Archive for the Possibly Dangerous to Everyone Category

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: A Convergence of Many Things; Part X, chapter 27

Posted in Much Too Good For Children, Novel, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Polyamory, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on August 15, 2018 by dreamlanddancing

 

With the arrival of the new morning, Elliott, Chiana, and Jed quietly left the bedroom so as not to awaken either Amy or Rebel. First they returned to the bath and kitchen tailer, and showered together, which was a very sensual, and heightened experience that left all three of them quite stimulated and famished.

Elliott then immediately took over the kitchen to get ready to prepare breakfast for everyone. Chiana and Jed took directions from Elliott regarding the prep work, but they were clearly distracted by their newfound infatuation with each other.

As much as they tried to disguise it, Elliott found himself fascinated by their behaviors together. It would have been easy to become reactive and jealous. He felt very strong emotions, but as he thought about it, he realized that there was a distinct thrill, like driving much too fast at night on deserted roads.

He knew it was all too easy to misinterpret what he would have labeled as jealousy, and in the process become defensive and critical of how either of them behaved while in the throes of this crush.

Their infatuation was unmistakable, and as he observed them, he felt something of a pinch as he watched his wife and best friend doing their very best to disguise their feelings because he still remembered how she used to look at him that same way.

He was also touched by the fact that they clearly did not fear Elliott’s feelings about the way they reacted toward each other, but rather made every effort to show their mutual respect for Elliott, not wanting him to feel pain or insecurity, which they all realized was expecting a  great deal.

For several days before the unannounced arrival of their new houseguests, there had been more than a little tension between Chiana and Elliott.

There comes a time in every relationship where one or the other party becomes aware that they have heard every joke, every tall tale or war story, as well as every opinion that the other is likely to express.

From that moment on, how both of them responded to this awareness will determine whether or not they make it to the next level.

Often, it is at this particular junction, or crossroad that many, if not most relationships fail. We crave experience, especially new experience that challenges our belief systems, or habitual modes of behavior.

Less solid marriages often experience a sort of mutual antagonism, where one or both members resort to nagging criticism, caustic replies and endless bickering.

Chiana and Elliott had weathered more than a few episodes that might have finished their marriage, and had been in and out of love often enough to recognize that like everything else in nature, even romantic love was subject to a waxing and waning like both the moon itself and the seasonal cycles, only on a much longer duration.

And because they had allowed each other the opportunities to explore sexual liaisons as they had presented themselves, and had been swingers long before they ever came to live at the Colony, although they tried to  avoid the pitfalls of jealousy, they both knew that it was better to acknowledge their feelings than to pretend that they did not exist.

Long ago, it had been Elliott who had first broached the subject of Polyamory, and Chiana that had expressed her disdain  for it. Fucking relative strangers was more like a sport than a lifestyle choice, but whenever either of them became aware of deeper emotional feelings expressed by their paramours, Chiana became reactive and jealous, or broke off her contacts with any “outsiders”.

Since coming to the colony, there had been what was more like expeditionary excursions than any real sex. Given that the community was so small, they both agreed to be sure they were both in absolutely perfect agreement before they initiated or encouraged any real frolicking.

They did, however enjoy a great deal of salacious banter and flirtatious behaviors. They figured nothing was written in stone, but caution was advised, due to the interdependence and close proximity of virtually all of the residents in one way or another. 

As much as Jed prided himself in being able to enjoy both the everyday as well as the more exotic pleasures of life, he found himself in awe of how well-supplied and sumptuous Elliott and Chiana’s  larder was. Fresh eggs, butter, and diary, the best bacon Jed had ever eaten, and homemade breads of exquisite quality were immediately produced as they began their preparations.

But it was the coffee and tea that really impressed Jed. The formerly United States of America is so vast, with almost limitless space, as well as variations in climate, soil type, and elevation that self-sufficiency within it’s borders was taken for granted…except for those conditions conducive to the cultivation of either tea or coffee. 

