounds of their voices splashing off the walls, resulting in a delay causing time/phase/frequency comb filtering, a barely discernible metallic ring, and a deeper, more resonant thickening of her voice caused by the heterodyne of the sum and difference of the combinations of the frequencies being resonated within the room.

As they stood up together Elliott closed his eyes and smiled.

“Can you hear it? …or is that just me?” he asked.

“Our voices, or our thoughts? Be prepared to bare the depths of your soul today; to become of ‘One Mind’ is to keep no secrets.”

Amy paused slightly before she added “I trust you to understand that without fear…the only times that I have ever seen anyone struggle with it was because they were in denial about themselves, or their present circumstances…pretty much like acid in that respect.”

She paused again to give Elliott a moment to process the concept.

This was the first that Amy had really engaged in such unfettered candor or even direct dialogue between them since she had arrived, and in so doing, risk betraying those long-lost feelings that were bubbling up to the surface.

She remembered that years ago, when they had sought professional advice for couples therapy how much he valued unfiltered honesty.

“Right this minute, just hearing everything with new ears is taking up just about all of my attention…but then again…” Elliott’s voice trailed off as a new sensation overwhelmed his attention.

“My sense of smell…it’s quite extraordinary, really…” again his voice trailed off as he found himself raising his nose slightly as he flared his nostrils and turned his head  slowly left and right like a dog testing the air for a scent.

Then he suddenly smiled broadly as he stared into Amy’s eyes.

“All right. I know what you’re doing…” as Amy spoke, she reached out to touch Elliot’s face. “A penny for your thoughts right now, baby…what is it?”

Elliott closed his eyes as he spoke “I can…I can…well, smell your pussy! And it’s quite wonderful, really…I mean…”

“You don’t have to explain…I already knew…and I’m not embarrassed at all, because I can already begin to hear your thoughts. It may take awhile to get used to it, and to learn to trust your instincts, and to act upon your intuition.”

A flood of very happy memories flashed between them in an instant as Elliott opened his eyes to stare directly into Amy’s hazel eyes as a tear ran down her face.

It was like a high-speed photomontage of long-forgotten memories of days long gone.

“What’s up, Doc?” Rebel whispered into Elliott’s ear, startling him.

As he turned to face her, he realized she was across the room, sitting in a chair, smiling like the Cheshire Cat. He could even hear her purr, in fact.

“If you try, I’d be willing to bet that you can also smell my cooter from way over there…recognize it?” (Rebel had this way of turning her face slightly downwards as she looked up at you smiling slyly and slightly wickedly.)

“As best I can recollect, you really enjoyed that more than most…but then again, we all thought you were part hound dog in more ways than one” she drawled so slowly he thought he might forget what she was saying before she got to the end of the sentence if her eyes and thoughts hadn’t already delivered the message in an instant.

And she was rarely ever misunderstood.

“Time to get moving to the garden, boys and girls. I think we can all really benefit from the change of atmosphere.” LeighAnn was clearly the designated den-mother of these, her cubs…at least for now.

As Elliott turned to go to the door, he suddenly noticed the beatific expression on Chiana’s face as she stared into Jed’s eyes.

“Well I can see that there’s no point in trying to keep any secrets around here today…not that there ever was in the first place,” he mused.

It would be wrong to try to deny that he didn’t feel a pang, or maybe even a pinch, a twinge, perhaps, but it wasn’t jealousy; it was more of an exhilaration, like the drop on a roller coaster, a very fast elevator, or a small private plane, followed by a strange sadness he hadn’t really anticipated, and couldn’t really explain.

He had always maintained that it was in moments like this that he learned his most valuable lessons about his true feelings, and also when he felt most alive.

He was often known for saying “Don’t get me wrong…it’s not that I don’t care… it’s just that I don’t mind.” but most outsiders had no clue as to what he really meant by that, although it was really said for the benefit of those who already knew.

To those who did, he also often said “Call it whatever you want, but whatever it is that I feel in that one clear moment, I know just exactly how deeply I love you, how much I really want you, and how much I want to encourage you to pursue all of your desires with my blessing.”

And he had said it surprisingly often.

Elliott now found himself surrounded by a phalanx of women leading him to the garden as his eyes met Chiana’s. He watched her face betray first a slightly guilty embarrassment, followed by that same twinge that he had just experienced watching her, and then the most beautifully knowing smile of Moksha by way of Satsang.

“Just like the old days…right, ‘Doc’?” Elliott suddenly realized that he had just heard her thoughts, but it was definitely Chiana’s voice he was hearing, despite the fact that her lips never moved as she winked at him.

One Mind indeed.

“And things just keep getting curiouser and curiouser.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

April 8th, 2020

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: CH 32

Posted in Enhanced and Fortified non-fiction, Mature Theme, Novel, Once Upon a Blue Agave Moon, The Knowledge of Good and Evil on April 1, 2020 by dreamlanddancing

 

Jed was next to offer a few suggestions regarding comfort for the duration of the experience.

“Being not at all concerned for any sort of modesty, you may still find that for the sake of your physical comfort you may want to try these robes…or not. The point is that in case you’re inclined to want to sit on something, but would prefer a layer of cloth, or similar materials between your junk and with whatever you’re about to come in contact.” 

“Also protection from sun, rain wind, or even drafts helps keep you focused on the business at hand without diverting your attention about what to do.”

Next, Rebel offered her take on the robes.

“It’s got a hood if you need it, and it can be worn tied at the neck and draped over your shoulders like a cape, but the sleeves are short enough to stay out of your way and not get dragged through whatever you try to touch. The first time I tried The Knowledge, I got way too distracted with details that could have been avoided if we had planned better, and this doesn’t have to get in the way…of anything, if you catch my drift…” she winked and showed just the slightest hint of a smile, bordering on a smirk as she slowly pirouetted just fast enough to flash everybody.

(Funny thing…once you are naked, there is no striptease, no innuendo, or lasciviousness that can match what even a little clothing can provide.)

LeighAnn added “I was the one charged with assessing our need for other preparations that might need to be anticipated, related to the living space and environment for today, and honestly I can’t imagine any scenario that you’re not already prepared for…true to form, the Leopard isn’t likely to change his spots, so kudos to Elliott for being the perfect host, because I would say we can all relax and just enjoy the journey.”

Then she added “Given the early hour of the day, I would suggest that we go outside for the onset of effects; I believe that I noticed a small garden within your compound, right? The softer, subtler hues are more noticeable in indirect light, and some images may be almost too intense in total darkness for your first experience.” 

Leigh-Ann’s demeanor was a mixture of clinician and compassionate friend. Back in the day, she and Elliott were the ones everybody went to for help, or to “fix things” if something started to go sideways, or they needed advice.

“Oh yeah…you may want to sit down for this one, ‘Doc’ (that had been  Rebel’s nickname for Elliott years ago, but strangely, years before they ever met, it was also one of Amy’s pet names for Elliott).

Amy took a big breath and turned her head ever so slightly before looking Elliott very directly in the eyes. The others were involved in some other discussion, and Chiana and Jed were pretty much oblivious of everyone else.

“You, Jed, Leigh-Annn and I are the only ones that this would attach any meaning to any of this, but, well, one of the spirit guides that you will probably meet calls herself ‘Betty” and often lapses into ‘Boop-Oopa-Doop!’ during her utterances, but although she frequently appears in the form of a giant Amazon Macaw, she has also upon occasion morphed into that old thirties-era cartoon character Betty Boop….”

