THFWS & TTM’s: The Final Chapter?…You be the Judge….

The Final Chapter?…You be the Judge….

(Show extreme close-up of the eye of Raul, the Talking Cuban Tree-Frog. As the camera zooms out he begins his narration for Intergalactic Geographic while clinging to a branch outside the Sanctuary.)

“Despite the end of the siege, the courtroom drama, and the assassination of Frederick, life in the Home for Wayward Souls continues at the same breath-taking pace that has become de rigueur for longer than anybody can seem to remember. And it seems as if they wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Everyone is so closely connected to everyone else within the community that without introducing any of their own drama, there is more than ample mutual stimulation, validation and support which enables its members to exist within a sort of well (or treasury) of souls, springing from the ‘world soul’…the guf…so that each of its members remains self-sustaining, vibrantly alive and purposeful.”

“Because the Chimps and the Bonobos no longer needed to be separated, the interactions between the two tribes were beginning to take on a decidedly personal aspect as numerous romantic relationships were blossoming within the compound.”

“The influences of both Frederick and The Knowledge had been considerable, and there was no real competition for either food or territory. They had become united by way of a common enemy, and learned co-operation by virtue of common cause”

“And just as surely as the smaller female Bonobos found the masculine allure of the larger and more dominant male Chimps quite irresistible, as the saying goes “For every pot, there’s a lid” and there are plenty of females everywhere in this world, as well as several others with an appetite for domination of submissive males, accounting for numerous female Chimps courting the smaller male Bonobos.”

“Of course, there was no guarantee that any of the Chimp/Bonobo matings would result in the genetic mutations that Frederick experienced, including the doubling of the SRGAP2 gene induced by The Knowledge, or Frederick’s genetic DNA resemblance to Millennium Man (Orrorin tugenensis) and Homo habilis, or the eventual resolution of the disparity between the 24 genes of Chimps and Bonobos and the 23 genes of Man.”

“Although the separate 2a and 2b genes of the Pan primates eventually consolidated into the single Human gene 2 configuration (thereby accounting for the apparent “extra” gene of the Pan primates), there was no guarantee that any of the hybrids that were later to be born would be compatible with future Human additions to their gene pool, should they even occur. Indeed, Frederick may have been a genetic anomaly. Similar future mutations might not occur again for an indeterminate length of time.”

“And Evolutionary Time is very unpredictable. A Quantum Leap can occur in one generation, but it may not be self-replicating, and it might take hundreds, even thousands of generations for that leap to take place, and incremental evolution as a result of natural selection and environmental demands is notoriously slow.”

“But of course, the twins might well represent the future “Mitochondrial Adam and Eve” of a new race of sentient, self-aware, and increasingly intelligent Hominid primates capable of mating with either Humans or Chimps and Bonobos, possibly resulting in future pairings between “proto-humans” and “proto-chimps” much as early Man did.”

“Since it would be ill-advised to mate siblings, there would be a necessity that some new genes be introduced. Even if the twins only mated with Chimps and Bonobos, their gene pool will never be the same again.”

“But given the extraordinary beauty of both of them, there was a very good possibility that future human donations would also result, possibly from other members of the inner circle, or even artificial insemination. If so, the next Great Leap Forward would be inevitable.”

“Merle currently possessed enough of the Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil to support a congregation of one hundred thousand for over five hundred years on a very regular basis (…just in case…”), although its existence would remain a closely guarded secret, at least for the time being.”

“Although he had voluntarily resigned from his research consultant’s job with Merrick when he first began his participation in the trial to avoid the immanent dismissal that Mark, Darcy and Charles had experienced allegedly “due to business needs”, if need be, he could work for any other manufacturer he chose, or manufacture it clandestinely on the premises”

“There was no longer any financial necessity that any of them take employment with anyone else. They were not just rich…they had become wealthy…or rather, their non-profit incorporation had amassed so much money that their accountants and attorneys were on full-time retainer just to find ways to spend the money on their chartered pursuits of higher consciousness and polyamory.”

“It was they in fact who were now providing employment to selected individuals who were recruited by invitation only, thereby helping to insure that they remained connected to people of like mind and spirit.” 

“And there was no shortage of work for their selected causes to give everyone an outlet and a connection.” 

“To this end, they were also beginning a screening process to determine the suitability of selected candidates to receive ‘enlightenment’, although they were just as hesitant to obtain their informed consent to take The Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil as they were to administer it without their knowledge.”

“Because of the legal implications, secrecy was an absolute must. They fully anticipated to be infiltrated by the FBI, DEA. or even the CIA and NSA. Although Stan would be immensely valuable in helping spot infiltrators and CI’s, even the remote possibility of a disgruntled parishioner reporting the mere existence of The Knowledge would be disastrous.”

“Indiscriminate administration of the Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil might not result in the spiritual evolution of all of Mankind, given Man’s inestimable capacity to pervert and subvert even the noblest, loftiest and most benign of ideals or goals.”

“The fact that the DOD spent millions of dollars trying to turn the Frisbee into a weapon would be a good example. Also, ‘Knowledge is power’ and power corrupts….”

“Also it is doubtful that any of the present standing governments of the world would desire a self-realized, self-actualized and enlightened population that would be able to see beyond the devious ploys so commonly used to manipulate the general public, except for perhaps the Dutch and some provinces of Canada.”

“They all realized that they stood on the brink of a new existence, and that the likelihood of oppression from an almost endless list of potential enemies would be great unless tremendous discretion was exercised by all parties, even with Stanley Linderman protecting their best interests and continued safety.”

“Merrick Pharmaceuticals, the parent company of PharmaCorp eventually announced that they would no longer be using Chimps or Bonobos for medical research. After extensive isolation and testing for disease or genetic damage, they were retired and donated to The Home for Wayward Souls.”

“Shortly after that, public outrage over the excesses of PharmaCorp’s business practices acting as program administrators for the vast majority of insurers resulted in sweeping legislative reforms designed to prevent them from extorting and victimizing the public by denying claims, unfair regulation and monopolization of trade, providing sub-standard foreign-produced generic versions of medications of questionable therapeutic value, and collusion between PharmaCorp, the Pharmaceutical manufacturers and insurance companies.”