Americans consumed both beverages with absolutely no regard for what it took to procure and import them that it was not until the Armageddon Virus triggered the initial collapse of virtually every space-age culture that it became so apparent. If one were intelligent, resourceful and ruthless enough to survive the initial apocalypse to have enough time to miss the finer things in life that such everyday commodities became so glaringly conspicuous in their absence.

So shortly before the others began to straggle in, as Jed noticed the almost cavalier way in which Chiana had produced the most delicious and aromatically seductive pot of coffee, he remarked that he literally couldn’t remember the last time he had so enjoyed this seemingly perfect beverage.

She acknowledged that they usually cut their coffee with locally produced chicory to extend their stores, but since this was proving to be such an auspicious occasion she couldn’t resist at least making the first pot this morning using their best blend full-strength, (although all three admitted that they relished such favorites as French Market (which was made with chicory).

Elliott explained that he and his eldest son, Alex had been in Miami procuring supplies to stock their lodge out in the Everglades when the first rumblings of the fecal matter hitting the spinning ventilation device, and somehow, they had the presence of mind (and random chance) to be in the right place at the right time (and cash) to get the entire beds of both of their trucks filled with everything from ammunition to brewer’s yeast, as well as more luxurious items such as coffee, for instance.

That first morning, with the three of them alone together, temporarily suspended in the most delicious of present moments, which they knew could only last for so long;…they could feel the portent of such a prelude, although they were all three of them in no hurry to even fantasize about taking wherever they were headed to the next level.

And that morning, as pristine as the sparkling reflections of the sun off the waves of the surf on the ocean on a perfect, clear summer’s day had not yet taken on the trappings of whatever was to follow; regardless of outcome, yet that present moment played on like a series of chromatic approach notes that, instead of reaching their resolution, played on in a panoply of ambiences, seductive turns of ambiguous polytonalities, and resonances that led them further on, regardless of what would have created tension in anyone hypnotized by the ubiquitously conventional mentalities of those more conditioned to only crave the destination, the pay-off, or just The End.

Soon, they would have an audience, once the others began to straggle in, and Heisenberg notwithstanding, it would change the atmosphere, if nothing else.

It had been one hell of a night, between the effects of the Cush, and the whiskey, and Dragon Drops after a long hot day of riding, hot showers, and a great meal, and the others had slept the dreamless dreams of the amoral, as well as the guiltless alike.

After all, it rains on the innocent as well as the guilty, and no one was quite sure where any of them stood within that spectrum, nor did they see any reason to care.

Besides, the burdens of such concepts as fear, guilt, shame, sin, sacred or profane were just the kinds of words that had helped bring about what could have easily become the end of days for all humankind.

Never before, had it been so glaringly apparent that if you open your mouth to speak, already you are wrong. Understanding is not evoked by knowledge so much as The Knowing itself.

Humankind’s addiction to Duality had led to beliefs (rather than ideas) that by their nature, invoked opposition, inviting conflict and suffering on a world-wide basis, where wealth, position, power, and privilege were even more likely to breed dissatisfaction, envy, covetousness, and disappointment to an extent that any of them would have heedlessly thrown it all away for the lust of wanting more, (or despising those who possessed it) enough to kill in the name of their God, even if it was Manna.

Like zombies smelling blood from afar, first Leigh-Anne, followed by Rebel and Amy returned, led by the intoxicating aromas wafting from the same kitchen where the night before they had eaten, drank, and smoked themselves stupid.

“Hey motherfuckers…wassup?” Rebecca drawled as Amy massaged her back.

“Omagod!! I smell real, fresh coffee…you’re kidding me, right?” (Leigh-Anne then added in a stage whisper to Jed) “…Can we pleeeease live here forever?”

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

08/14/2018

Quandary

Posted in Crazy Zen Wisdom, Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Letting Go, Observations of a Recovering Buddhist, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on July 28, 2018 by dreamlanddancing

 

What do you do when you find yourself anesthetizing yourself against the discomfort of daily life?…the Pain of being Human?