“Now I’d bet just about the whole farm that we’ve both already got somebody in particular in mind, considering the fact that she always featured Betty Boop as her alter ego…”

“Especially on stage…” Elliott suddenly realized that the air in his lungs was most conspicuous in its absence, as he slowly began to sit up very straight.

“Well, the last time that we went to down to The Home for Wayward Souls, and took The Knowledge, ‘Betty’ came up to Leigh-Ann and me and introduced herself as ‘April Tremski’….”.

With that, the phrase ‘Singularity of Time and Space’ shot through Elliott’s brain like an arrow, although he would have been hard-pressed to explain its relevance as a very large tear ran down his face.

Then he gasped.

Neither he nor April ever realized anything remotely approaching the success musically that they had shared as they did after they went their separate ways.

April on keyboards or strings, or directing the singers, and Elliott on guitar, bass, percussion, an editing table, or a mixing console, they had long ago lost track of how many bands they had performed in together.

There was no One without The Two.

She had been the wife of one of Elliott’s best friends when they both taught at Miami-Dade Community College. They started experimenting with a few relatively new musical genres at several parties that her husband Michael had thrown.

This was shortly before Michael and April separated, then divorced.

Shortly after that, Elliott and April began experimenting at just about everything that came their way, be it Human Sexuality, Music, and Visual Arts; back before they called it Polyamory, they all could have been the model for a TV show called “Friends…with Benefits”.

(This put a severe strain on Elliott’s friendship with Michael, however.) 

Then Elliott met Amy.

They fell deeply in love and he left wife number two, and Amy’s husband left their apartment right before he moved in with Amy.

Then he, Amy and his other best friend, Joe (who was also on the faculty at MDCC), found a house large enough to also accommodate a small recording studio.

Shortly after moving in together, their arguments and fights became surpassed only by their lovemaking for passion, and intensity, bordering (usually) on violence (only occasionally, and essentially accidentally), until it became Madness.

After about six months Amy moved out of Elliott and Joe’s place and into “Linoleum Flats” as she called it. (“…A little Piece of the Ghetto, right in Miami Shores…”).

Yet curiously, their love affair blossomed and flourished again for another three years after she moved out, but eventually, she left for the Pacific Northwest, only to return once more before disappearing again.

She wrote to him twice, but he never replied, despite missing her terribly and intending to write her back.

(And he just might have, if he hadn’t lost the address during one of his ill-fated, unplanned, unprepared moves that he kept having to make.) Elliott’s capacity for self-sabotage was legendary.

Meanwhile, April practically lived with Elliott at the studio when they were working together, which was virtually all the time. They rehearsed two different bands they had formed on alternate nights if the studio wasn’t already booked.

Eventually, Elliott moved the recording studio that he had built into his home up to West Hollywood, and decided to live in a twelve by fourteen storage room in the back of a shotgun duplex in a run-down strip mall between a massage parlor and a topless bar.

Music and Multi-Media took priority over every other aspect of Elliott’s life, so as long as April made sure that there was always another project, another soundtrack, another commercial jingle, another concert, she would always be there with him…(and the sex was fantastic).

Then Elliott met future ex-wife number three.

In less than two years, Elliott was forced to go out of business.

A year after that, number three was dead from a drug-related accident.

In less than five years, April was dead from cancer.

Amy reached out to touch Elliott’s face. On a certain level, they all had been rivals, even though they all loved and respected each other. Nothing in their lives after that was ever the same, because they no longer shared each other’s common interests in the same way, with the same singularity of purpose.

And yet, here they were, once again banded together with a very singular purpose and motive.

The idea of an opportunity to even witness April’s spirit…to commune with her, maybe even make amends…was that even possible?

“The quickest way to get sucked right back into the mess you just left or another one just like it is to leave behind any serious unresolved karma…” (Amy knew what it was like to try to hold Elliott’s fickle attentions.)

“Remember the first time that you told me that, Boss? And now we begin again…”

Elliott could only shake his head affirmatively; (he had promised himself that he would try not to weep openly today.)

“We all left a couple lifetimes of unfinished business back then, and most people don’t get the chance for a retake to edit our karma, but this was meant to be…just like last time…think about it…the world almost ended, but now we have a second chance to become major players in the new order of things.”

“This may the chance for all of us to set things right…to take the other road this time, and see where it leads us…with full knowledge and hindsight…maybe this time nobody has to get hurt….” Amy bit her bottom lip.

There are several times in our lives where we are privileged to experience a group mentality that crosses over our relationships with others, whether they be family, friends, or lovers.

At times it even displaces the others, at least for some significant period of time.

In the military, it can be your ‘battle buddies’; or in high school, it can be your team, your club, or a committee.

A professional athlete may experience the same kind of bond.

A band is the ultimate surrogate family, which is inevitable, but unfortunate, because most musicians come from damaged families, and continue to have disastrous romantic relationships, because so many of them are romance whores.

There is a common mind devoted to a common purpose that unites them, often shaping their decisions and opinions.

You know you are in the midst of it when you realize that together you are involved in something much greater than the mere sum of the individual parts. Everything that you do has an effect on the other members of the group, the band, the family, the team, the gang, and the choices you make inevitably take them into account…or at least until it doesn’t anymore.

It won’t be until years later, if ever, that you really come to terms with what you lost when you walked away.

That may have been what had left all of them strangely confused afterward, because it would be doubtful that any one of them could have told anyone else what their common purpose was.

Oddly enough, although it would be hard to figure out what had drawn them together in the first place (other than past-life karma), but now, years later, their present-life karma had brought them back together again.

They definitely knew what it was like to be a team, and already even before Elliott came into the picture, they had become “battle buddies” with a formidable reputation.

Would they be able to function again as a family?

“I move we adjourn this meeting to go out into the garden…I don’t know about y’all…but I’m already starting to see some shit I’d be more comfortable dealing with if we were all together.” Rebel was as direct as she was charming when she wanted to be.

“I second the motion” was all Leigh-Ann had to offer as she rose to go to the door.

“Things just keep getting curiouser and curiouser….” Amy shook her head slightly as she spoke, and then wildly afterward, throwing her shoulder-length hair first clockwise, then counter-clockwise, fanning out around her shoulders.

She knew he would recognize the quote from Lewis Carroll.

Indeed.

 

Chazz Vincent

03/31/2020

OIABAM: Indeterminacy, chapter31

Posted in Enhanced and Fortified non-fiction, Mature Theme, Much Too Good For Children, Polyamory, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on September 20, 2019 by dreamlanddancing

 

His best friend, a retired porn star he had once rescued long ago, two of the great loves of his life, and his wife…now thoroughly infatuated with his best friend.

All the necessary ingredients for a really complicated Daisy-Chain of Karma.

With all the commotion and uproar since their arrival, it was in the occasional odd quiet moments that he realized how much Amy’s sudden appearance had managed to preoccupy increasingly larger portions of Elliott’s most private thoughts.

Amy Rogers; originally of Miami Beach, of late a true Mondo Civitano.

Her intellect at least matched (perhaps even exceeded) Elliott’s, which not only hypnotized him when they first met, but he soon began to realize just how shrewd she had been since they had arrived.

When she called him “Boss” over the radio, he couldn’t have been more stunned, and once it sank in that it really was her, he was overcome with emotion, realizing that he might just “choke” (cry) when he saw her, (absolutely not acceptable in his world), but instead she managed to slip back and forth between distraction (with Rebel’s help) and just enough familiarity to provoke speculation without showing her hand.

(It never occurred to Elliott that Amy might be just as apprehensive about direct, sincere, or emotional interaction as he was.)

