No more I love you’s…?
No more bickering.
No more ultimatums.
No more angry words.
No more expectations.
No more disappointments.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
The look in your eyes
betrays what you cannot
bring yourself
to say…
to pull the trigger
and end the suffering
between us,
yet you’ll never respect me
unless I do
what you cannot.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Its one thing to love
yet quite another to be in love.
As deeply as I am wounded,
I thank you for that.
I was born
to write torch songs
and you shall be my
most cherished inspiration.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
That’s why they call it a
CRUSH…
When you meet,
it takes your breath
away,
the same as it does
when it’s over.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox
Nothing else
makes me feel more alive,
or more aware…
from the first gasp
of anticipation
to the anguish
of
the death rattle
of the horse latitudes
and doldrums
that slowly
led us here.
After all,
what good is all this loneliness
without the angst of solitude?
It awakens
our survival instincts
like the feel
of
Death’s hot breath
upon our necks
and nothing
spawns entropy, decay and oblivion
like the stench
of complacency.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
With nowhere else to go
for either of us,
this prison we have built
of our disillusionment
is
as real as our inability
to walk away.
With no where else to go,
our love
has turned into an ocean
of poisonous disappointment
in which we drown
each day.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
I feel compassion for
your anger,
resentments,
and sorrow,
but I can no longer
join you in them.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
When one door closes,
another opens,
which is how it will stay…
I’ll even leave the light on…
if it is meant to be
you will thank me
for that
one day.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
No more “I love you’s?”
Hardly…
I will love and keep you
in my heart forever,
but I refuse to always be the first one
to say the words…
It’s just too much
like shouting
down a well.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo
So kiss me goodbye
as I wish you well;
let’s see how we feel
in a week or two
of our
trial divorce,
Our Banishment.
Just pretend
I’m not here…
someone
that you don’t have to love at all
so you won’t have to resent
that we are both still here.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
We have learned
to treat strangers and pets
with more kindness
than we allow each other
and it is our shared expectations
unfulfilled
that has brought about
this despair in ourselves,
who are the only ones
whom we can blame
now that I
can no longer
bring myself
to sing the songs
that only make me cry….
Sayonara Tsukimono Suji No kimi….
さようなら私の最愛の白い魔女
(Goodbye My Beloved White Witch)
Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei,
さよなら ぜつぼう せんせい
(Goodbye Master of Despair)
Namasté
नमस्ते
Chazz Vincent
09/18/2016
(As you can see by the date, I have re-written this so many times that I’ve lost count, and yet…I seem to be unable to post it, lest the true meaning be misunderstood. It is one thing to write torch songs, and quite another to live one; one thing to understand suffering as a source of inspiration, and another to be addicted to it.)
If we hold our tongues just to keep the peace, what we end up with will not be worth keeping.
Because I believe in Love I believe in you. Because I believe in you, I believe in You and Me.