It is the mantle we embraced when we traded our Instinct for Reason.

Whether it’s because of an unloving or narcissistic spouse, a job that seems to suck the life from you, disobedient or disrespectful children, indebtedness that threatens to drown you, or even writer’s block, the only person standing between you and your own happiness is you.

I used to work with someone who was constantly complaining about his wife; between alienation of affection, selfishness, and constant, nagging criticism, I often found myself vacillating between feeling pity and annoyance at the endless suffering he endured.

Then suddenly, he missed three days work. When he returned he looked more miserable than ever and later admitted had been drunk the entire time, despondent that his wife had left him.

“I don’t know what to do” he moaned.

“Be grateful” I offered.

“What?! he snapped. “I thought you were my friend…what kind of insensitive prick would say such a thing to anyone in my situation?”

“Let her go” I replied.

“I can’t…I love her too much” were the only words he could mange to choke out before he started to weep again.

As I recalled our previous conversations that inevitably centered around his misery, I found it would have been difficult not to laugh at his last remark, were it not for the compassion I felt for his suffering.

“Then be happy for her, and grateful that she won’t be spending all your money and cuckolding you any more.”

“But she says she’s in love with someone else.”

“Well, at least that would explain her behavior, and why she was such a bitch as she was to you… You should be glad; that also means she won’t be fucking up your next opportunity to be happy for once, and do whatever you want to do.”

“If she’s rally in love with someone else, she will leave you alone…Hell, when a cat gets bored with torturing a mouse, they usually kill it. If she has something new to take her attention away from her love of dominating and torturing you I’d say you got off easy.”

“She says I’ll never find anyone like her again, and I’m afraid she’s right.”

“Don’t be afraid…you should wish she’s right…make her put it in writing,”

“You know, you can be a real insensitive prick when you want to. Have no no feelings for my suffering?”

“What you don’t realize is that I have felt sorry for you for a very, very long time…don’t talk to me about suffering…you have made all your real friends suffer for far too long, watching your misery at the hands of that horrible bitch.”

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but you were the one who taught her to treat you that way.”

“Well, you’re certainly right about that! I don’t want to hear about it…”

“Think about it…as long as she withheld acknowledgement of her satisfaction, she had power over you; so the more of a bitch she was, the harder you tried to please her, all the while ignoring your needs. You need someone who enjoys giving as much as receiving, if in fact you really NEED anybody as much as you did…be glad for your freedom.”

“But I love her too much to let her go.”

“That’s how you taught her to hate you…how can you respect anyone who lets themselves do what she has done to you?…tell me something, do you really love her…would you be willing do anything for her happiness?”

“Yes.”

“Then let her go…in peace, so she doesn’t have any more excuses for hating you for making her feel guilty for being happy. You two could have been friends if you hadn’t made yourself so pathetic.”

Every hungry woman dreams of the whipping post…every slave embraces their collar.

Whether it’s your spouse, your job, your parents, your friends, or even your neighbors, there comes a time when you have to choose to not only recognize, but also accept the reality of your present circumstances.

Most people do not. They may complain, but not usually to anyone who might have the ability to change anything. They may practice some sort of sullen, resentful non-compliance or argue and criticize, but they rarely take action, speak up, or leave.

There is always an excuse that they claim prevents them from doing so, but more accurately, it allows them to continue to wallow in the interlocking series of lies and self-deceptions that constitute the fabric of the eternal suffering that provides them with their identity.

Each of our lives contains an essential enigma; a paradox so central to our being that if we could even recognize it, we might be closer to resolving it.

Suffering is an inevitable quotient of life, but denial and self-deception prevent us from realizing the wisdom needed to find the acceptance and surrender that can lead us to true freedom.  

And that excuse is at the very heart of their problem, which is inevitably unsolvable because of the fact that it has to be, because without it, there would be nothing to prevent them from facing the Great Existential Void.