“Huge fines and lawsuits for damages as well as jail time for numerous executives resulted. Simultaneous actions taken by federal, as well as state’s Attorneys General triggered a bloodbath not seen since Mark Anthony first stuck it to Julius Caesar, and once it started, it seemed that the line would never end.”

“Much like the prosecution of organized crime, once one of them rolled over and turned state’s evidence against the company, the domino effect ensured that there would be no place to hide, and even the most top-ranking executives would not be able to pay off their accusers.”

“THFWS as part of their chartered missions began to initiate recognition of Repetitive Thought Injury by the medical and scientific communities, as well as other inhumane practices in the workplace in general and telemarketers in particular.”

“The logic was that if they could get it recognized as an injury, then if insurance companies had to start paying claims, they would pressure the employers to provide working conditions not to be considered as primary causative agents.” 

“Not surprisingly, the effect on the economy was a significant decrease in health-care costs nationwide as major medical insurance administrators followed the lead forcibly set in place for the pharmaceutical industry.”

“Since the huge windfall profits of the administrative companies went largely to executives and stockholders who did little to stimulate the economy except by conspicuous consumption, (which never does much of anything to benefit the general population) they had more disposable income to spend on items that resulted in more jobs in other industries, as well as the perception of an improved quality of life.”

“And since the wages paid by PharmaCorp represented just about the minimum wage that any reasonably literate professional would accept, and as there was no need for massive lay-offs because once the company was forced to operate on an ethical basis, the enrollments dramatically increased along with the public trust, even more agents were needed to act as patient care advocates in customer services.”

“Mark and Darcy took on the daunting task of educating all the primates within the congregation. Since they were all computer-literate on a limited basis, it would also give them ample opportunities to conduct behavioral research on their learning, perception and behavior as well as the developmental advances of Adam and Eve (the unanimous choice for the names of the twins).”

“Because of the necessity of supporting the burgeoning telephone call center related to the television, video and internet interests of THFWS and Kali’s website as well as the recordings of the ArcAngels there were plenty of opportunities at better salaries with better working conditions for ex-pat employees of PharmaCorp’s marketing division, which was eventually closed down in South Florida.”

“Even more surprisingly, a few of the Bonobos agreed to work as telephone operators at the Sanctuary on an entirely voluntary basis for behavioral research but it was understood and agreed that there would be ABSOLUTELY NO TELEMARKETING PRACTICES ALLOWED.”

“So many questions are yet to be answered, and so many situations unresolved, that there can be little doubt that this is far from the end of this saga, but for now, we close this chapter until news of further developments present themselves.”

“Until then, this is Raul, your reporter for Intergalactic Geographic. So long until we meet again.”

THFWS & TTM: The Twins

The Twins

When Darcy’s water broke, everyone but Darcy, Mark, Anastasia, and the midwife got out of the pool, preferring to lend their support and encouragement from the sidelines.

Episiotomies are the most frequently performed unnecessary operation in the United States (depending upon your opinion on circumcision), followed closely by cesarean section because doctors are simply not willing to take the time necessary to properly prepare a woman to birth children in the way that they have done since the beginning of time.

And because time is money, greed is the prime motivator in those decisions followed closely by laziness, a lack of imagination and an unwillingness to embrace a multi-disciplined, holistic mode of therapy.

It is never easy to deliver twins, and they are considered a “high-risk” case at best, but if there are no other complications, midwives will better prepare a woman to deliver just by virtue of the way in which they facilitate the effacement and dilation of the labia, and vulva, thereby rendering a tear-free delivery…in most cases, which was why the Neonatologist was also present…for all the other complications that could possibly arrive.

Cutting to pre-empt tearing is like amputating a limb to prevent a future break that may never occur. The simple fact that the suturing done to stitch the episiotomy frequently results in painful postpartum sex, sometimes for years seems to escape most doctors, who never feel a thing.

Anastasia had met Kat(rima) while they were studying together in nursing school. They became fast friends during some very fast times, but eventually Kat dropped out to study acupuncture and become a midwife. She had also delivered both of Anastasia’s children under water.

Darcy had watched her youngest sister being born at home on the kitchen table because her mother could not afford health care insurance. She had come from a family of commercial fishermen in tidewater Virginia and most of her early life had been spent learning how to “make do” on next to nothing just to survive.

To suddenly be the primary focus for any needs she or her children could ever want for with money no object was to feel gratefully empowered in ways she had never before known.

It takes a very special kind of woman to pull and stretch the surrounding flesh of the vagina sufficiently to accommodate the delivery of a child. If you have ever been privileged to witness a birth with the assistance of a midwife and compare it to any hospital delivery you’ve ever seen you quickly realize  how nurturing and baby-friendly the former is compared to the industrial atmosphere of a hospital delivery.

Many women may tend to feel uncomfortable touching another woman in such an intimate manner as is done by the midwife, but compared to almost all males, they are generally more nurturant and intimate with each other, perhaps by nature, or perhaps because our culture does not embrace homophobia as tenaciously among females as by the generally fearful, self-conscious, strutting, posturing roosters that the males of our species are so often want to make of themselves, especially in their early youth.

Regardless, some women are also programmed for nurturance from a very early age and Kat was one of them. She loved women as much as she did men and she fearlessly and self-consciously embraced an inborn commitment to caring for anyone who deserved her attentions.

And in all fairness, if an OB/GYN doctor were to perform the same procedures in a hospital setting, they would probably be up on charges before they left the parking lot.

Discretion is the lesbian consigliere of Valor.

Meanwhile, most of the Ancient Ones had arrived. The spirits of Lukumi, Los Guerreros, Roti, The Dark Mother (Kali’s almost accidental namesake), Ganesh, and seemingly countless others either sat perched upon the peak of the roof, on the branches of the surrounding trees, or were joining Darcy, Mark, Anastasia and Kat, the midwife in the water, which is one of the most amazing and provocative ways to experience their presence.

Water that contains the usual minerals and electrolytes found in either municipal systems or well water is an excellent conductor of electro-magnetic energy, especially if it contains amniotic fluids, and a number of  the Ancient Ones liked to playfully caress, poke and prod those who can allow themselves to be open to the sensations they impart as they flash back and forth across the pool like dolphins preparing to tail-walk over the water.

As the contractions came closer and closer together and her dilation increased, the cauldrons began to boil and steam and it was at just about that same time when Boop-Oopa-Doop (aka “Betty”) flew in and landed in a Key Lime tree next to the fires beneath the cauldrons.