She had been like a fan-dancer, showing only as much as she chose, all the while implying…hinting…alluding to so much more.

Up until she had explained some of the visual experiences associated with The Knowledge…, she had also scrupulously avoided exposing either her mind, or the depth of her character, or how well-cultured she really was, but to Elliott, it had been conspicuous in its absence.

She knew that he would be expecting her to reveal her intentions, all the while playing coy, ever the coquette, avoiding direct interactions with Elliott, and using Jeannette Rogers, her “twin sister of different mothers and fathers” (aka Rebel, Rebecca Steele, and about a dozen other aliases) as bait to sweeten the deal, much like she had done so many times before, so long ago, without having to risk outright rejection.

…Not a second time, and he knew it, having had so many years to ponder if it had been a mistake to let her walk away the first time.

They both pretended it was mutual, even though neither of them wanted it to end, each hoping the other would intercede; both of them regretting that they hadn’t, even as they were doing it…Ah! Pride….

In the bigger scheme of things, they probably had a metric shit-ton of Karma to burn off first…and other fish to fry…but this had been unresolved for so long; long gone, but not forgotten…just sent to a dormant wing of each others’ brains that had been shut down since that acid trip at the Pink Floyd concert.

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

09/20/2019

Fish swim with the tides, in and out of the lagoon as it empties itself, receives from, and flows back into the sea.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei 

さよなら絶望先生

(Goodbye, Master of Despair)

 

five poems for submission: 2018

Posted in Mature Theme, Poetry, Tsukimono-suji on November 29, 2017 by dreamlanddancing

(#1)

I Can See Your House from Here

Time and Time again,

those who sought in vain

to capture my attention

were those who tried to

talk me down from off

the ledge.

 

It never worked.

It never will.

understanding not

what it is that brings me

to this lofty perch.

Observing what goes

unexamined by

those all too preoccupied

by thoughts beyond control

within lives run by

thinking constantly…

Minds chattering so loudly

they cannot hear their feelings

even if their souls should speak,

…I can see your house from here.

 

Out on this ledge

thin as Here and Now

The Music is so very loud

you cannot hear your thinking mind;

feeling is all that

you can do.

 

I did not come up here to jump,

for I am here to dance

out on this high edge.

Do not try to talk me down

from off my ledge.

Come up and join me

in my special place

where my Music never ends.

We can dance here day and night

keeping warm in Winter,

dry us after rains of Spring,

naked jaybirds if we please

tans celebrating Summer sun,

we can dance until the Fall.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

05/27/201

 

 

(#2)

Tears of Sorrow, Tears of Joy…

(I just can’t stop crying).

Ten Thousand days and nights;

the best of luck

and worst of judgement

compounding

exhilarating risks,

great moments of defeat

and success alike

all much too real,

my soul too tender

to allow

them close enough

to either wound,

or fill me up

with too much pride,

I anesthetized myself

with jaded sarcasm,

cynical perspectives

and aggressive intimidations

fueled by

unrealistic expectations

within a life so privileged

as to be blind

to the misfortune

born to others

or to

those caused to others

by my own selfish means

by which I achieved

almost everything that I desired.

 

Dead friends, dead lovers,

dead family members,

dead spouses

and dead pets alike;

broken promises,

hearts and dreams…

accolades, applause, abuse,

admiration and awards as well,

early on I realized

that if I opened up that door

of emotion…

to feel

for just the briefest

interval of Planck time,

that like Pandora’s Box

once opened,

would make no difference if

left opened wide or closed,

I would never be the same

and so began

my willing exile…

my disconnect from any emotions.

 

It would be easier to put the smoke

back into the cigarette

than to forget

what I had felt and seen

or in some cases,

even where or who I was

when I had been….

whatever it was

that I had been….

Endless rituals.

no matter whether

hero or villan,

felon, friend,

or fiend,

the method of my madness

played out

upon whatever stage

it was that I was going through…

Until the End.

 

Another ten thousand days and nights ago

(yet at the very same time)

I started down another path

that would lead me to

what was called

The Bodhisattva Way.

When what had seemed

to be parallel lines

did finally cross,

both Joy and Sorrow

Desire and Disappointment,

Lust and Despair

were everywhere,

no matter where I looked.

Devoid of blinders, filters, masks or muzzles,

the brilliance of the simplest of pleasures,

joys, or indulgences

were as blindingly, brilliantly intense

as new vision

to one who has never seen.

Ignorance, greed, and hatred

once taken for granted

as “part of doing business”

now made me gasp

as if to take my breath away.

Vices that had once been

my stock and trade

were now reviled

and regretted

when recognized in others…

as tears of shame

fall to the earth,

that bleeds

with every step I take.

 

I had lived in the camp of the enemy

and learned his methods,

but could no longer make

his ways as mine.

 

There was a time when

no matter how much I got,

nothing was ever good enough…

Now almost nothing

is plenty.

 

No longer fettered and blinded by privilege

or jaded by remorseless greed

and narcissistic self-indulgence,

the simplest of kindnesses or joys

now give me pause, as if to choke

as I am overcome

by pure and simple Compassion,

Lovingkindness

and Empathy,

once overlooked,

now the most precious

of experiences,

as Love is on the lips

of every blade of grass

that sings

to the Song of the Wind

as it blows through the trees

drowning out the voices

of all the teachers,

Bodhisattvas and Buddhas alike.

 

Tears of Joy,

Tears of Sorrow…

Are they different

or

are they the same?

 

In the ever-present

never-present,

present moment,

we ride the three-hundred

mile an hour train,

where only your mind is moving

and before thoughts,

before words,

you already know.

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

Friday, the Thirteenth

of October, 2017

 

 

(# 3)

Just One Thought

Just One Thought

Can spoil a lifetime

of Present Moments;

One Mind,

One Thought,

One Moment

Can drown out

All the voices

of all the

Bodhisattvas,

बोधिसत्त्व

All of the

Patriarch’s,

पत्रिअर्च्ह्स्

and

All the Buddhas.

Bउद्धस्

 

It can obfuscate

all Wisdom

all Instinct

both felt and known

(rather than

postulated,

elucidated,

and pronounced)

within

a mind obsessed

with

narrations,

utterances,

labels,

and schemes

designed to seduce

your attentions

away

from

what is obvious

only

to those

who possess

Mu-Shin

unclouded by

Duality,

Fear,

or

Suffering.

 

One Thought

destroys

the Present Moment,

which neither leaves

nor arrives;

in so doing

it destroys

everything.

 

One thought,

conspicuous in its absence,

and

obvious

in its utterance;

creating something

out of nothing

when Nothing was

all that was needed

in the absence

of

a Witness

silently observing

a witness…

bearing witness to

the truths

that cannot be spoken

or comprehended

by the mind.

 

One Thought

Within

One Mind

for One

Moment 

is

all it takes

to create

All

the suffering

in all the World

in the

Here and Now

which is

all there is,

ever has been,

or will be

…forever….

 

Namaste

नमस्ते

(I bow to the divine within you.)

Chazz Vincent

02/04/2017

 

 

(# 4)

11/11

 

You have seen me many times before…

before there ever was a You and Me,

born on wings of love

like a night bird

flying low and fast;

a bird of prey,

a flash of light

on the horizon

or peeking around

into the corner of your eye.

 

I was with you

when you first kissed

that all too familiar stranger

so long ago, so far away…

dusk creeping in

as sunlight tiptoed out

through an open window,

sweat beaded on your upper lip;

a second-floor room

in Cape May,

back when you thought

me dangerous…

or at the Chrysanthemum

in Key West

on our seventy-two hour

honeymoon

where we recruited

our willing hostages.

