“Sayonara Tsukimono Suji No Kimi”… さようなら私の最愛の白い魔女 (Goodbye my beloved white witch)

Unclaimed Baggage

 

 

As the object of my affection,

You taught me the meaning

of loneliness

in ways I could never have

learned alone.

 

 

Like unclaimed baggage

in an airport carousel

endlessly going in circles

to nowhere in particular,

without validation or

recognition,

my final destination

unknown,

I await the hand that

never comes to claim me,

until only I remain.

 

 

For all the years

that I‘ve carried your burdens

while hoping you’d recover,

believing that only in completing you

could I ever be complete myself,

you now mistaken

the baggage for the burden.

 

 

“Who is dragging this corpse around?”

I scream.

“What have you done with my goddess again?”

I implore to the echoes

of the deafening silence…

 

 

“Sayonara Tsukimono Suji No Kimi”…

さようなら私の最愛の白い魔女

(Goodbye my beloved white witch)

whispers the wind in my ear.

 

 

As the echoes return

I find the answer.

“Fish swim with the tides

into and out of

the lagoon.”

 

 

Namasté

नमस्ते

Chazz Vincent

04/11/2020

THIS IS A STORY OF UNREQUITED LOVE, SELF-DOUBT, LONELINESS, AND SEEMING DESPAIR, BUT IF YOU READ THE ENDING VERY CAREFULLY, YOU WILL SEE THAT THE ANSWER COMES NOT FROM THE ACTORS, BUT FROM THE TRUTH OF EVERYDAY LIFE.

…THE SAME AS IT EVER WAS….

“Enlightenment is not the Eternal Kiss of True Love”

 

What have You Done with My Goddess?

*****

Dull eyes staring back at me
Misplaced anger
and my own misdirected self-pity…
Who was hiding
in this shell,
this empty house?
…this tired, bitter imposter?
I pray she can forgive me
for not recognizing
the face of my own widow.
A Goddess mourning
the passing of her own Hero,
forever plagued by the ghost of
Yesterday’s Greatest Love.

A minion of years….

Yesterday’s Bitter Ashes,

The sweet honey of Love and Passion

and the mixed emotions

of realized dreams,

great hopes

and

Devastating Regrets.
*****

Come with me.

Take my hand again in Love and Faith.

Remember what was…

never forget….

Let yourself feel the anguish

and acknowledge what we have lost.

Let it inspire us again.

To live each day

as the resurrected idols

of each other’s Idols.

Rekindle the fires…

Breathe life back into each other.

Reanimate The Dream.

*****

Yesterday we found and lost each other,

as well as ourselves….

I remember the joy we felt

the first time I gazed into your eyes

and chose to ignore the foreboding…

knowing my life

would never be the same.

Knowing that our destiny could not be ignored,

Hoping it was all a dream

from which we never would awake.

*****
We are old souls that have lost our way,

our selves,

and each other.

Rediscover today, My Goddess.

Your Hero awaits his Idol.

Take my hand and walk with me

together into tomorrow

and…

Never Forget

Yesterday.

*****

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

You are my goddess yesterday,

today and tomorrow.

Alone, I hear my own heartbeat.

Can you?

It is the knocking

that I pray that you hear

at the door to your soul,

begging to come back inside…

forever wanting to come inside….

Miami’s yesterdays

wash away

my daily preoccupations

like a summer monsoon,

laying bare

the memories

of years gone by.

Sweet memories of what was

and bitter tears of regret

for a million missed opportunities

to have lived better todays back then.

A hurricane of emotions

blowing away the doldrums of horse latitudes of inertia.

Too many todays taken for granted…

Too many yesterdays

of apathy,

complacency

and boredom,

borne of mind-numbing fatigue

spawned from forgotten exhilaration…

that each of the first days

that seemed like they would never end.

Anticipating every day,

just to wake up next to my Goddess

with the realization that our love

was not a dream;

that my Goddess was real,

and she was mine and I was hers.

God and Goddess were alive

and magic was afoot.

T
o
o

M
a
n
y

L
o
s
t

Y
e
a
r
s
.
.
.
.
¿?