“What’s up, Toots?” she asked of no one in particular.

Almost in unison, they waved and replied “Boop-Oopa-Doop!” She was widely known throughout the multi-verse, and generally well-liked by all.

As a fellow embezzler of time and space, She was quite adept in arriving precisely when what appeared to be a portent of something spectacular was just about to happen.

The visions that appeared in the cauldrons were similar to those that had foretold of Darcy’s ordained place within the primary group.

It was the image of Darcy surrounded by thousands of primates doing the Bandaloop Dance at sunset. This time, there was a melody that could be heard by everyone, yet recognized by no one, except the primates outside the Sanctuary, and perhaps Darcy, who also began to hum along with it.

The ArchAngels, who were watching and listening to the images and sounds projected and amplified from the cameras quickly incorporated it into their song cycle while the saxophones began to answer and the rest of the band reinforced the melody with harmonizations and counterpoint of their own.

In the area beneath the screens, the Primates had assembled to perform the Bandaloop Dance in unison with the video feed from the cauldrons. They never seemed to need any coaching; it was as if it was something native to their instincts.

As the singing and dancing reached a crescendo, Darcy delivered the first of the twins, a vigorously healthy screaming female, followed in due time by an equally beautiful and perfect male.

There was no video coverage of the delivery, but everyone who witnessed it poolside fell into silence as they each recognized the uniqueness of the twins.

“Unique” is one of the most frequently misused words of the last fifty years, but in this case it was no hyperbole, because in the entire history of the earth, there have never been two children born who possessed the appearance of these two children.

The female was thankfully much less hirsute than the male and absolutely gorgeous to behold, but there was a decidedly simian appearance to her which was not so much apparent until one saw the two of them together, because the male was undoubtedly the offspring of Frederick, who was himself the only one of his kind.

Aside from a slightly exaggerated supra-orbital ridge, somewhat longer than average arm length compared to their overall length and a little more space between the bottom of the nose and the top of the upper lip they looked very much like any other human infant, except for the feet, which were structurally identical to those of the Chimpanzee. This meant that both of the twins had four opposable thumbs each.

This would prove to be the beta upgrade to human feet for these children, who quickly learned to use them like a second pair of hands whenever their shoes were off, which never happened in public, lest  it give away the identity of their father.

But perhaps most importantly, their spines and pelvis, as well as the alignment of their hips were consistent with bi-pedal ambulation. Also, their foramen magnums were located more anteriorly at the bases of the skulls, consistent with a vertical stance directly above the spine.

Given the genetic diversity of the human animal, their appearance was surprisingly human.

The eventual legal decision as to whether or not they be considered Hominid would be prolonged as much as possible for their protection, but eventually, after they are given the opportunity to establish the authenticity of their genetic structure, as young adults it would become their time to be recognized as who they really were.

Since they were not born in a hospital, although their footprints were recorded and notarized by their attorneys, no publicly accessible documents would be filed unless absolutely necessary.

Because the dearth of research, evidence and testimony of Frederick was so well documented, he alone would best serve as the face, the voice, the words and the ideas of a truly self-aware, sentient being demanding his rights to recognition of his ascension to a higher level than was previously judged as at least adequate by the gatekeepers of the most exclusive country club in the animal kingdom called Humanity.

Once his case was won in court, the twins would have their day of recognition and autonomy without outside interference.

It was uncanny however in the way in which their facial expressions were the visage of Frederick’s. Not something one could quite put their finger on to tell of the identify of the father unless you knew Frederick well enough to recognize the similarities.

Although their skin was quite pale, their hair was jet black, but finer than that of the other great apes. Their features looked beautifully exotic…perhaps slightly Asian, or even African or some allele of the North American aboriginals; refined, yet primal, with very large, dark brown eyes. They were strangely beautiful, and once you began to look at them, it was almost impossible to avert your eyes from their soulful faces.

To a casual observer they appeared to be beautiful normal humans in nearly all aspects, but given the transcendent understanding between the members of the group, it was immediately common knowledge as to the paternity of both of them, though no one spoke directly of it that night, because they already knew that everyone else knew.

The remarkable similarity of the genes and chromosomes between Chimpanzees, Gorillas, and Orangutans with human genetic DNA had enabled a union of Frederick’s sperm and two of Darcy’s eggs, despite a long-successful tubal ligation.

Vigorously demanding their evolutionary participation in the replication of their currently unique species, they out swam all the other combined seeds deposited into Darcy’s love canal that evening, just as two eggs had also almost inexplicably made a quantum leap past what was believed to be an impenetrable barrier.

There have been legends and rumors of unions with either male or female human participants and simians throughout the last fifty years or more, but no surviving evidence and great hatred, disgust and violent hostility are often expressed at even the mention of such offspring.

A doctor in Malaysia for instance who allegedly intended to artificially inseminate two female orangutans with human sperm more than forty years ago was murdered, and his laboratory and domestic facilities burned to the ground along with the two female orangutans.

A mere rumor possibly fabricated by poachers that Diane Fossi was copulating with the gorillas whom she was studying likewise may have prompted her murder.

The subject of interspecies erotica is likely to invoke images of Tijuana donkey-shows, women from Amsterdam copulating with huge canines or sheepherders and hillbillies in general. Once the sniggering and fascination over the perceived degradation of the human subjects stops (shortly after the titillation factor wears off), the tendency is to get hautily self-righteous and violent.

As disgusted and revolted as so many claim to be, few can or will avert their eyes once they should witness it.

The book of Leviticus states that if a man shall lay with an animal, that they both shall be killed. It seems unfathomable that the ancient Hebrews believed that somehow the animal was complicit in the commission of the act, but then again, the book of Leviticus is harsh, which may explain why it is such a favorite of Pentecostals and other similarly bloodthirsty and judgmental fundamentalist Christians.

If you stop and think about it, the only true fundamentalist Christians would be the Messianic Jews who were the descendants of either the authors or scribes of the early new testament and the Dead Sea scrolls.

Ironically, it should be noted that some of the most dangerous fundamentalists would be the modern-day ultra right-wing sex-and-pleasure-hating American fundamentalist Christians, who generally want no part whatsoever of Judaism (including the Old Testament) unless it justify self-serving, vindictive, self-righteous wrath, punishment and judgmental retribution. (Muslim Jihadists notwithstanding…keeping in mind that it was the authors of the Crusades who have also sown those seeds.)