And whether it’s drugs, or alcohol, or even meditation, they wallow in whatever it is that will prevent them from facing the enigma that lies at the heart of their existence.

It has been with them from the beginning of time, long before their parents’ parents were born; it is what keeps bringing them back.

Lifetime after lifetime.

 

 

 

 

 

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei.

Sukina Bava.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

07/28/2018

 

Once in a Blue Agave Moon; A Convergence of Many Things, Pt. IX, chapter 26

Posted in Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Liason Between Parties, Much Too Good For Children, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on July 28, 2018 by dreamlanddancing

 

“Does anybody else want to address the giant elephant in the room?” Chiana had a feeling that she would be the best person to start the conversation.

“Please do.” said Elliott about the same time that Jed affirmed his support.

“What’s next?” she enquired. “I think we are in agreement about where this is heading, right?” 

They both immediately confirmed her suspicion.

“Well, perhaps the most obvious and pressing question  is whether we want to take it to the next step now. I don’t want Jed to have to be too frustrated, considering his present condition.”

Jed was the first to respond. “As delicious as this feels, believe it or not, I’m enjoying the tension…after all, we’ll only know this state of indeterminacy once…I want you so bad I won’t even try to put it into words, and yet…it’s the not knowing…it’s the anticipation that I started feeling the minute I laid eyes upon you that has me worked up in a way that I haven’t known in a very, very long time.”

“Isn’t that kind of painful? Chiana asked.

“If you mean ‘blue balls’ no… That may be a teenage condition, but it hasn’t affected me in many years.”Jed replied.

“I find it hard to believe that there are too many times you have to wait…that women don’t want to fuck you right away….” she quipped.

“Ahhh…good point, Chiana. When you put it that way, I suppose you’re right” he admitted.

“But this feels very different…and I have a reason for wanting to wait. It’s the ‘Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil’…and Tantric.”

Jed was feeling he needed to explain more.

“The Fruit is the most singularly amazing and powerful experience I have ever known…it makes acid seem pale by comparison, even though it is overall a much more gentle and natural drug, and doesn’t leave you with that shattered feeling that LSD can invoke.”

“And Tantric will just magnify the entire experience. Believe it or not, as much as I desire you right now, ‘The Fruit’ will change the way you see the world forever, and I am absolutely sure that we will all know when the time is right, and in the meantime…the waiting…the anticipation is positively breathtaking.”

“I want us all to take it tomorrow together.”

Jed suddenly realized that he and Chiana had been talking as if Elliott wasn’t even in the room about the same time that Chiana did.

They both suddenly turned their attention to Elliott and blurted out “How do you feel about all this?” at the same instant, which seemed a bit disarming to Elliott, who thought to himself (“Shit! They’re already finishing each other’s sentences! Why don’t I feel threatened?”)

“We seem to be of one mind…I love you both so much that as much as all of this might be most people’s worst nightmare, I feel exhilarated beyond words…I hope I don’t end up regretting all this, but wherever this takes us, our destinies are inescapable. Here we are. Here and now.”

It had been years since Elliott and Chiana had bothered to take the time to practice Tantric Sex. It’s so easy to become lazy and jaded when you are with the same person for so long. It seems like there’s always tomorrow, and you end up taking each other for granted without ever realizing it.

They spent the rest of the night until well after dawn just touching, kissing and caressing each other. 

Suddenly, every moment was supercharged and hung heavy in the air with portent and significance. Every touch, every sight, glance, sound or nuance was filled with an excitement none of them had known before.

All in all, it felt like everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.

At least for now; for this present moment, this was all there was.

Of course, This is all there ever is.

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

07/27/2018

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: A Convergence of Many Things Part VIII

Posted in Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Much Too Good For Children, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Polyamory, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on March 7, 2018 by dreamlanddancing

Chapter 25

Although their kitchen, dining room, pantry and bath was built around their first trailer, which was finally bolstered with a rough-hewn log-cabin exterior, their living quarters were constructed from salvaged freight containers like the ones used on trucks, trains and steamships.