This poem was written long ago, before Suki and I rediscovered each
other.
I found this poem after believing it to be forever lost. I should have known better…it was written almost a decade ago in the midst of a reawakening I was experiencing while quartered with my flight crew in Miami Shores at the Marriot Courtyards.
We had been grounded for the last five days first for maintenance, then for weather, when I had this epiphany and it wrecked me completely.
IT was written for Suki. It took a long time for her to take it to heart, but she kept it just the same. There came a time when she experienced a sort of spiritual death and this made her gasp her first new breaths.
Shortly afterward I started writing what was to become Dancing in Dreamland. It took me eight years to write it and another year before she would read the first words of the completed manuscript, and about five days to stop crying after she did.
We have both been breathing a lot better ever since.
It is a call to arms to resuscitate a lost lover in order to resuscitate a lost love.
XO,
Chazz

Guerilla Tracks

My world is filled with ghosts

and demons

of past lives

that were lived only a few years ago.

Every song has a chronology

a timeline

a place in time

the connecting ties

are so thin

they can rarely be seen.

My life has been

an on-going film

for years now.

The last few years

have been pretty crappy

in some ways,

and yet I am always given

to recalling

a high, fine

moment

when I felt so alive

that the other

crashes

and heartbreaks

were inaudible

compared to the crushes

and heartbeats

of any of those

lost years.

***

Every painting

every sculpture,

every film

reminds me not only

of times within this present life

a half a lifetime ago,

but somehow

whisks me away

to foreign lands and

times I can only vaguely recall

given that they were

occurring many years

before I was born.

***

The ancient Ones

are with me now

as I sit alone

when you are gone.

As I stare at the screen

they rush up to the sides of me

sometimes even peeking in

around the corners

of my glasses

or standing quietly

in the shadows

on the periphery

of my vision,

choosing to move only to breathe

just enough to make sure I notice them.

I feel a weightless hand

upon my shoulder,

and we both sigh.

I wonder

“Who is it now?

This time?”

I am not afraid

any longer,

and I can now breathe

while they are in the room.

So many years

I recoiled from

our mutual

recognition…

…afraid.

“Of what?”

I ask myself

only to realize

my worst terror

is from withinside

of me.

***

I gasp within

as I realize

how much

is gone.

A dim engram

tucked deep away

in my psyche.

And I breathe deeply

and I am there.

For a moment.

***

Sleep calls seductively

to me.

For once,

I am ready to embrace the dreams.

THFWS: Sleight of Hand, Sleight of mind: WARNING! ADULT CONTENT/NOT FOR WORKPLACE!!!

Sleight of Hand, Sleight of Mind

(THIS WILL SURELY EARN ME AT LEAST A TIMESHARE FOR WATERFRONT PROPERTY ON THE LAKE OF FIRE)

(Meanwhile, in another part of town….)

(The following entries were recorded by Mark, acting as interpreter for Frederick. Without going into details to be covered at a later point about how it has been accomplished, Mark and Frederick have learned to use sign language as a tool to allow more complex communications between them in a way that does not fight certain limitations of language skills and cognition that hinder both Frederick’s as well as Mark’s abilities to communicate a sentience that passes between them.)

What Frederick has finally convinced Mark of is that Sentience and Intellect essentially operate independently of each other. Sentience is the ability to feel, perceive, and have self-awareness through emotional experiences. Some would define it additionally by adding references to tool-making (which primates already do) and manipulations of complex and abstract thought processes.

It is in fact Man’s presupposition of the validity of certain measurements of certain types of intelligence and language abilities which creates a built-in preoccupation of being linked to any presupposed level of consciousness or awareness that has crippled Man’s abilities to communicate without words.

Mark had begun to document this in a very occult fashion using his laptop as a video camera, but he admits that a great deal of what has been presented is completely subjective and interpretive. What is most intriguing is how Mark maintains that the most complex emotional and intuitive ideas that would appear to present the greatest challenge to verbal or written communication are easily transcended telepathically.

If all this sounds like mouthwash for pigs, suffice it to say at this point, that what has been observed is repeatable, and can be duplicated in ways that use controls and verification to support certain hypotheses. So there, for now, OK?