The twins were the first scientifically verifiable prototype of this union, and no one intended to make the results known to the general public for the sake of the safety of all parties concerned.

As you may recall, during The Great Eurasian Leap Forward, after Man first diverged from his primal ancestors, the offspring showed a remarkable increase in each successive generation in intellectual capacity due to the doubling of the SRGAP2  gene despite an eventually lowered total brain mass compared to the earlier, larger Neanderthal . Similarly, these children would later prove to be far more advanced than any primate…even Frederick, had ever been.

In the light of the previous events of the day, everyone in attendance was openly grateful for the revelation of the paternity of the children.

No one had suspected, least of all Darcy that it was even within the range of possibility that she was capable of conception in the first place, let alone by way of the world’s one and only Bonanzee.

Everyone in attendance openly displayed tears of joy as Anastasia and Mark helped hold the twins to Darcy’s breasts. She was absolutely radiant, looking for all the world like the proudest mother of all time…the way every mother should.

It was about this time that the visions from  the cauldrons began to change. A face began to appear that looked as if it was painted in smoke. Although initially vague and indistinct, it eventually took on the appearance of Frederick’s face.

Although the synchronization between the lips and the voice that everyone heard was delayed, nonetheless everyone who witnessed it clearly perceived the sound of Frederick’s voice in their heads as clearly as if he was personally whispering the words directly into their ears.

It was later confirmed that whether or not they had taken The Knowledge everyone who heard them verified the words that Frederick imparted to them.

First he repeated his last words spoken to the world at the time of his death. The recordings that were made of the camera feeds showed the video, but no audio was recorded. Fortunately, for posterity he also signed his message as he had before.

To it, he added a final remark. “For those who wished me harm, you have not seen the last of me. I was not born to be so easily dispatched. For those of you who knew and loved me, you too have not seen the last of me, because there is so much more to unfold as our work progresses.”

“Just as Man received a hand-up fifty-thousand years ago, it is now time for Man to lend his hand to his simian cousins to allow the natural evolutionary process to begin again. Who amongst you would deny us that opportunity?”

“Since the time when Man first traded Instinct and Intuition for Reason, he has suffered for it on so many levels that the members of our inner circle have now only really begun to realize.”

“The ancestors of Man can provide him your connection to our mutual primal past, including telepathy…if you can just learn to stop talking and relying on words to express yourselves. You have as much to gain as we do in the symbiosis of our union.”

“Our children will become the beta-version of Mankind. It is time to embrace our next evolutionary quantum leap.”

“Keep me in your hearts so that my spirit may abide there with you all as you raise our children together.”

This was clearly an event that had shocked and surprised a group who had become accustomed to the bizarre and unbelievable in a world where the impossible had become commonplace.

Most religiously oriented persons of any faith would have considered the entire event an abomination, or the work of the Devil, were they to learn of it, but in the hearts and minds of the inner circle of The Home for Wayward Souls, it was a well-received serendipity.

And so it was, that this group who did not believe in a disapproving, punitive, vindictive and jealous God the Creator (either Aravat or Eloah, Elah or Eolith in Hebrew) nonetheless learned to embrace a union with what has been referred to as the Guf, or Treasury of Souls without conflict or contradiction, and who believed in the persistence of the Soul

And it was good…very, VERY GOOD…like, well…(you know the rest)…..