It was not immediately apparent from the outside because they had installed windows and doorways, although they had saved the cut-out portions and made them into shutters and the exterior was covered with wood siding. The doors were similarly made from the cut-outs, and edged with steel. In a minimal amount of time, they could be secured as tight as a bank vault and were at the very least, hurricane-proof.

Similarly, the interiors were paneled and either carpeted or tiled, and the ceilings were constructed from thick foam insulation that simply looked like a textured white ceiling.

Elliott had constructed wooden walkways between all of their buildings and the walkways were covered to provide shelter from either sun or rain.

It is interesting to note that the melaleuca tree was brought to Florida in an effort to dry up the parts of the Everglades that were too wet to grow sugar. Unfortunately, they became an almost uncontrollable invasive species.

Elliott decided to use a very narrow stand of melaleuca to surround their property because it grows so closely and forms such a dense barrier that it provided privacy as well as a wind-break and generally formidable barricade.

It was also useful for keeping the somewhat boggy land around their property dry. It is however a very formidable menace because of its extremely invasive nature, and Elliott quickly learned to keep it confined to only the perimeter of their property.

Fortunately, tonight it also provided them the privacy to walk to the living quarters as naked as jaybirds without being seen by their neighbors.

Not that any of them were especially shy, but it was clearly none of anybody else’s business.

The two containers used for their living space were stacked crossways on top of each other, The bottom container was set up as a very spacious and grand parlor and living room, with a staircase built up to the top container which housed their bedroom.

The bedroom also opened out onto a balcony that ran along the entire side of the upper container, providing a cover for the areas under it.

Their bed was a California King. Sleeping six adults on it was probably unrealistic at best, but Amy and Rebel promptly passed out in each others arms, and Leigh-Ann volunteered to go downstairs to sleep on the couch, leaving Elliott in the same quandary as when she first arrived.

As he stopped to think about it, he realized that, even years ago, when they had been so close, no matter how cheerful or enthusiastic she was, she was strangely aloof about showing her truly genuine feelings. She could be very affectionate, but she kept all her emotional cards very close to her chest.

No matter how much they had loved each other, they never proclaimed to be in love with each other. Then again, they had never quarreled, and never really broke up, although the last time she came back to Florida, she had told him that she wanted to see him one more time, just to confirm that she could be faithful to the man she intended to marry when she returned to Arizona.

She was, at least back then, but for about the last ten years, she and her husband never traveled or vacationed together. She made it no secret, but she did not elaborate beyond that.

He found it strangely flattering, to be her litmus-test for fidelity, but he sometimes wondered if things might have been different if she hadn’t left. Neither of them had wanted her to join the ranks of ex-wives and the animosity they carried, but they both admitted they had thought about it more than once over the years.

But for now at least, it seemed there would be bigger fish to fry.

There was still plenty of room for Chiana to nestle herself between Jed and Elliott.

Although she put her head on Elliott’s shoulder, she rather casually let her hand slid from her hip to Jed’s belly before slowly moving it down to his noticeably rigid cock.

First, just a light touch as she curiously dragged a finger along its length before slowly grasping it, palm down as she sighed deeply enough  for Elliott to notice.

That moment hung in the air as if charged with St. Elmo’s Fire. Elliott turned his head just enough to observe her hand before lightly kissing her on the top of her head. He wanted her to know that she had his understanding, support, and approval.

Jed responded by rolling to his side to face Chiana, but kept his hands to himself. As aroused as he was at that moment, he wanted to be sure he did not overstep any of Elliott’s boundaries, but suspected that at that moment he probably could not have overstepped any of Chiana’s, even if he tried, and he would have been correct in his assumption.

Everyone was enjoying the delicious tension it created.