(Scene opens with long shot of entire Habitat, slowly dolly and zoom into living quarters for Malkira, Lilith, and Frederick. We see and hear the sounds and sights of Malkira and Lilith joyously copulating. Frederick, meanwhile is lying alone in his bed. His eyes are closed. He is on his back, and he is slowly and deliberately masturbating with his right hand as he uses his left to hold a stolen pair of Darcy’s panties to his nose as he delicately drags the material across his face. She and Mark neglected to notice that he had stolen them when they had parked to stop and fuck when they were returning from the Sanctuary.)

Frederick tries to explain his current predicament like this: (Voice over)

 “My relationship with Darcy is complicated, to say the least. Other than my mother, Lilith, she is the only female of interest to me. She is a part of my earliest memories, and those memories are nurturant and loving, but there are none of the conflicts about sexual feelings for Darcy that I would have for Lilith. Even primates have certain social norms that are not easily violated or overlooked. As I have matured, so have my feelings for Darcy. I do not find myself especially attracted to other female chimps or bonobos, and the thought of sex with most of them feels unnatural somehow.”

“I have become aware of the fact that I am almost exclusively fixated on Darcy sexually, and I now know that she and Mark have discussed it openly and frankly. Mark and I have discussed it as well.”

“Chimps are monogamous, at least mostly, and predominately heterosexual, while Bonobos are much freer spirits, with a great deal more acceptable latitudes for behaviors amongst their tribes, but I am a not just a hybrid…I am aware of myself enough to know that there is already something within me that is different from either of my parents.”

“Even though almost all animals can communicate by non-verbal means, including telepathy, I can tell that there are some things neither Malkira nor Lilith understand. I can feel the difference when we communicate that they lack a certain level self-awareness that I do not entirely understand myself, and these differences make me feel even more isolated.”

“Coming from a heterogeneous cultural background that has socially ostracized me from contact with any peers does not help. I have no roadmap by which to guide myself, and feelings are not the kind of things that can be controlled at any rate. ”

“I have no intention of challenging Mark over Darcy, and she has not expressed any sexual interests in me, but I know the most delicious sort of thrill that passes over me when I am around her. All of her scents and musks and perfumes intoxicate me wildly. Her touch makes me shiver sometimes, and I have seen her notice it more than once…and she smiles and winks at me when she becomes aware of my excitement.”

“For now, I am simply so stupid drunk on Love for her that it is enough just to be in the same room with her, and I will do anything she asks cheerfully and immediately, just to please her and be praised by her. She is my ‘Aunt’ but she is also so much more.”

“Mark is somewhere between an Uncle and an older brother to me. I cannot hide my feelings, and they both seem to understand…and for now, I have no choice but to accept that how I feel is beyond all tribal boundaries for everyone involved…I know that, but my sexuality has come to the forefront of late to the point where I am overwhelmed by desire and frustration.”

“Masturbation is my only escape. Yesterday Darcy caught me with her old panties, but it turns out she had been watching me on the video cameras for some time and already knew about the whole thing. She just came in and caught me as I was cumming. She just walked in, came over to me, and stroked my head as she took away the beloved panties, only to replace them with newer, more fragrant ones. She just leaned over and winked at me as she did it, smacked her lips in an audible kiss and walked away.”

“I love her.”

John Collier – Lilith (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Goodbye?…I’ll Leave the light On….

Unfinished Business

Goodbye?…I’ll Leave the light On….

If we should never meet or speak again,

I would not sadly think

of days and nights

unspent together,

but rather fondly reminisce

Who we Were

and what we meant

to each other.

And how we felt

 when souls first touch,

long before our lips or bodies met,

and everything was new and fresh.

We searched for understanding,

acknowledgement, and appreciation,

finding it

in each other’s eyes.

We came together

in Innocence.

We started as friends.

We ended as lovers.

If we must go our separate ways,

Take comfort in what we knew and who we were.

It is yours alone

to keep.

No one can take that from you,

Not even me.

What is this?

What is this?

How is it that simple remembrance

of a particular way

that you smile

or that playful knowing look

that says I love you,

dislodged from my brain by my Mind’s Eye,

still buoys my sinking soul?

And gives me pause

To smile.

It is not my nose that remembers the smell of your hair.

It is me

that recalls the taste of your lips on mine.