Namaste

A Funny Thing happened to me on the way to my Blog

A Funny Thing happened to me on the way to my Blog
I recently read a comment by one of our fellow bloggers that acknowledged the conflict we often face between our imagined obligations to feed this wood-chipper of words and ideas more material against the demands of our everyday lives.
Ah Duality! All is one, even when we don’t possess the eyes to recognize it.
Without all the stuff that keeps us too busy to write, we would have nothing to inspire us. So for that reason I have tried of late to make better choices about what stuff I allow to make me too busy to write. I’m at least twenty years behind schedule to attempt to do any justice to my life so far.
Too often, we act like teenagers who treat every incursion into the never-ending video gaming, texting reality show of their lives as if it was an interruption of our entitled play time.
Then again, it all depends on why you write….
I had just settled in to try to keep up with the story of my latest novel that is unfolding in my head faster than I can chronicle it when there was a knock at my door….
Unfortunately, it was not Ed McMahon…of course it wasn’t…he’s been dead for some time now. If it had been, that would mean that either I was also dead, or that I was dreaming. ..
Once, during a dream I smoked a joint with Sam Kinison shortly after he died. I suddenly realized the dilemma, and asked him how he was. He said he was fine, considering he had just gotten married again….
Instead it was Captain Mike and he was either trying to tell me about Wahoo hitting Ballyhoo in one hundred and sixty feet of water, or giant bull dolphins (Mahi, not Flipper) hanging out under the weed line six miles off shore.
Sometimes when he mixes the rum and the methadone it becomes very difficult to interpret his rants.
The really exciting/scary part is that in either case, he wants me to go with him. It is exciting because he has a very large fishing boat that he sometimes uses to make a considerable sum of money, which allows him to pay his chosen “first mate” more money than I make in a week to go fishing on my day off. I love to fish.
It is scary because in the twenty-five years I have known him, he has shown absolutely no regard for his own personal safety. He is Captain Ahab, The Ancient Mariner, The Old Man and the Sea, and Captains Bly and Queeg trapped in the body and brain of Gary Busey.
I have known him since he was an EMT-driver for the municipal emergency medical rescue service for which I worked many years ago as a paramedic.
He has the constitution of a cockroach and there are more than a few of us who believe it may be impossible to kill him. He frequently puts himself in predicaments that normal humans would never survive. That is where our friendship started…getting him out of trouble and managing to keep us both alive.
I could fill a whole book of short stories about his predilection for chaos. Maybe someday I will.
I also know that on more than one occasion, upon having participated in one of his hare-brained schemes surviving by margins as thin as half a coat of paint the sheer exhilaration of the experience often provoked me with an almost uncontrollable desire to summons the superhuman strength it would take to strangle the last breath from his body.
It has not been an easy friendship, and now shows no signs of getting any easier.
And yet somewhere, out of his considerable body of quirks, addictions, and proclivities for self-destructive urges there lurks a sort of creature that has never been seen in the light of day that hides inside his brain to prompt him to follow his preternatural ability to find and capture fish of every type and size. Shellfish, crab, and every sort of scaly, finny denizen of the great blue alike are the objects of his desire, and none are immune.
Women love him, fish fear him.
For him, the wind is never too high, or the water too rough. On one occasion, he piloted his craft back to dock with no wheelhouse or bridge left, sitting on a milk crate with the wheel trapped between his knees.
When the wheels of insanity are spinning inside his head he has talked me into participating in far too many adventures that involved multiple felonies and serious risk to life and limb.
We were at our best when we were taking huge risks to rescue patients without much serious regard for our own safety. The county for which we worked eventually made us sign a “hold harmless” form in case we got killed or injured doing any number of things such as going into the water before back-up arrived.
I always believed that when I was doing the right thing, or fighting the good fight, that I was somehow “protected”…maybe even invincible. But the rest of the time we were just a couple of red-ass fools who should have known better, but didn’t act like it.
Mike drove us down Blimp Road one night when we inducted yet another woman into the “Code Three Club” (think of the “Mile High Club” except in an ambulance with lights and sirens). She was a videographer tasked with following an EMS unit for twenty-four hours for a documentary she was going to make.
(I later married that last inductee….)
There are times when I miss those days, but today was not one of them.
I had cranked up the word processor to get rid of some nervous energy I was feeling in anticipation of a visit from a fellow blogger whom I was most anxious to meet. I had no idea what she looked like, but she has the spirit of an angel.
She is still a neophyte; quite full of passion and idealism. She is probably the most unabashedly avid/rabid fan I will ever have the good fortune to encounter, and she has a certain way with words that inspires me at times.
She lived a few hours away, but was surprisingly enthusiastic about taking the drive.
Of course, she is married…I have been lead to believe it is a very open relationship, but as a gentleman I am also inclined to believe it would no doubt be best to keep her identity “on the down low” at least until she chooses to break radio silence of her own volition.
I know of but a few things that exceed Mike’s rapacious appetite to kill fish or risk his life, those being Drugs, alcohol, and intimate contact with the opposite sex.
Suki was as anxious as I to meet the mystery blogger and was in no mood to put up with Captain Mike’s nonsense. He adored Suki and tended to be a bit of a lecherous pest around her no matter how hard he tried to mind his manners.
When he is drunk he reminds me of one of those poodles you just can’t shake off your leg when you go visit your aunt.
We were unsure what to do with Mike. I wasn’t even sure we had enough booze in the house to wait for him to pass out, and I had no intention today of all days to go out to sea in a boat.
This does not happen often, so make careful note of the above statement.
As luck would have it, suddenly Peppermint Patty had come knocking on our door to ask to borrow a pack of cigarettes.
There is a term in the Florida Keys called “Conch Borrowing;” there are a number of interesting aspects to it, but one of the most important is that it does not generally involve the obligation to give the borrowed item back which is just as well because once she borrows a pack, she does not generally come back until enough time has lapsed that she can pretend to have forgotten about the first pack.
As medically non-compliant schizophrenics go, she can be fairly interesting company, depending on how bored you really are…especially if you are interested in seeing any of the adult films in which she starred over twenty years ago….In just the right light, you can almost see the resemblance…and the tattoos are in fact, identical…and she loves to spread her talents amongst her fans.
Captain Mike, for all his flaws and scars has one characteristic that has made him a pussy-magnet, even now. He has the most disarmingly bright ice-blue eyes I have ever seen, and few women are immune to his “School-Boy Heart” charm and his skinny body-language that is half Jimmy Stewart, half Michael Fredericks.
Patty’s eyes met Mike’s. With the morning light behind her as she stood in the doorway of our trailer, you could see right through her dress and it was obvious that she was not wearing anything under it.
Little details like that never went unnoticed by Captain Mike (…and he had plenty of cigarettes).
Patty then asked Suki if she had ever seen her do DP before as she shifted her gaze back and forth between Mike and myself until Suki reminded her that she had (it was a lie, but Patty was much too crazy to realize it).
With that, I gave Mike a bottle of Bacardi Select Rum and suggested they take the party over to Patty’s trailer where they could see the ocean from her bedroom window.
Even Patty knew that was a lie, but she just winked at me and smiled. (She had once told me that if I held my ear to her snatch that I could hear the ocean, but I never tried to find out if it was really true.)
As they strolled arm in arm back to Peppermint Patty’s trailer, I could hear Captain Mike telling her how Jimmy Buffet had written the song “Jamaica Mistaka” about him and how he had once flown a small private plane between two pilings on the Seven-Mile bridge, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before she would be showing Mike the first anal video she ever shot with Ron Jeremy.
We were still laughing about it when my friend the lady blogger drove up. She and Suki had talked several times before on the phone, and it was heartwarming to see just how well two ladies who had never met before could strike up a friendship.
I later learned that they had been “pen-pals” for over a month and I really think Suki was as enthusiastic about meeting Ms. A. as I was.
Suki had already plugged in the vaporizer and now promised to show our new friend her collection of Japanese Pillow-books while I called a nearby restaurant to order Tai take-out.
But the real reason I didn’t get any writing done that day was because of what I discovered when I returned with the food….
As much of a confirmed pervert and connoisseur of (nearly) all things carnal as I am, there is a strong streak of Southern Gentleman that runs deeply through my character that prevents me from going into the details of what ensued that afternoon, that evening and for most of Saturday morning…
Nah! I’m just bullshitting you…They just made me promise to let them tell you about it in their own blogs in the next few days, and I am, if nothing else, a man of my word….
…And that, dear friends is the reason I did not have my homework ready for Monday morning…no, the dog did not eat it…no schedule conflicts with graduation ceremonies or final exams. No car trouble. No issues with the Police. I did not have technical problems with my computer, nor did I suffer from some mysterious malady.
And if anyone else has any excuses for why they have not been writing, I hope your reasons were at least as good…and if you have, please honey! I want to hear all the details.
PS: Look for the rest of the story to appear soon in two blogs I hope you have the good fortune to read in the near future.

This Theater of the Mind

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT

This Theater of the Mind

All the world’s is a stage…(that we’re going through)…and we are all players in this Theater of the Mind….