That was the way it had always been with them, and Elliott knew that whatever he gave, she always returned many times over, but this was going to represent a much greater emotional risk than ever before.

It was time to face his demons; he despised jealousy in any form, most especially in himself. He had loved and trusted Jed like a brother, and clearly understood Chiana’s attraction for him.

This would be his greatest leap of faith ever.

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

03/06/2018

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: A Convergence of Many Things, Part VII, Chapter 24

Posted in Dangerous and Unsavory ideas that are possibly harmful to the weak-mided and overly simplistic and religious, Much Too Good For Children, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Polyamory, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on February 18, 2018 by dreamlanddancing

 

This evening was turning into an increasingly surreal scene. Six adults, all of them nude, with the most provocative histories becoming increasingly intoxicated by way of ethanol and cannabis.

It was a strange mixture of curiosity, friendship, apprehension, attraction, reservations, desires, and nostalgia (from a Greek term meaning “the pain of remembering”).

There was a distinctly playful caution about the evening.

“At the risk of being a buzz-kill, I would like to make a suggestion.” Jed’s words got everyone’s attention to the point where they all looked as if suddenly frozen, like a snapshot, if only for a few seconds. “It has been a long ride to get here, and thanks to your gracious hospitality, we are now clean, exquisitely well-fed, and quite twisted by virtue of not only your now-famous Blue Agave Moon, but also the Dragon Drops, resulting in what is now truly the Perfect Margarita.”

“I’ll drink to that!” quipped Amy, who then promptly passed out.

“Well, I’d say that may have made my next point more concisely and eloquently that I could have hoped” Jed acknowledged.

“But as much as I might wish this night would never end, I have a feeling we will all benefit from a good night’s rest. I don’t think that I would be assuming too much to at least hope that we are all interested in pursuing our new alliance to the next level, so to speak…” Jed paused for just long enough for Chiana to blurt out “And I’ll drink t that!” suddenly realizing she may have sounded a bit too over-anxious, causing her to blush once again, although Elliott smiled, winked knowingly and blew her a kiss.

Experience had taught Elliott that whenever Chiana was given the opportunity to explore her desires, what he got back in return far exceeded his wildest expectations, and considering the odds already being in his favor, he already knew she needed all the encouragement she could get.

But he would have been less than perfectly honest not to admit he did feel a slight twinge at the prospect of facing whatever insecurity he had about the prospect of the already inevitable likelihood of his wife fucking his best friend.

Elliott took a deep breath and savored this poignantly exhilarating emotion he was feeling. It always reminded him of just how dearly he loved Chiana,  and how grateful he was to know her so completely.

“So to continue, I would like to propose that whatever our intentions, we are to let them simmer just long enough to allow us to rest for the remainder of the evening…” as Jed spoke, he was sure to make eye contact with everyone else before turning his gaze to Chiana.

“And I will second that” Elliott volunteered. “I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t continue to enjoy each other’s company, but as you all know, I have always been an advocate of Tantra, and considering how long it’s been for some of us, one more night will  only help enhance the inevitable.”

“Besides, tomorrow is Samhain, a Blue Moon, and a Blood Moon. This is an extremely rare occasion, and very powerful Mojo…Rebecca can back me up on this…as far as Wicca is concerned, it doesn’t get much better than that. As impatient as I sometimes get with Elliott about Tantric enhancing these experiences, he’s right as rain” Chiana turned to Rebel, who was trying to gently wake Amy, as she nodded in agreement.

“So speakin’ of which, where should we head to sleep this one off?” Rebel was probably as drunk as Amy, and Leigh-Ann was already attempting to assist both of them.

“Follow me” Chiana almost purred as she spoke. “Anyone who wants a separate bedroom is welcome to help themselves to the one next to ours, but there is more than enough room for everyone in our bed. We can tease and play for as long as we want ’til we all pass out, but I have a feeling that won’t be too long…” with that, Chiana turned to lead them next door to their lodging; she was almost embarrassed by how provocatively she swayed her hips as she lead the way. She hoped Jed was paying attention.