To wait all day just to feel your touch

like a spark sometimes,

at others like a glowing ember

to ignite the Life-Fire

within my heart.

Who are You?

Where are you?

From where did you come?

Why did you have to go?

How did we lose our way?

The essence still remains.

It is deep within me

I keep it safe,

awaiting your return.

‘Til then

It rains every day in my heart.

I serve at your pleasure,

awaiting you to discover me

Again.

Here.

Now.

In this moment, as you read this.

Yes, I mean you.

The Talking Monkeys: Merlin has a Few Tricks up his sleeve

The Talking Monkeys: Merlin has a Few Tricks up his sleeve

Merlin sits at his kitchen table, staring at twelve capsules he has just finished filling. Somehow, in Merlin’s kitchen, the four-beam Ohaus scale, as well as the other assorted laboratory glassware and utensils don’t particularly seem out of place. The gallon Ziploc had nearly one kilogram of what Merle had come to refer to as “The Wisdom” or “The Knowledge of Good and Evil. His laboratory test results and a little “sampling” had convinced him it was not only safe, but quite effective. Tonight, he would be testing its effectiveness in achieving the desired effect on Ash, Kali, and himself.

A little over one year ago, he had begun research into a new form of anti-depressant that was supposed to revolutionize Psychotherapy. The idea was to not only raise serum serotonin and norepinephrine levels without overloading the rest of the body (particularly the enteric tract), but to also trigger release of several very interesting polypeptides related to a sort of non-euphoric enthusiasm, spontaneous joy, and an almost childlike renewal of interest in routine activities of daily living.

The most remarkable aspect was that it showed indications of being able to channel critical thinking and problem-solving in a way that encouraged its users to objectively reflect upon self-sabotage, and inconsistencies of behaviors, as well as more effective methods for success in achieving desired goals. With a minimum of counseling and guidance, the patient literally teaches themself as they learn and evolve, and new neuron pathways are established. The psychiatric community long ago abandoned the concept of actually counseling their patients as long as they could continue to write more prescriptions, see more patients, and make more money. This drug could conceivably relegate the psychiatrists to the position of Lifeguard, Referee, or Hall Monitor.

That drug was not what was on Merlin’s kitchen table. Although research was still in the earliest stages concerning the development of PharmaCorp’s hottest prospect, he also discovered an analog isomer of the desired drug that possessed all the above characteristics, but also produced LSD-like visions, and universally triggered an awareness of the presence of a supernatural, or higher being as well as the connectivity of all beings and forms of existence, resulting in a euphoria that lasted long after the administration of the drug.

Similar results from electrical stimulation to the left parietal region of the brain producing a “God Effect” or “God Phenomenon” were transient and short-lived. This showed all the promise of unlocking Enlightenment…maybe permanently. Once Merle recognized the potential importance of this discovery, he discretely produced two kilograms of it, and had the other kilo discretely “put away for safekeeping”. As little as one hundred micrograms could produce threshold effects.

He knew better than to reveal those findings to PharmaCorp, since any sort of visions would be considered undesirable side-effects, and the spiritual awakenings would be similarly ill-received. For instance, the word Euphoria is always listed as an undesirable side effect…why? What is wrong with feeling Good? Even if we have every good reason to feel bad, what good comes from feeling bad?

If there is a happy ending out there somewhere, aren’t we more likely to recognize, experience and appreciate it if we are already feeling good? Why do we let our temporary external circumstances determine not only our mood, but also our image, self-concept, or perception of self-worth to the point where we lose our ability to be able to pursue happiness?

“Too close to schizophrenia for people unable to tell the difference between Madness and Genius.” He mused.

“Look at what happened with Dr. Timothy Leary; he recognized the tremendous potential of LSD, but a few people had bad reactions, (usually because it caused them to recoil in fear when they realized what evil monsters they had lurking inside themselves). Although it was initially intended to be used in conjunction with close supervision and therapy, it was not just too much fun for America’s Puritanical, pleasure-hating society…It had all the earmarks of Beelzebub and Revolution to the fearful eyes of the Powerful….