I was wondering the other day if people ever choose their religions by what sins they would be committing when they do commit them?

I suppose that if a man (or woman) can choose their own poison, they should also be allowed to choose their own punishment….

(Imagine, in my perfect world, a guy goes to confession… he says to the priest “Father, forgive me…I masturbated five times a day last week.”, What should I do as an act of contrition? whereupon the priest says…”Look…here’s One Hundred Dollars…go downtown and pick up a Catholic hooker named Rose Flannigan…you’ll recognize her right away…she’s a ginger with freckles and carrot-top red hair…and take her to dinner, and treat her really nicely before you fuck her…it will do you both a world of good…she needs the money and the validation, and you need to get out more.”)

I mean, virtually any life any of us chooses to live is essentially an acceptance of certain codified rules and laws that determine what a priori assumptions and conditions must be present to support one view of reality, and almost all of it seems to be someone else’s invention…like gown-ups playing children in adult clothes, only with less imagination.

Whether you are a Hell’s Angel or an investment banker, your mode of dress and behaviors are rather rigidly pre-determined if you desire safe passage through the realms of either.

This is what separates cannibal headhunters from family court attorneys, even though on the surface, many of their behaviors are remarkably similar, but ah! I digress….

What concerns me the most is why most Western religions hate sex so much, worship virginity, preach abstinence, and generally eschew Fun? Why are we so quick to condemn behaviors that naturally satisfy our most basic needs and desires?

What would our world be like if there was such a thing as an Episcopal temple prostitute? Why not “Whores of Mensa”?

Who says? Under what authority? Your God, or mine?

Similarly, Kink/Fet, LGBTG, and Polyamorous “Communities” all seem to need rules, guidelines, bi-laws, charters, sanctions, and their own newspapers and magazines, issuing statements, pronouncements and whitepapers to tell people the difference between right and wrong, or appropriate vs. inappropriate for that particular group’s members so that they know how to behave.

I italicized “Communities” because it is odd that although we do so much to separate “Us” from those “Not like Us” economically, racially, and culturally, there is not generally a “Gay Town” or “Swingers Corners”, or even concepts like “The Understated Elegance of Bondage Manors…(a very well-disciplined community)”.

Nudist colonies are the notable exception. It might be nice to live in a gated community that was inhabited only by fellow perverts of a similar stripe, for instance, but then again….

There is a decided lack of diversity in each of the “Alternative Lifestyles” to the point that there is a great deal of bashing of transgender and bisexual individuals within the Gay/Lesbian communities, for instance.

Why learn to think outside one box only to crawl back into another one?

I enjoy the company of just about every type of pervert that exists, but it seems like I end up moving from one circle to another with very little overlap or congruency. Most people seem to need concentricity just to feel validated.

After a few years pursuing any style of living, you start to resemble others of a similar persuasion, whether it be hairstyles, humor, tattoos, scars, or attitude and demeanor, and after a while you can tell who is who even when we’re naked.

I prefer the adventure of experimentation. Why do I have to join your union or wear your flag just to get naked with you? Sometimes I like the top, other times, perhaps the bottom…I love the smell of leather in the evening…whether it’s in my hand, or against my skin…and although I prefer the feather to the actual live chicken, I try to keep my mind, and my options open….

I figure you ought to try anything at least three times, just to make sure you got it right before you make a judgment about it.

Are there any other Eclectic Omnivores out there? What about Sexually Deviant Scientists? Pervert Philosophers? Free-lance reporters for International Pornographic? Or even Dr. Satan’s All-Volunteer Human Meat-Puppet Show? (It’s hilarious!)

How about an Actor’s Guild for the Theater of the Mind? There’s one union to whom I might consider paying dues….

Feel free to ring me up.

Some of the best things I ever learned about women…The Rewrite.

The Things I’ve Learned about Women from Lesbians: A Slight Return.

Several friends have already started to question me as to why I would focus my attention on Lesbian Wisdom. It’s simple…gratitude…and reverence.

Women intrigue me…fascinate me…hypnotize me. If I was a woman, I would definitely be a lesbian…I’m grateful for every one that isn’t, and I admit that I am still largely ignorant of women, no matter how hard I try to understand.

Who knows better how to please a woman than another woman? Once two women allow themselves the opportunity to pleasure each other, their mutual understandings by virtue of their shared values, as well as plumbing, provide vital intuition that men do not possess in and of themselves.

A very close (lesbian) friend once remarked “A woman needs a husband like a fish needs a bicycle.” She is the epitome of a self-realized, self-actualized human being and an attorney who has literally kept me out of jail. All she ever asked in return was that I install a modern high-power stereo system in a classic car she owned. I was grateful for the opportunity to reciprocate her act of kindness to me. What I did not expect was that she also intended for me to have sex with her girlfriend and her.

Having finished the stereo, I returned into the house to find her on the couch with her ladyfriend, kissing, fondling, moaning and generally sexing each other up about as much as one can with one’s clothes still on. Initially, I was struck by a genuine reverence and awe just to be witness to this incredibly sexy and poignant vignette. It was like walking through the woods, only to stumble upon a clearing where the animals of the forest were performing “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”.

As I stood there playing the thunderstruck voyeur, she gestured with her right hand, palm up, first flat, then retracting her fingers in the manner of a Kung-Fu practitioner motioning me to join them. She never took her eyes or attention from her lover. As I approached them, she used that same hand to unzip my fly and unfasten my belt, causing my pants to fall to the floor with never so much as a single glance toward me. If my reverence had caused me to hesitate initially, unbridled lust immediately inspired me to action as I focused my attentions to her lover.

My friend was pretty, petite, and quite fit, but decidedly “butch” and although she had been married for a short period of time when I had known her when we were both faculty members at a local teaching facility, I had never really regarded her in a sexual way any more than I would have another man. Her lover was one of those women frequently referred to as a “Lipstick Lesbian” and I figured she was to be the object of my attentions, just like any Ménage à trois involving two men and a woman.

When my friend suddenly turned to me, gave me a passionate open-mouthed kiss and grabbed my cock, for the briefest period of time (I don’t know what is smaller than a nanosecond) I felt like we were about to engage in a homosexual act together…and I was down with it… Although she was quite adept at being able to think like a man I’m not sure she ever thought of it that way, and being a man, my erection had already precluded any rational thought processes.