 

Who am I?

I am I

I am You

I am We

I am everywhere

I am nothing

I am nowhere in particular

but Here and Now.

I will still be there

long after there is any You and Me

just as I am here right now.

في مكان حيث أن الكلمات لا معنى لها

(In a place where words have no meaning,)

 

All things return unto the One,

And when the One

at last returns to Zero

there will be no more suffering,

with no one left

to mourn

our passing.

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

November 11th, 2017

 

 

(# 5)

Sayonara Tsukimono Suji No Kimi…. さようなら私の最愛の白い魔女

 

No more “I love you”…?

No more bickering.

No more ultimatums.

No more angry words.

No more expectations.

No more disappointments.

 

The look in your eyes

betrays what you cannot

bring yourself

to say…

to pull the trigger

and end the suffering

between us,

yet you’ll never respect me

unless I do

what you cannot.

 

Its one thing to love

yet quite another to be in love.

As deeply as I am wounded,

I thank you for that.

I was born

to write torch songs

and you shall be my

most cherished inspiration.

 

That’s why they call it a

CRUSH…

When you meet,

it takes your breath

away,

the same as it does

when it’s over.

Nothing else

makes me feel more alive,

or more aware…

from the first anticipation

to the last anguish

of the horse latitudes

and doldrums

that slowly

led us here.

After all,

what good is all this loneliness

without the angst of solitude?

 

Nothing awakens

our survival instincts

like the feel

of

Death’s hot breath

upon our necks

and nothing

spawns entropy, decay and oblivion

like the stench

of complacency.

 

With nowhere else to go

for either of us,

the prison we have built

of our disillusionment

is

as real as our inability

to walk away.

With no where else to go,

our love

has turned into an ocean

of poisonous disappointment

in which we drown

each day.

 

I feel compassion for

your anger,

resentments,

and sorrow,

but I can no longer

join you in them.

 

When one door closes,

another opens,

which is how it will stay…

I’ll even leave the light on…

if it is meant to be

you will thank me

for that

one day.

 

No more “I love you’s?”

Hardly…

I will love and keep you

in my heart forever,

but I refuse to always be the first one

to say the words…

It’s just too much

like shouting

down a well.

 

So kiss me goodbye.

Just pretend

I’m not here…

someone

that you don’t love at all

so you won’t have to resent

that we are both still here.

 

We have learned

to treat strangers and pets

with more kindness

than we allow each other

and it is our shared expectations

unfulfilled

that has brought about

this despair in ourselves,

who are the only ones

whom we can blame

now that I

can no longer

bring myself

to sing the songs

that only make me cry….

Sayonara Tsukimono Suji No kimi….

さようなら私の最愛の白い魔女

(Goodbye My Beloved White Witch)

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

09/18/2016

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: A Convergence of Many Things, Pt II Chapter Nineteen

Posted in Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Mature Theme, Much Too Good For Children, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on September 22, 2017 by dreamlanddancing

Most of the rest of the late afternoon was relatively uneventful; bathing, eating and drinking occupied most of their attention before getting ready to sleep.

Chiana was not especially surprised that Rebel, Amy and Leigh-Ann did not bother to cover up or clothe afterwards nearly as much as she was surprised to see that Jed did, although it was just to simply wrap a towel around his waist.

She also noticed that Elliott was making a concerted effort to not stare or seem preoccupied by any of it. She thought it was sweet of him to give so much deference to doing everything he could not to arouse any jealousy in her, although the fact that Jed had bothered to cover up was more than a little bit of a disappointment. He was very easy on the eyes, and his well-muscled body sparked no small amount of curiosity about his manhood, now barely covered in a beach towel.

Finally, Chiana and Elliott excused themselves long enough to take a much-needed shower, once their guests were finished. They were both intrigued by the provocative remarks and nudity and they spoke briefly about it as they helped each other wash.

Chiana told Elliott she understood it if he felt curious about what it would be like to be with any of the other three women with whom he had once been so familiar, adding that she had no small amount of curiosity about Jed herself. They knew each other well enough not to be coy about their feelings, and Elliott finally asked her outright if she wanted to fuck Jed, even though he already knew that answer hours ago.

What was important was frank honesty; the balance between full disclosure and kindness might have been difficult for some couples, but they were certainly no strangers to the lifestyle. Minimizing or trivializing their desires and curiosities would only trigger suspicion and insecurity in each other. It had been a very long time since they had gone down this path together, owing to their isolation within the colony, although they had several friends with whom they had discussed testing the waters, who were friends of Chiana’s, and sisters of the Moon.

It had mostly just been idle pillow-talk so far, and they tended to be a bit more guarded and a great deal less impetuous than they had been back before the Apocalypse. It was a small community, and despite the generally broad-minded atmosphere, there would be no place to hide or escape if any misunderstandings arose.

Chiana also knew that Elliott and Jed had been very careful in the past about not jeopardizing their friendship as far as their involvement with the same women. She also knew about both Jed and Elliott’s original unspoken agreement concerning Amy, although it certainly appeared that bridge had already been crossed some time ago.

Elliott explained that they had indulged in quite a few threesomes with casual acquaintances, but also admitted that Amy had been quite special to him, and that had been the reason that Jed had kept her at arm’s length, which suited Elliott well enough at the time.

Before she left and got married, they had both been very close with Leigh-Ann, but had never bedded her together, although in retrospect, he wasn’t really sure why they hadn’t; she was so independent they were both sure that if that had been her desire, it would have happened on her schedule and terms.

He also added that he was prepared to accept Chiana’s attraction for Jed, and encouraged her to talk about her desires.

She finally overcame her trepidation over Elliott’s reaction and asked him outright. “What’s he like in bed? In mean, I know you’ve had the chance to observe him with other women…and I know it’s been a long time, but you know what I like…and maybe it’s just idle curiosity, but is he really good…what’s he like?”

“Well, at least back then, he was like a stallion. Very energetic, but sensitive and tender. There was certainly at least a little competitiveness between us when we were just partying. All the other women worshipped the ground he walked upon, but I never understood why Patty was such a domineering bitch to him. Sometimes I wasn’t really sure if she really even loved him at all. And he would have done anything for her, just to please her…”

“OK, but you know what I am going to ask: what’s his cock like? Is it bigger than yours? Would that bother you? I mean, we picked up a few hostages years ago…like that dancer from the Copa…what was his name? Christ! He was fucking huge, and that didn’t seem to bother you then, in fact I really think it turned you on didn’t it?

“One question at a time, OK? Elliott laughed as he added “Yes, watching Steve fuck your brains out for over two hours was probably one of the most erotic things I’ve ever witnessed first-hand, and I have to admit I was amazed to watch you deep-throat him. I also knew that there have been quite a few extraordinarily well-endowed men in your life before I met you, and yes, it was a turn-on.”

As Elliott spoke, Chiana noticed that he seemed to be getting aroused by the conversation.

“As far as Jed is concerned, he is maybe an inch or two longer than me, but not nearly as thick, although you should know that he is uncircumcised…I know that has been a turn-off for you in the past, but at the risk of sounding a bit gay, I have to say he has a truly beautiful cock.”

“Why? Did you two ever…you know, maybe it was late and you were both high, and well, one thing led to another…just out of curiosity?” Chiana asked rather playfully.

“God no! Jed is one hundred per cent hetero, at least as far as I know…although if he had tried have his way with me back then, if we had been high and no one else was around, I doubt I would have even tried to stop him, so believe me, I understand the attraction, even though I never could have let him know.”