“The result was that LSD was made illegal, so it could no longer be used for legitimate purposes by trained professionals. That resulted in “bathtub” chemistry, uncontrolled and unknown quality and strength, uncontrolled settings and circumstances, and instead of professional supervision, it now required commission of a felony to manufacture, sell or possess…all in the name of protecting the public from itself….”

The Wisdom was just so much more…all initial indications were that it truly enhanced and enlightened Consciousness, Awareness and Sentience in a way that was powerful. Ash, Kali and Merle had already learned to combine Tantric, Wicca, and Shamanism in a way that was producing tangible results in all their lives.

The Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil had gotten Adam and Eve banished from the Garden…That Fall from Grace had cursed Man to an endless cycle of Desire and Suffering because they lacked the ability to separate the two. The Wisdom might just be able to empower Man to walk with God.

Merle suddenly decided it was time for him to Dress for the occasion….

Coming Late Tonight: The Things I’ve Learned About Women from Lesbians

I promise it will be worth the wait…See you tonight in Dreamland.

Pandora’s Box

Pandora’s Box

We were children when first we opened Pandora’s Box,

Precocious, Curious, Unselfconscious,

and Unsuspecting.

We had already learned

How to fashion

make-believe armor

from Sarcasm and Cynicism

to cover hearts

Too tender

for their own

Good.

I remember the morning you stood outside my window

asking if I could come out and play.

The sunshine lit your smiling face like

Heaven,

and I had a new friend who made me laugh

and long for adventures yet undiscovered.

We found Pandora’s Box down in the basement

One rainy day in January,

but we took it up to the attic

to try to find a way to pry open the lid.

The instant we started

the most amazing, blinding light came pouring out

Like a nuclear blast

Bathing us in cool fire.

We were so excited

and couldn’t wait to discover more.

As we threw open the lid

the room was filled with Angels and Wizards,

Majic and Mischief, Dragons and Drama.

and the Music was from another world,

familiar, but unrecognizable

It mesmerized us both

 until we were hypnotized

in a trace from which we thought there was

no escape

because we sought none,

and Bedknobs and Broomsticks

would never seem the same to us.

When we opened Pandora’s Box

we created such a ruckus

that we were banned from both the basement and the attic

But once that majic had been let out

there was no way to get it all back in.

It just refused to go.

Something there is that does not wish it so

To be confined or limited

or be told NO.

But as much as I miss the box,

I miss our friendship more.

Share The Love Award

SHARE THE LOVE AWARD

 

Anastasia aka http://astraltravler.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/share-the-love-award/ has presented me with this Wonderful Award.

In Accepting this Generous Award, I must complete the following questions and pass this Award on to no more than 11 Blogger’s.

 

1.  Name an enduring sorrow, something that has lasted for over a year.

The loss of communion and favor of my spouse, my Goddess.

2. Best song that captures an enduring sorrow.

Rain Tree in the Garden, or Torch Song

3.  Band with the best lyrics.

Dave Matthews

4.  Band with the best music.

Dream Theater or Jeff Beck

5. How do you relate to nature? I mean do you need it, trees, lakes, seas, mountains etc.

It is a part of me, and I am a part of it. We are One.

6. Appliance you cannot do without.

Air Conditioner and Refrigerator.

7. Have you ever been bullied?  describe it (if you feel ok that is)

Yes. Anyone who works for any major corporation already knows.

8.  Did you ever sleep with someone because that would be easier than telling that person or persons, no?  Describe that…if you feel ok   That would be just about every time…because I hate to say no, and Yes feels so good, and if the question is persons, as in plural, absolutely! I find it very difficult to refuse anyone, as long as there is some kind of attraction, and I love to see the best in people for as long as I can, unless they insist on convincing me otherwise.

9. Is there a painter you like?  Link please…

Peter Paul Rubens http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Paul_Rubens

10.  favourite you tube clip…link please

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQO-aOdJLiw

11.  Most masochistic thing about you…..this is me after all …. describe if you feel ok.

I keep going back to work for someone else…and, oh yeah, sometimes I also like to have my ass spanked (but not at work).

 The Award Goes To The Following Blogger’s

 

1. Alice In Wunderland http://aliceinwunderland41.wordpress.com

2. DominatSoul  http://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/about/

3. The Wistful Sinner http://thewistfulsinner.wordpress.com