We had a wonderful time together. Much later, after her ladyfriend left for parts unknown, she alluded to the events that afternoon, adding “Look, just because I prefer the company of women doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a nice fat, juicy cock every once in a while….”

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that we all need to avail ourselves of useful Allies…I’ve even gone so far as to marry nurses, and do everything in my power to cultivate friendships with women who are wise, resourceful, generous, or can get me into and/or out of a hospital, psychiatric facility, courtroom, or even jail, or better yet, keep me out of them in the first place.

In my perfect world, I would be on the very best of terms with a nurse (or doctor), an attorney, an artist, a musician, a pharmacist, and say, perhaps a financial wizard at all times…chances are, if they are women, at least one of them will also be a lesbian…and once you become recognized as Lesbian-Friendly, your world will open up in ways you didn’t even know existed.

I am less likely to feel threatened or competitive in their company, at least as long as they are not Separatists…men are much less likely to share…especially with each other. As a result, women often know more intimate details about each other in a very short time than men know about their best lifelong friends.

No matter how much difficulty a dominant, top, “butch” woman may have struggling to find her “voice” or demeanor, she will still know what makes a woman tick better than most men…which also means that she knows that the workings of the feminine mind are often unfathomable, sometimes even to the one who is entertaining them.

Men learn to believe they know what women want either by watching porn, swapping bullshit conquest stories, or from mistakenly thinking that just because she let you fuck her means you especially did anything right…more than likely, you just didn’t do anything so wrong that it was a dealbreaker, if she decides she wants sex in the first place.

I don’t consider myself to be an expert on how to get laid. This is not just about sex, for that matter.

I do consider myself to be a great admirer of women. In all of their diversity.

Sometimes, just realizing how little you really understand long enough to stop assuming and start listening, and to stop posturing and start observing is enough to let in just the faintest glimmer of light…of realization…and understanding into our consciousness just long enough to stop trying to win, or control or possess. As hunter-gatherers, it is our nature to try to acquire, to own, or consume.

Don’t misunderstand me on this point however…this is not to be construed as a romanticized glamorization portraying lesbians as being somehow inherently wise or generally superior. I’ve also learned a great deal from watching them fail, or fall back to earth. It’s just such a different perspective.

Solipsism beleaguers both sexes to such an extent that the more any of us try to escape our myopic or Kalnienkic views of each other, the more we realize how little we see, or know at all.

Just because a woman says that she came doesn’t mean she’s finished for the evening…even if you think you are.

Stop trying to think with your cock. And stop thinking your cock is your only sex organ….besides, your brain is bigger, and doesn’t deflate after your first good idea comes to you. Tongues and fingers (even your nose) are only the tip of the rapidly melting iceberg.

Do not allow yourself to be intimidated by a woman’s sex toys, and don’t say things that would disincline her from dragging them out to show them to you. Make friends with them, and try to get her to either let you know how she likes to use them, or encourage her to use them in conjunction with your play, but let her let you use hers…do not bring your own, even if you have them…it just begs too many questions you don’t want to have to answer, and she probably doesn’t want to hear, at least on the first date.

If a woman showed up on my doorstep with a suitcase full of sex toys, I would probably welcome her right in, although I doubt that most women would not be creeped out if the situation was the other way around…but then again, maybe that’s just me….

Accept the inevitable natural sexual superiority of women. It is a fact, and the sooner you learn to embrace it, the better place the world will be for your newfound wisdom. I don’t care who you are or what you think you are…I mean you, too. Anything you can do, she can do twice, either successively, or even simultaneously. So there.

Most men are so badly programmed by other men to believe in their own superiority that everything they embrace reinforces the interlocking series of lies that support their own fantasies, rather than embracing what roles we as men and women can enjoy to each other’s mutual satisfactions.

Your self-imagined mantle of masculinity can quickly become a burdensome yoke of unrealistic imagined responsibilities that you can never fulfill to your own satisfaction, let alone hers. With only a very few exceptions, most men can’t perform the way they are depicted in pornography.

Learn to lighten up and have some fun, and the orgasms will flow like…well the way they often do between lesbians…they are in no hurry, because they already like what they are doing while they are doing it, because for them, everything is foreplay, including the first orgasm….

No man is that well-endowed, instantaneously responsive, long-lasting or infallible as any number of didoes and vibrators that are readily available…and if you don’t have a replaceable battery pack, by definition, you cannot satisfy her as well alone on the best day of your life as you could on your worst day with the assistance of anything that can make her lip tremble, or curl her toes just to think of it…every woman has something…you should be so lucky as to just be there to help her discover it.

Anybody can fuck, but not necessarily well. Few men understand the difference between Sex and Intimacy, and most of them, if told they had to choose between one or the other, would choose Sex, not realizing that the best Sex is a result of real intimacy.

The less any of us try to look for formulaic answers about how to understand each other, the better. No one has the entire view, the ultimate knowledge, or exclusive franchise on wisdom. Individually, each of us brings a different fragment of the Truth, like a shattered mirror that has become our illusion of reality that can be shared and collectively assembled like a jigsaw puzzle.

A little mystery is good…too much mystery is just clueless ignorance.

If you really want to understand Women…stop thinking like a man.

 

 

The Things I’ve Learned about Women from Lesbians: Why?

Several friends have already started to question me as to why I would focus my attention on Lesbian Wisdom. It’s simple…gratitude…and reverence.

Women intrigue me…fascinate me…hypnotize me. If I was a woman, I would definitely be a lesbian…I’m grateful for every one that isn’t, and I admit that I am still largely ignorant of women, no matter how hard I try to understand.

Who knows better how to please a woman than another woman? Once two women allow themselves the opportunity to pleasure each other, their mutual understandings by virtue of their shared values, as well as plumbing, provide vital intuition that men do not possess in and of themselves.

A very close (lesbian) friend once remarked “A woman needs a husband like a fish needs a bicycle.” She is the epitome of a self-realized, self-actualized human being and an attorney who has literally kept me out of jail. All she ever asked in return was that I install a modern high-power stereo system in a classic car she owned. I was grateful for the opportunity to reciprocate her act of kindness to me. What I did not expect was that she also intended for me to have sex with her girlfriend and her.