“Didn’t you ever stop to think that maybe he felt the same way?” she countered.

“It never once occurred to me, really…I mean. you’ve seen his demeanor, and as long as I have known him, he never gave any indication of any tendencies in that direction, so I would have to say no, or at least, I don’t think so.” Chiana noticed that Elliott seemed slightly uncomfortable by the sudden turn in the dialogue.

“Well, let’s be perfectly honest…I don’t think anyone would ever guess what kind of depravity goes through your mind, at least as far as the same sex goes, right?” There was mischief in Chiana’s eyes as she spoke.

“I can’t help feeling that you are trying to change the subject to deflect to focus away from you….” Elliott seemed slightly uncomfortable, but not really upset by the turn of the conversation.

“Oh no, not at all…and I am sorry I gave you that impression, so let’s be perfectly clear. I would like nothing better than to find out exactly what he is like in bed. I can’t wait to put his cock in my mouth, uncut or not and suck it till he is so hard he can’t wait to fuck me long, deep and repeatedly.” There was playful sincerity in her eyes as she spoke, knowing that the hot talk would not go unappreciated by Elliott.

She quickly added “I’m not trying to be mean, and I asked you first about how you felt about it. I would never do anything to hurt your feelings or jeopardize our love for each other, but I want that man so badly I can hardly contain myself. I get soaking wet every time I think about it, but I want you to be there with me when it happens, if you want, or you can see if Amy and you can still strike up any sparks if she is interested, or Amy and Rebel for that matter, although I’m still not too sure about Leigh-Ann; she’s not an easy read at all.”

Chiana continued “I think it is really sweet that you have been so careful not to do anything to make me feel any jealousy over having three former lovers suddenly show up on our doorstep, but I think this time the glove is on the other hand. We didn’t plan any of this any more than we planned the collapse of the entire Western world.”

“The truth is that we have both been a little stir-crazy; call it cabin fever or whatever you want, but we have not had a lot of options until today. We made the best of a very bad situation, and it led us here, and we have managed to attain a better standard of living than we ever knew before, and I can’t help feeling that this is right.” Chiana smiled slightly a she gave Elliott’s right nipple a slight pinch and a twist.

She added, ”Neither one of us should have to stifle our feelings, or even our impulses. Let’s just see where that leads us. We’ve lost a lot of the spontaneity that we had when we were younger. We can’t reclaim our youth, but we can re-discover our impulses and maybe find a way to enjoy some of the craziness and joy we knew when we were younger and less cautious.” Chiana knew exactly how to reach Elliott when she wanted something.

Elliott nodded in agreement as his previously limp tool began to swell. “OK, so what’s the next step?”

With that, Chiana got on her knees and took Elliott’s cock deep into the back of her throat as she stroked it with both hands until he was hard as a rock.

Quite pleased with herself, Chiana sat back on her haunches and admired the handiwork of her efforts. Elliott was well above average in length, but his girth was a real jaw-dropper because it was as thick as Elliott’s wrist.

“OK, that should give them something to talk about.” she said. “See if you can wrap that towel around yourself and let’s go out and see what happens next.”

“I don’t know about wrapping it around me, but right now I could probably just hang the towel over it.” He chuckled.

As Chiana started to leave, Elliott asked her if she was going to use a towel to cover herself.

“No, I think the ladies’ dress code for tonight is au naturel, but if Jed is going to wear a towel I think you should too…at least for now.”

As Chiana finished drying herself with her towel, she threw it over her shoulder and grabbed Elliott’s hand to go back out into the parlor where their guests were waiting.

I may need this for later,” she said as she winked at him.

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

09/22/2017

 

 

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: “…but wait!…there’s More!

Posted in Liason, Mature Theme, Much Too Good For Children, Novel, Once in a Blue Agave Moon on May 13, 2017 by dreamlanddancing

Chapter Seventeen, Part One

Elliott continued to ponder what Jed had just proposed.

(Chiana):

“That’s a lot to consider, but what you say makes good sense. Based on our own experiences outside the Colony, I have to agree with you as far as what it’s like out there, and you seem to be pretty well connected with the development of the current state of events, which begins to answer the question I raised about why we may need to become involved….”

“But if you will indulge me in no small amount of curiosity…I couldn’t be more pleased to see these new female faces around here…Jed, we understand what you do in your operation, but….”

(Amy):

“I bet you were wondering what we do…right?” Amy’s expression was open and compassionate as she touched Chiana’s forearm and nodded, smiling, as magick sparkled in her eyes..

(Jeanette/Rebel/Rebecca):

“I bet she would…hey Chiana!…wanna watch us perform? We’re not what you would call shy….” Rebecca’s sly grin, followed by a wink might have intimidated some women, but not Chiana.

(Amy):

“Becca!… Come on now…that’s not what she meant, and you know it…don’t be so anxious…I’m sure we’ll get around to that later…(as Amy snickers, which accidentally turns into a tiny snort, a trait of hers that she finds extremely embarrassing, although she manages to transform into a giggle) You’re such a kidder!….”

(Leigh-Ann):

“Lady’s, if I may take over from here, maybe we’ll answer Chiana’s question before sundown; any objections to that?” Leigh-Ann was the most reserved and businesslike of the trio. She had a great sense of humor, but when it came to taking care of business, the nurse/supervisor/mother took over. She was gracious and self-assured, which was a characteristic that had immediately appealed to Chiana, a former nurse herself.

(Chiana):

“Please do.”

(Leigh-Ann):

“You know, I keep telling Jed that he has the easiest part in our whole operation, and every time I think about it, I become more convinced that I’m right, but let’s face it…women have carried the weight of the world since the beginning of time, and that is why we have evolved into the superior version of the human species. I already know that you know that, so I won’t belabor the point…”

“Our trade routes and contacts are a part of the operation that were a product of Jed’s considerable talents, and he gets credit for being the mastermind, and there is no denying his charisma, but he quickly realized that an operation of this magnitude required assistance. Organizational skills are not one of Jed’s strongest assets, and as I recall, neither was Elliott’s, unless he has changed his stripes, right?”

Chiana nodded in agreement as she flashed a knowing look at Elliott.

“Most of the logistics are under my supervision. Inventory, balances and credits, deadlines and schedules get my attention. Even going from a cashless society to a money-less economy still requires records and bookkeeping.” 

“I also take requests if a team member wants a particular piece of gear or some new weapon and make sure it gets translated into a specific  shopping list and assigned to a specific budget.”

“Depending on the merchandise and terrain, Jed usually either drives a military two and a half ton transport truck called a ‘deuce and a half’ or an eighteen-wheeled semi-tractor/trailer combo. Sometimes we take both, in which case Rebel drives one of the vehicles.”

“In either case, we always travel with four motorcycles, and carry the ones not being driven with us, just in case.”

“At least two of the bikes escort the caravan, one in front and one behind. If we have the luxury, a third rider goes on point at least a mile ahead of everybody else. Everyone is wired for radio and video as well.”

“Mordecai either rides shotgun in one of the trucks, in the sidecar, or in the back with the cargo.”

“Usually the lead bike carries a light machine gun like the M4, or a full auto pistol, as well as either a grenade launcher, bazooka, rocket launcher or mortar, plus a chosen sidearm and edged weapon.”

 “The bike following the caravan carries  some form of assault  rifle, a Barrett 50 cal, and a shotgun, plus the usual sidearms and edged weapons.”

“The deuce and a half, the airboats and 4X4 trucks are all mounted with a twin-mount, semi-synchronized pair of bull- barreled M249’s with box-fed belt ammo that uses either a game-boy joy stick or a heads-up display from a helicopter helmet to control aim and fire.”