He was.

 

 

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

02/17/2018

When All Else Fails… (Listen to the voice)

Posted in Crazy Zen Wisdom, Much Too Good For Children, Observations of a Recovering Buddhist on February 17, 2018 by dreamlanddancing

 

I have practiced Zen Buddhism and meditation for over thirty years, but to this day I am quite quick to point out that I am still not a very good Buddhist.

When I was much younger, I used to hear the phrase “practice makes perfect,” but it wasn’t until much later that the more correct concept “perfect practice makes perfect” really sunk in.

My guiding principles have been Compassion, Gratitude, Loving-Kindness, and acceptance of my temporary conditions.

It has not been an easy journey.

Most of the best realizations have come as a result of unhappy circumstances and situations that forced me to reassess the paradigms that got me into those conditions, which is not really that surprising considering the fact that when we are comfortable, we have a tendency to become complacent and lazy.

The last two years have been particularly productive, due to an almost unending series of calamities, mostly involving illness, hospitalizations, and medical misadventures.

Enough of that; it’s not really my point, but rather a lead-in to set up the following paradigm shift.

No matter how diligently we try, if we are unconsciously clinging to something that is blocking our process of spiritual evolution, little progress can be made beyond a certain point.

Harsh circumstances tend to seemingly justify bitterness, self-pity, and negativity, and I was carrying more emotional baggage on that front than I had ever realized.

In retrospect, childhood abuse and trauma may have triggered the emotional predispositions toward depersonalization syndrome, low self-esteem, and my need to seek opportunities for heroism, leading to an eventual backlog of PTSD that has taken me years to only partially overcome.

But as the old saw goes, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

And negativity can completely obfuscate and mislead everything, everywhere you look.

Last week, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items for dinner, including two of the thickest, most beautiful steaks I had ever seen.

I was almost completely preoccupied with the seemingly endless arguments that eventually ensue within my own mind, and did not realize until I was pulling into my own driveway that I must have either left the items in the grocery cart beside my vehicle, or in the checkout lane before I had even left the store.

Now, completely consumed with self-depreciating rage, I raced back to the store, only a mile away, certain that the items would be long gone before I returned.

(I live near what can only be described as a marginal neighborhood at best, and although I had almost no hope of any pleasant outcome, certain that I would be the subject of ridicule from my spouse, since we still needed something to eat, I had to return anyway.)

As I turned into the parking lot, I thought to myself “What the fuck would it take for the Universe to give me a break for once?”

OKOKOK…(I sometimes hear a voice inside my head; that voice has literally saved my life on a number of occasions, so I would be remiss not to credit the source.)

What I heard was this: “Well, what would it take for you to give the Universe a break for once?”

As I was in no mood for enlightenment at that point, I thought “Probably more than I am likely to get any time soon” (or something to that effect).

All the spaces near where I had parked were now occupied, but I stopped to ask a teenage employee who was gathering up the carts left in the lot if she had seen the now seemingly lost items.

She said no, but suggested I go to the front of the store where the other carts are kept.

I noticed a woman leaving the area with three very rowdy, ungovernable young children in a cart going toward the store, and of course immediately suspected her, but since I could not see the other contents of the cart I found myself thinking (only slightly sympathetically) that with a brood like that, she would be better off robbing banks than purloining my steaks.

I decided it would be less than either useless or wise to ask her.

Now in a complete panic of self-pity, I parked in the blue-lined area next to an already occupied handicapped space, left the motor running and ran to the front of the store.

As I ran up, before I could even ask, another teenaged employee who was lining up the carts suddenly turned to me and  said “I’ll bet you’re looking for these” and handed me my groceries.

For the briefest of moments, she basked in the refection of my flabbergasted glow of appreciation, then quickly and cheerfully returned to her work.