Having finished the stereo, I returned into the house to find her on the couch with her ladyfriend, kissing, fondling, moaning and generally sexing each other up about as much as one can with one’s clothes still on. Initially, I was struck by a genuine reverence and awe just to be witness to this incredibly sexy and poignant vignette. It was like walking through the woods, only to stumble upon a clearing where the animals of the forest were performing “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”.

As I stood there playing the thunderstruck voyeur, she gestured with her right hand, palm up, first flat, then retracting her fingers in the manner of a Kung-Fu practitioner motioning me to join them. She never took her eyes or attention from her lover. As I approached them, she used that same hand to unzip my fly and unfasten my belt, causing my pants to fall to the floor with never so much as a single glance toward me. If my reverence had caused me to hesitate initially, unbridled lust immediately inspired me to action as I focused my attentions to her lover.

My friend was pretty, petite, and quite fit, but decidedly “butch” and although she had been married for a short period of time when I had known her when we were both faculty members at a local teaching facility, I had never really regarded her in a sexual way any more than I would have another man. Her lover was one of those women frequently referred to as a “Lipstick Lesbian” and I figured she was to be the object of my attentions, just like any Ménage à trois involving two men and a women.

When she suddenly turned to me, gave me a passionate open-mouthed kiss and grabbed my cock, for the briefest period of time (I don’t know what is smaller than a nanosecond) I felt like we were about to engage in a homosexual act together. Although she was quite adept at being able to think like a man I’m not sure she ever thought of it that way, and being a man, my erection had already precluded any rational thought processes.

We had a wonderful time together. Much later, after her ladyfriend left for parts unknown, she alluded to the events that afternoon, adding “Just because I prefer women doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a nice fat, juicy cock….”

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that we all need to avail ourselves of useful Allies…I’ve even gone so far as to marry nurses, and do everything in my power to cultivate friendships with women who are wise, resourceful, generous, or can get me into and/or out of a hospital, psychiatric facility, courtroom, or even jail, or better yet, keep me out of them in the first place.

In my perfect world, I would be on the very best of terms with a nurse (or doctor), an attorney, an artist, a musician, a pharmacist, and say, perhaps a financial wizard at all times…chances are, if they are women, at least one of them will also be a lesbian…and once you become recognized as Lesbian-Friendly, your world will open up in ways you didn’t even know existed.

I am less likely to feel threatened or competitive in their company, at least as long as they are not Separatists…men are much less likely to share…especially with each other. As a result, women often know more intimate details about each other in a very short time than men know about their best lifelong friends.

No matter how much difficulty a dominant, top, “butch” woman may have struggling to find her “voice” or demeanor, she will still know what makes a woman tick better than most men…which means that she knows that the workings of the feminine mind are often unfathomable, sometimes even to the one who is entertaining them.

Men learn to believe they know what women want either by watching porn, swapping bullshit conquest stories, or from mistakenly thinking that just because she let you fuck her means you especially did anything right…more than likely, you just didn’t do anything so wrong that it was a dealbreaker, if she decides she wants sex in the first place.

I don’t consider myself to be an expert on how to get laid. This is not just about sex, for that matter.

I do consider myself to be a great admirer of women. In all of their diversity.

Sometimes, just realizing how little you really understand long enough to stop assuming and start listening, and to stop posturing and start observing is enough to let in just the faintest glimmer of light…of realization…and understanding into our consciousness just long enough to stop trying to win, or control or possess. As hunter-gatherers, it is our nature to try to acquire, to own, or consume.

Don’t misunderstand me on this point however…this is not to be construed as a romanticized glamorization portraying lesbians as being somehow inherently wise or superior. I also learned a great deal from watching them fail, or fall back to earth. It’s just such a different perspective. Solipsism beleaguers both sexes to such an extent that the more any of us try to escape our myopic or Kalnienkic views of each other, the more we realize how little we see, or know at all.

Just because a woman says that she came doesn’t mean she’s finished for the evening…even if you think you are.

Stop trying to think with your cock. And stop thinking your cock is your only sex organ….besides, your brain is bigger, and doesn’t deflate after your first good idea comes to you.

Anybody can Fuck, but not necessarily well. Few men understand the difference between Sex and Intimacy, and most of them, if told they had to choose between one or the other, would choose Sex, not realizing that the best Sex is a result of real intimacy.

The less any of us try to look for formulaic answers about how to understand each other, the better. No one has the entire view, the ultimate knowledge, or exclusive franchise on wisdom. Individually, each of us brings a different fragment of the Truth, like a shattered mirror that has become our illusion of reality that can be shared and collectively assembled like a jigsaw puzzle.

A little mystery is good…too much mystery is just clueless ignorance.

If you really want to understand Women…stop thinking like a man.

Puck and the Fairies (from Midsummer Night’s Dream) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sappho of Lesbos, depicted in a 1904 painting by John William Godward gave the term Lesbian the connotation of erotic desire between women. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The things I’ve learned About Women from Lesbians

By necessity, I was forced to make you wait almost a day to read this post… (sorry, it was necessary.)

The first thing is to understand the difference between anticipation and postponement.

Last night an idea occurred to me that came by way of an analogy.

I used to be very impatient waiting for my significant other of the moment to finish applying her cosmetics before we went out together. Although I appreciate the concept of arriving fashionably late, I failed to recognize that most of the best-looking couples were just as late as we were.

When I got up this morning, out of nowhere, I suddenly realized that if, instead of wallowing in impatience, I simply let my imagination and enthusiasm fuel my anticipation, I would be in a much better frame of mind to truly appreciate (and if I were smart, applaud) her Ta-Dah! moment.

Anticipation is not postponement, like when a man puts off a woman in a dismissive manner because he hasn’t reached a “save-point” on his video game…or blog post…..

I am frequently struck by wonderment, awe and genuine gratitude for any woman who somehow chooses to allow men into their lives. Some days, we are like Bears, Gorillas, or Giant Adolescent Boys with Muddy Shoes and they are more like Butterflies, Angels…or Witches.

Sometimes, she has to stoop, just to conquer….

(I hope the Anticipation was worth the wait…but I’m just getting started on this topic, so stay tuned….)

See you in Dreamland.

Chazz

a trio of languid lesbians enjoying a salami. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: sarcophag of a learned woman Deutsch: Sarkophag (Photo credit: Wikipedia)