“On the roof of the semi, we mounted an M2A1 50 cal. heavy machine gun called the ‘Ma Deuce’ , that utilizes similar electronic control as well as a variable nine-power video scope. It has a lethal range of four miles, which if necessary, could keep hostiles completely out of the range of their weapons.”

“We also use night vision helmets and remote cameras whenever the occasion arrises.”

(Jed):

“You won’t believe what you can barter out there, as long as you have what they want. The weapons, the vehicles, the gear, not to mention the food, drinks, and miscellaneous entertainment expenses are all acquired through this business of trading that I do.”

“When it comes to work, most people would say something like ‘I’m not here to have a good time, or make fiends’…but as a matter of fact, well…that’s the only reason I can think of to go to work in the first place, so I make sure that every one of us wants for nothing…until the shit hits the fan, and then we don’t stop’ ’til its over and the fat lady has already done an encore.”

“Plus, there are many places where we bring together all sorts of suppliers, purveyors and merchants to one place at the same time for a trade show that accomplishes two things: first, we get all the vendors and brokers of the Apocalypse together in one place, so that we can trade, and share information.”

“It also gives the locals a glimpse of the closest thing they will ever get to one mother of a monster truck show. To them, it is fantasy entertainment, so we have become celebrities. We also deal in commodities they may want to trade for something we need.”

“Every once in a while, some douche-bag tough guy thinks he can rob us, rip us off, or kill us and just walk away from it with impunity who ends up forcing us to show our real muscle, including a tightly organized  plan with contingencies for every imaginable scenario that might threaten us.”

(Amy):

“We rehearse the routines just like kata in karate. I named it the ‘Ballet of Death’ . It’s really a thing of great beauty…except for whoever sets it in motion, in which case, it’s pretty much their ass. Even then, we try to give them a good show, because it will be the last thing they ever see.”

(Jed):

“Everyone covers everybody else’s back. It’s been an extreme form of overkill most of the time…in fact, all of the time so far, but we have a reputation to maintain, and a clearly overwhelming superiority of force helps keep things peaceful.”

 

Chazz Vincent

05/13/2017

 

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: All Things Return to the One

Posted in Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Liason Between Parties, Mature Theme, Much Too Good For Children, Once in a Blue Agave Moon on March 31, 2017 by dreamlanddancing

Chapter Thirteen, Part Four

Rebecca was the real wild card of the trio. She was unknown to Jed, Elliott, or either Amy or Leigh-Anne back when they all knew each other, and at first, Elliott was unnerved by her sudden reappearance. He could think of no obvious explanation as to her connection to them and her presence within the group initially seemed contrived, until he finally put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Most everyone who knew her well called her “Rebel”, but her real name (or at least one of them) was Jeanette Rogers.

Although she and Amy shared the same surname, they could not have possibly been less likely to be related. She had used almost a dozen different aliases over the years, (including her screen name) but she had confided to Elliott that Rogers was her genuine birth name.

She grew up dirt-poor in rural Virginia and had almost no formal education, but loved to read just about anything that caught her surprisingly wide range of interests, although she refused to lose her trademark Southern drawl or her country pride and roots.

Elliott had befriended her at a time when no one else would; when he had no idea that she was in fact slightly rich and formerly famous. She was even more mystified that he made no effort to try to fuck her.

Unfortunately everyone else in her life at that time wanted something from her and drugs, sex and money seemed to be the only way she knew to get people to take her seriously or pay attention to her.

Not that he didn’t want to; he just was in no hurry and at least initially didn’t think he should take advantage of her misfortune and vulnerability.

Besides, he could sense her cynicism and suspicion and knew well enough that that if he didn’t live down to her lowest expectations, she would undoubtedly consider it a challenge.

He was right, of course.

Elliott really had no idea about how famous Rebel really had been, until weeks later, while he was at a video rental store that also maintained an “adult” section in the back when he asked the owner if he had ever heard of her.

It turned out that she had developed such a following (including the store owner) that after she left the business, another actress started using her screen name, despite the fact that they bore absolutely no resemblance to each other.

It turned that she had not only been featured in over two dozen films in which she had starred, but she had also done many appearances with most of the biggest names (and cocks) in the business.

If you cross-referenced her screen name during the time that she was using it, she came up in over one hundred titles.

She later told Elliott that she considered him one of the few real friends she had and the only one whom she trusted.

She had made and lost quite a fortune and reputation in the Adult Film Industry before she walked out on all of it. Ironically, it was Rebel who was the most modest about anyone seeing her nude body, although she was rightly proud of the beautiful single-needle Cholo-style monochrome Tree of Life tattoo that covered her entire back.

Unfortunately, she had undergone one too many breast augmentation procedures, and the surgeries had resulted in irregularities of the surface of her skin that were not as unattractive as she thought they were, but considering she was used to being adored…more accurately, she got paid just to pretend that she so desperately needed to be adored, when in fact, what she did need was recognition, validation, support and encouragement.

Now she airbrushed original artwork on custom motorcycles, had her own tattoo parlor in Fort Lauderdale and raised champion pit bull dogs that provided her more than enough money to be able to live off of after she had wisely invested in a home that was paid for while working as a Porn Star.

All of this, was of course before the Armageddon Virus destroyed the World Banking System.

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: All Things Return to the One

Posted in Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Mature Theme, Much Too Good For Children, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on March 31, 2017 by dreamlanddancing

 

Chapter Thirteen, part one

Our perception of Time, as invented by the Mind, completely distorts how we regard our world, and these inventions of our minds have enslaved us to both Regret and its corollary, Fear, but without  getting lost in the explanation, consider how pliant and variable it would have seemed in this situation.

While waiting in anticipation for the arrival of Jedidiah and his companions, Time seemed to be almost at a standstill, and yet if he had the luxury of a week to prepare himself he could not have possibly anticipated what he would see or the results of their arrival.

Einstein had correctly postulated that both Time and Space are curved, and the effects of Gravity and Velocity further distort what the Mind has led us to believe is fixed and constant, but that is a matter for another time and place if you will pardon the expression; it is mentioned here only as a prelude.

Twenty years is in most cases, is more or less one quarter of a human lifetime, barring the effects of stress, trauma, toxins, proper nutrition and maintenance, (or the lack thereof), yet it seems to pass in the twinkling of an eye.

Yet in terms of the evolution of Life on this planet, Man’s entire sentient existence of approximately fifty thousand years is minuscule, compared to the one hundred and seventy-five million years that dinosaurs ruled the earth, which is further dwarfed by the geological age of the Earth, which is much shorter than the age of Mars, or Jupiter, etc…by Ahhh! how I do digress….

They rode up on four very large, fully customized motorcycles and one sidecar with a dog in it.

The sound was deafening; with scavenger exhausts and no mufflers, by the time they finally shut down their engines the silence seemed to scream in protest.

As they got off their bikes, they all just stood there for more than a minute, as they surveyed each other. It really had been a long time, but as they stood there assessing each other, looking for the glimmers of recognition of each other, they all began to grin, shake their heads, and began to laugh before they rushed in on each other in an impromptu group hug.

They took turns hugging and kissing each other, laughing until they thought they would cry.

There was something about the way each of them looked to each other, having carried around a mental snapshot of each other that was twenty years old, what they now saw seemed to tell a story about each of them, crow’s feet, character lines, a few grey hairs and all.

Amy was the first to speak.

“Well, boss, you always said we would meet up again someday, and frankly, I thought you were full of shit, but by God, here we are again, and I’m damn glad you were right….”