Even she seemed to know that she was neither the star nor the recipient of the intended point of this lesson; even the steaks were no longer the center of my attention, (and after all, no matter how perfectly I prepared them, eventually all my best work would be turned to shit).

“All is impermanence.”

But I also got my answer.

The Universe is a two-way street.

 

 

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

02/17/2018

Once in a Blue Agave Moon: A Convergence of Many Things, Part VI, Chapter Twenty Three

Posted in Much Too Good For Children, Novel, Once in a Blue Agave Moon, Polyamory, Possibly Dangerous to Everyone on January 28, 2018 by dreamlanddancing

 

Elliott quickly produced six “perfect margaritas” using the Dragon Drops.

As the four women and two men held their glasses aloft, Jed announced “To better days and happier endings; to old friends and new alliances alike wherever it should lead us from here.”

“I’ll second that.” As Chiana spoke, all eyes turned to her. Perhaps it was her eagerness that everyone detected by the change in the tone of her voice that betrayed the thoughts that she found herself entertaining that caused her to blush so floridly, and as she felt her cheeks warming she became even more embarrassed; as if suddenly everyone else knew the fantasy she had been brewing in her mind while Jed had been speaking.

There comes a time in almost all relationships that one, the other, or both parties come to believe that they’ve already heard every joke, every quote, and every opinion that their significant other has to offer before.

Often, it is because there has been nothing new in either of their lives to provoke original thought, inspiration, or even lurid fantasies. Instead of another year, it is more like three hundred and sixty five of the same days passing without notice or challenge other than having to suppress the desire to change your name, forge a new set of credentials for a career you’ve never attempted before, and move to another state at least five hundred miles from your current location.

(Or maybe that’s just me….)

Both China and Elliott already knew that they were deep within the horse latitudes of their lives, and no matter how much they loved each other, it would take some sort of personal growth (and there is no growth without pain), and the sort of challenge that takes you so far past the limits of what you ever dreamed you were capable that you find yourself facing your deepest secret fears, as well as monstrous amounts of humility to possibly succeed.

In situations like this it is understandably difficult to resist the impulse to judge, or accuse, but the friendship and love that they had developed over the years had enabled their abilities to support each other.

And most importantly, the trust that they had nurtured between them demanded it.

Six adults; four women and two men; one of the men has had the distinct privilege of the most intimate knowledge of all four, but with the exception of one of the women, not recently. The other man has known only three of the women.

All these facts were about to change.

As they continued to drink, they kissed, fondled, and teased each other provocatively.

Amy and Rebecca were enjoying how titillated Elliott was becoming as he watched the women kissing and petting each other before taking turns playfully touching and teasing him. Although both of them had slept with him, it had been more than ten years since he had seen Amy before he ever met Rebel, and another five years before Amy Rogers was to meet Jeanette Rogers (Rebel’s birth name) only to discover that although the only relations that they had in common were purely sexual and emotional, and with Elliott.

Although Leigh-Ann had been playfully aloof with Elliott, Chiana soon discovered that Leigh-Ann seemed to be encouraging her and Jed by flirting and teasing each of them, at first separately and then jointly, yet all the while subtly pushing them together.

Both women had felt a natural affinity for each other just by the nature of their personalities, as well as the fact that they both were nurses.

Chiana did not feel the same way about Amy and Rebel, which could have been awkward, were it not for the fact that they were effectively distracting Elliott sufficiently as to allow her to pursue her growing lust for Jed without guilt or embarrassment.

The only real lack of congruency between her and Elliott had been polyamory. Swinging, or an open relationship was quite natural for both of them, but it was Elliott who had introduced the concept of being open to possibly loving the same people they were fucking.

Chiana had felt a strange, decidedly uneasy stirring within herself almost from the minute she and Jed had met, and it was clear that Jed was similarly affected by Chiana.

The only time she had ever felt that before was when she and Elliott had met.

And for the first time ever, Chiana had to admit that maybe…just maybe…Elliott had been right all along.

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