Leigh-Anne broke in. “All it took was a complete melt-down of the entire world’s culture and infrastructure to do it…tell the truth, did you have anything to do with it, just to get us back in touch?”

Jed suddenly blurted out “Well, if I had known that was all it took, I probably would have done it myself.”

Rebel finally got off her bike and unleashed her dog in time to say “So what’s up, Doc?” She had accidentally given him the nickname “Doc” one day when they were getting very high together after he had finished a night shift in the ER.

She just blurted it out before she thought about Buggs Bunny’s signature phrase, and they had suddenly broken into hysterical laughter at the incongruity of it, which probably was not as funny as it seemed at the time, but the intravenous Demerol made it seem funny as fuck, and she decided right then and there that “Doc” would be her nickname for him because she hated the name Elliott and told him that the first time she met him.

Not to be outdone, whenever she called him Doc, he called her Lola, after Bugs Bunny’s girlfriend. Everybody else thought it was a reference to the Kink’s song by the same title, except him and her.

And yes, you really did have to be there to appreciate it…but that was the beauty of it…they both were there at the time, and it was  moment that transcended attempts to explain or re-create it later, but like a secret handshake or a password spoken between covert agents, that moment was their’s and their’s alone.

Amy was a little bit gaunt, and very tan. She had quite large, pendulous breasts that looked that much more impressive on her slender frame, despite her rather wide and squared shoulders. She looked like she had become something of an exercise queen because her skin was quite taught and her muscles rippled as she moved.

Then Elliot noticed the tattoos that covered most of Amy’s arms, that hinted at the fact that there were probably more elsewhere…and then it hit him like a slap to the face as Rebel walked up and put her arms around Amy’s waist…

That’s the connection! The tattoos! It was obvious that Amy was the link between Rebel and the rest of the group. He also sensed that they were very close friends, which, as he thought about it, made sense.

“Nice ink! Where did you get it done?”

“My shop.” Rebel said as she pulled Amy a little bit closer, and Amy winked at Elliott.

“We got to talking about crazy motherfuckers we had known…”  Rebel continued “…and loved…” interjected Amy “…  “…and guess who’s name came up?” They finished the sentence together, and broke into laughter.

Rebel went on in her slow, seductive drawl that seemed sometimes as if she would never finish her sentences. “We began to realize that we had a lot more in common than just tattoos…and your cock…” “…and Jed…” Amy added.

They were beginning to finish each other’s sentences, like Popeye’s nephews. Elliott realized that it was incredibly erotic just to imagine…they had shared more than a few women together over the years, and Amy sometimes used Elliott as bait to  “turn” a woman that hadn’t realized her bisexual urges…yet.

Amy was the prototype of the “genius waitress”. She spoke at least three languages fluently, held degrees in art history and anthropology, and while she was working on her degree in psychology, she either worked as a bartender or a waitress. She could, and often did just about anything that came her way as long as it paid well enough to let her follow her own star and dance to her own tune.

She originally came from a very affluent upper-middle-class family in North Miami Beach but became the black sheep about the time that she and Elliott fell in love and ran off together.

“My parents are probably turning over in their graves right now.” Amy confided. “…and not just about the tattoos, but then again, I never really wanted to be buried in a Jewish cemetery anyway.”

“Oh yeah…and that quote that I always thought was yours…” Rebel added.

“If I had it to do all over again, I’d do it all over you!” (This time, in unison, as they put their foreheads together and rubbed noses.)

Amy had not lost her gift for theatrics. She knew that Elliott would be unable to resist the two of them. It had been a characteristic defining feature of their relationship most of the time that the were dating or living together.

But Elliott had learned a thing or three over the years….

He was intensely aware of Chiana’s presence as she stood apart from the group, analyzing and assimilating the Gestalt of it. He knew that she would be determined not to be jealous or judgmental if she could help it, but he also knew that ignoring her the minute another woman…let alone two women wiggled their “charms” under his nose like a frog swimming in front of a bass would be monumentally insensitive and stupid, even by his standards.

“Look, Honey…remember Leigh-Anne? She came to visit us shortly after we moved to Lauderhill…Where are my manners? How are you?…I mean, considering the whole world nearly went down the drain two years ago…You look well…how long has it been since the last time the three of us were together?…”

Elliott was not immune to babbling like a fool when he felt awkward or stressed, and Chiana actually felt a little sorry for him, because she knew what he was trying to do because he cared deeply for her; because he was determined not to give her any excuses for feeling jealous or threatened, even though she already knew how hard it would be to not get overwhelmed by Amy and Rebel’s seductively strong tractor beam.

Leigh-Anne was less inclined to engage in theatrics of any kind, and infinitely more subtle in the process. Her strength was in her lack of pretense, and discretion. She had managed to enjoy a deeply passionate relationship with Elliott at times when both of them were (more or less) exclusively involved with other people.

She also recognized the fact that Elliott had matured more than even he realized, and appreciated that he didn’t just let Amy and Rebel steal the show before the curtain even opened, and she was genuinely glad to see that Elliott and Chiana were still together, and still in love.

She liked Chiana and had a feeling that they would probably bond in a way that would not create tension or discord between them. She was a very savvy businesswoman, and recognized that if this business venture was to succeed, they could not afford to let their first five minutes together turn into the “Hey Look at Me Show.”

Leigh-Anne had a mannerism that Elliott had found charming the first time he saw her do it. She would shift her weight from one foot to the other whether she was walking or standing still, and she would lead with her head as she did it, usually grinning and rolling her eyes.

Elliott was convinced she was not aware of it, because it at least appeared to be totally un-self consciously self-conscious.

As she sauntered up to Chiana she winked at her in a way that conveyed her understanding and empathy, almost ignoring Elliott in the process.

“Good to see you again, Chiana. Looks like you managed to figure out how to keep him happy and out of trouble. That’s certainly no easy task, and I’m glad to see that he finally realized that he needed somebody much better than himself to do it. You look well…is he behaving himself?”

 

“Most of the time…he wouldn’t be Elliott if he didn’t push the envelope, and then I would probably get bored if he got too predictable, although we both know that there is not much danger in that happening. I can’t tell you how glad I am to see that you are a part of this…whatever it is….”

“We’ll  talk later, after the children have gone to bed…I will tell you what my take on this is, and you can judge for yourself, but between Jed and Elliott’s talents and resources, I think that we can make this work.”

“I’ve never met Jed….”

“Well we need to correct that immediately! Jedidiah! Come over here and meet the only woman that could put up with the likes of Elliott for all these years.”

 

Chazz Vincent

03/30/2017

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: Daisy-Chain Ouroboros

Posted in Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Mature Theme, Much Too Good For Children, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on March 29, 2017 by dreamlanddancing

Chapter Twelve

Each of the riders had different reasons for both craving and dreading this meeting.

Each had their own histories, much of which was muddled up in the midst of each other’s early stories…and make no mistake, there had been a certain degree of competitiveness between them as well, and yet they had remained friends.

Not “best friends forever”, at least not yet, although there was a time when they thought they would be; they just came and went as they  pleased, but they always came back…for awhile….

No real hard feelings…wild desires, lots of regrets, and some equally heart-warming and heart-breaking memories, but overall it seemed that destiny was busy proving that they belonged together again.

But the question remained as to why?….

One of the things that they all had shared was an appreciation for the beauty of tragedy in its most poignant aspects. They knew all too well that everything comes and goes according to its nature and season, and had witnessed it in each other’s lives as well as their own.

If ever there were three self-proclaimed “Alpha-Bitches” capable of maintaining their own integrity who could also co-operate and work as a team, it was Amy, Leigh-Ann, and Rebecca.

Jed and Elliott already knew that neither of them could imagine the other one betraying their friendship, despite the fact that Jed was now (at least probably) sleeping with one (or more) of Elliott’s former lovers.

Elliott was genuinely relieved that it was Jed who had brought them there, because without some sort of male escort, Elliott’s wife Chiana would have been unlikely to welcome them into their home…their world…the only world they knew of that was worth defending and maintaining.

It was also Jed who was the mastermind of this unlikely liaison and Elliott was at a loss to anticipate its explanation.

Elliott and Chiana  were openly polyamorous, and amazingly well-adjusted in terms of their sexuality, but it would be hard for Chiana to not feel at least a little insecure, considering she already knew how significant these people had been in a life he had lived long before they had ever met.

Jed could be intimidating just by his sheer charisma, and like Willie Loman, it seemed like all women wanted to fuck him and men just wanted to shake his hand and be his friend.

Leigh-Anne was the only woman who had slept with both of them “back in the day…”, but she had a way of seeming almost nonchalant about her relationship with either of them; that air of independence that she projected despite the fact that she loved them both made it all seem perfectly natural.

They had managed to keep any competitiveness  out of their friendship… had scrupulously avoided it, but Elliott didn’t even know why they had suddenly decided to arrive en masse at The Colony.

Of course, it wasn’t like they could call ahead for reservations….

Chiana realized that any opportunity for networking with people Elliott felt could be trusted was worth examining and reserved the option to express her displeasure if she got uncomfortable at any point in their meeting.

As they rode, and as he and Chiana waited at The Colony the tension grew higher and higher as each of them could feel the excitement coursing through their veins…it seemed like an eternity for such a short ride, and they were all becoming impatient, if not more than a little bit anxious.

Each of them wondered “…for how long this time?” 

“Maybe our time has come for all of us.”

They had each learned to embrace a certain degree of fatalism, and yet, these women had  liked Jed’s plan, (still unknown to Elliot) despite the fact that it had been so long ago when they had been a real part of each other’s lives.

Because of the most recent turn of events over the last two years, when Jed recruited them, they openly discussed the fact that this was not about romantic love; it is an extremely rare occurrence to abandon romantic love and still have something left after you go your separate ways, but they all had that in common.

When romantic love dies, one experiences the same sort of grieving that is experienced when someone close to you physically dies, but whenever Love comes into the picture, most people seem to have to engage in character assassination until they finally are able to let go, like the fox in the fabled “sour grapes.”

(And in some cases, they would probably prefer that their former Eternal Beloved  had in fact physically died….)

Through experience and acceptance of their present circumstances, they had been able to see Elliott and each other more objectively.

They had watched him suffer as one by one, his other love interests came and went, usually with vindictive and acrimonious results. They also were no strangers to disappointment and disillusionment themselves.

They were relieved to hear that Elliott had finally managed to maintain a stable relationship with anyone, let alone a twenty-year marriage and grown children.

It seemed that Elliott had become a bit more notorious than he realized, and undoubtedly more famous than he would have desired, but when Jed had heard stories about Elliott and the Fourteenth Colony he saw a way to bring them all back together that he hoped would work to everyone’s benefit.

They alone were able to love him as he was and accept who or what he wasn’t, and in so doing they had each allowed a very small crack to open in the door that protected their hearts, and like a bright ray of sunshine bursting into a room kept closed and dark for too long, it just seemed right.

Hope and Faith are what we believe in the absence of empirical evidence.

 

Chazz Vincent

03/29/2017

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: The Winds of Change

Posted in Mature Theme, Much Too Good For Children, Novel, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on March 6, 2017 by dreamlanddancing

 

 

 

(Chapter Ten)

It was Samhain, a blood moon, and a blue moon, a predictably rare planetary  coincidence of potentially extraordinary consequence.

They rode into the Colony like the Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

One man, and three women on motorcycles.

The women called him Jed, and he referred to them collectively as “The Three Winds” or sometimes “The Winds”, or simply “The Three.”

His name was Jedidiah, although no one called him that except his mother, a devout Southern Baptist who had given him the name because according to the Bible, the prophet Nathanial had given it to Solomon at birth, meaning “beloved of Jehovah”, but he was as much a friend of the Devil as of God.

There was something about him that made you want to like him almost instantly. He was completely devoid of pretense or bravado and didn’t seem to need to care what anyone else thought of him, although most people regarded him as kind and considerate of others, which he was, whenever possible.

He was tanned and handsome with a beautiful full head of thick wavy brown hair, which he pulled straight back when they rode.

He was lean and muscular; surprisingly so for a man of nearly fifty years of age. Most people guessed him to be in his late thirties.

He was ruggedly handsome in a way people described as “twisted steel and sex appeal.” He had an animal quality to him, like a Florida Panther. Ruthless.

He could be intimidating at times; his demeanor could turn on a dime and spit nine copper pennies back in your face, or just as likely break into a brand grin so wide they showed most of his nearly perfect white teeth.

His steel-blue/sky-blue eyes sparkled with mischief or could turn into cold piercing ice and if he got that “thousand yard stare” that warned that the reflex arc of survival was about to emerge, even God couldn’t help you if he turned that look onto you.

Years ago, he and Elliott had been best friends, but Jed’s fiancée considered Elliot a bad influence and made both of the men so uncomfortable whenever Elliott was around and incessantly nagged Jed if she even found out that Elliot and Jed had gotten together “behind her back” that eventually, it was Elliott that walked away from the friendship shortly after Jed got married.

One day Elliott just didn’t show up for work. Just like that. He moved to another town, found another job, and changed his telephone number.

Back in those days, Elliott had a reputation for not looking back on anything once it was out of his immediate sphere of influence. Not necessarily with any malice, but this time he did it out of his friendship for Jed.

Once, in a moment of candor he had referred to it as a “mercy killing”.

Neither of the two men had known that kind of bond with another man before or since. They were both well enough adjusted heterosexuals that neither felt threatened by how close they were. In a time when almost all men casually called each other “brother” they were truly cut from the same cloth.

By the time that Jed and Patty got divorced, Elliot was long gone and both men were both so consumed with their respective activities of daily living that it just happened that neither of them made any conscious effort to look for the other, although both of them missed each other and fondly remembered their adventures and good-natured mischief in days before responsibilities or consequences had much bearing on either of their lives.

The was no malice or resentments between them, just circumstance.

As overjoyed as both men were to be reunited, Elliott was more than a little unnerved by Jed’s sudden arrival. Five minutes before, he had gotten word  on the radio from one of the perimeter guards that an old friend wanted to see him.

Given the circumstances of the last year, he was understandably suspicious; by his relatively recent memory, all the people he considered to be friends now resided within the Colony.

When Elliott inquired who it was, Jed asked the perimeter guard to let him speak; all he said was: “Hey good buddy…I been drivin’ a load of post holes and sailboat fuel all the way from Magic City on my way to Shakeytown, and I got me a powerful thirst,…and there’s a little lady with me here that wants to know what a horny sailor needs to do around here to get laid…..”

Before Elliott could react, Jed handed the microphone over to one of the women, who simply said: “Hey Boss…it’s been a long time…”

Imagine getting punched in the gut so hard that you could swear you felt the fist bounce off your backbone and doubled you over followed by a swift uppercut that drove you straight up until you were on your tip-toes.

“Jesus!” was all Jed could say before he sat down and shook his head.

Then he laughed until there were tears in his eyes.

“Well let ‘em in!” was all he could say.

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